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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

413 replies

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:47

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

OP posts:
CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 09/04/2026 13:39

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:47

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

You're both behaving like children.

YABU
HIBU

In the time you took to write this, or the time it took you both to have the argument, you could have had it shipped from the supermarket or online.

Why not just make life simple (facepalm emoji)

Skybluepinky · 09/04/2026 13:35

Your poor husband if you make a fuss about this, it’s you with the issue just buy it there are plenty of online companies.

Rainbow1901 · 09/04/2026 13:32

Won't help the immediate issue but have you thought about female sterilisation?

SENsupportplease · 09/04/2026 13:26

Amazon

Notabarbie · 09/04/2026 13:25

I also think that someone who regards something for your body as too much trouble to purchase is probably bad in bed and preoccupied with his own pleasure.

Quine0nline · 09/04/2026 13:23

Can you not get it added to your prescriptions? Schlip, schlap schlop as they say.

Notabarbie · 09/04/2026 13:23

I'm horrified that he was willing to have sex with you when you were going to be in pain once let alone making you bleed more than once. I wouldn't stay with such a man.

OverTheWater28 · 09/04/2026 13:13

Just order it online.

Skyflier · 09/04/2026 13:13

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 10:57

I think its really interesting how this is being taken. Lots strongly focusing on the practical issue of buying lube.
Others focusing on it as a bigger issue. For me, its the bigger issue. But probably my husband sees it very much as lots of posters on here do, as simply buying the product. He sees no reason for me to find it embarrassing so doesn't understand why I haven't. And I can now see it from that perspective.

I can also still see it from my original perspective of it being just the one thing he needs to do in our sexual relationship whereas I have much more on my plate to enable our sex life to run smoothly.

I should have been clearer that the bleeding is no more than you might find after an unexpected period as its just sensitive cervix cells and it doesn't hurt as much as chafe. So I do still have sex without lube and deal with those issues as a minor inconvenience but am much happier when we use lube. Thank you to everyone whoe shared concern for me

I totally get it OP. I have a similar issue and I just refused to have sex until my DH took some responsibility for our sex life. When he was slightly inconvenienced by no sex he stepped up

RockNToll · 09/04/2026 13:12

Order your groceries online from Tesco and put a couple of bottles on the order?

Hadenough32 · 09/04/2026 13:09

Get your own amazon account?

godmum56 · 09/04/2026 13:07

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

don't buy it from amazon. There are literally THOUSANDS of online suppliers.

Aluna · 09/04/2026 13:06

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/04/2026 08:51

I wouldn't be having sex at all without lube if I were you. And I don't see why he cannot do this one thing.

Quite. It’s not that she couldn’t buy it - eg: online chemist if she can’t use Amazon. But why should she - he puts in zero effort and leaves it all to her.

DripDripAprilshower · 09/04/2026 13:01

im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it

Hahaha get over yourself. You seem suited to a career in teaching 🤣

Tamtim · 09/04/2026 12:59

No, it’s not normal to get thrush regularly due to sex. I’ve never had thrush in my life. He needs to man up and get the snip (and the lube). He can even order it online (not Amazon if you don’t want his mum seeing the order). I totally understand that you’re fed up having to do everything with regards to your sex life running smoothly. He should care enough about your feeling and your comfort to make sure he doesn’t forget.

MsSquiz · 09/04/2026 12:57

WRT the sex decision making - I would simply say “we won’t have sex until you have bought the lubricant”

that was my conversation with DH when discussing him having a vasectomy - no sex until after the snip. He booked the snip pretty sharpish!
and I certainly wouldn’t be having sex with someone who clearly wasn’t arsed about buying a product that would make things physically better for me.
He’s not buying the lubricant, he’s getting sex, he’s not having any medical issues - where is the incentive for him to buy it?

the practical side - order it from boots, Superdrug, Ann summers, lovehoney, anywhere that sells it if you can’t buy in person or from Amazon.

SpringsOnTheWay · 09/04/2026 12:56

I get it. It’s a tiny thing he can do to ensure your comfort.

Nothing like a sulking man to completely dry up so unattractive of them.

beeautifullif3 · 09/04/2026 12:51

Wow your husband is a lucky lucky man 🤣🤣🤣

babyproblems · 09/04/2026 12:50

Either buy some on boots or Amazon online!
If you really want him to buy it, don’t have sex with him until he does! Definitely do not have sex if it causes you pain..!!

ResultsMayVary · 09/04/2026 12:49

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

Perhaps buy some lube, sex toys - some handcuffs etc. Men's sheer underwear.

redboxer321 · 09/04/2026 12:48

I'd be offering him to shag him up the arse with a strap on and no lube. He'd soon get the message.
Not that it's about lube but it just might help wake up the 'D'H and to start addressing the real issues.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 12:47

teawamutu · 09/04/2026 12:45

Nice glib dismissal there.

But the question was, would he want to have sex with his wife if she was dead keen despite knowing it would hurt him, and having refused or not been arsed to spend one minute sorting the purchase that would alleviate it.

Show quote history

She wants to have sex with him anyway though, she said that, just that she enjoys it more with lube. Obviously it’s getting more annoying for her with time but she’s choosing not to buy lube as much as he is. They’re both being lazy about this.

ForCosyLion · 09/04/2026 12:47

This isn't about the lube, is it. This is a power struggle.

PunnyPlumPanda · 09/04/2026 12:46

OMGitsnotgood · 09/04/2026 08:53

How do people get through life if they can’t solve simple problems like this?

This

i mean just buy it online? Thats what we do?

teawamutu · 09/04/2026 12:45

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 12:42

He’d probably just buy lube himself to avoid his own suffering rather than making a point about it.

Show quote history

Nice glib dismissal there.

But the question was, would he want to have sex with his wife if she was dead keen despite knowing it would hurt him, and having refused or not been arsed to spend one minute sorting the purchase that would alleviate it.