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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

413 replies

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:47

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

OP posts:
Reasonstobelieve · 09/04/2026 14:22

On reflection I wondered if it was actually the lube causing the thrush. Thankfully it's not something I've ever required even in menopause but my sister did. After Doctor prescribed oestrogen gel/cream lube was no longer necessary.

ruethewhirl · 09/04/2026 14:21

KitsyWitsy · 09/04/2026 08:49

I think it's ridiculous that you can't buy it yourself. That's irrational and needs addressing.

Or just order from Amazon.

I kind of got the impression it wasn't just about that - as OP says, she is doing the other things that need doing to enable their sex life. And he can't even organise himself to sort this one thing?

Lucia573 · 09/04/2026 14:17

I think people are being harsh/dismissive. I also expect my husband to buy lube; similar reasons to you. I know I could easily do it myself; it’s more the principle of why should I? I do most other things and this is something he can take responsibility for. To be fair to him, he does remember to keep stocked up!

Bloodyboiling · 09/04/2026 14:08

I can understand that you feel he should be sorting this, as you do everything else - but assuming you enjoy and actually want sex, just buy some online!

I'd be a bit concerned that if you're not menopausal that you need artificial lube to have comfortable sex though!

As for your recurrent thrush I suffered for decades until I discovers a product called Multi Gyn Acti gel. A little shot of it post sex has left me clear of thrush for years after having it nearly constantly before.

Oh and I share a prime account with my husband, but I don't see his purchases on my order history!

Monty36 · 09/04/2026 14:08

I am even more troubled the OP is a teacher and cannot problem solve such an issue.

99bottlesofkombucha · 09/04/2026 14:08

KitsyWitsy · 09/04/2026 09:27

I can't imagine my kids even noticing when they were that young. The OP manages to buy thrush stuff. I think it's extremely unlikely students would notice what she is buying; that's just bananas. Shop during school time? God there are so many solutions to this non-problem.

That all said, if I had said to my partner I needed him to buy lube before we could have sex again he would do it immediately, no question and I just wouldn't have sex with him until he did, and he would know that. The OP should not be having sex she doesn't want.

Show quote history

She IS a teacher. So shopping during school time would involve leaving work. When it’s quite easy for him to buy it, lots of free time in his large amounts of child free life working away, he should just get the fuck over himself. In the ops shoes my marriage would be sex free for a long time, until he bought lube, a new attitude, gave me a childfree few days away solo since the op works and parents on her own large chunks of the time and displayed a new aptitude for parenting and housework when he was at home, because I would be so done with this attitude of sex housework parenting and bringing in an income as expected wife service with fuck all appreciation of the big load he’s just walked away from.

Monty36 · 09/04/2026 14:08

What an odd post.

Pineappleice43 · 09/04/2026 14:02

Buy it online!

99bottlesofkombucha · 09/04/2026 14:02

BigSkies2022 · 09/04/2026 09:51

Also I have always bought the lube in my partnership, even though it ‘benefits’ both of us. This is not because my husband is lazy or selfish but because I am a more details-oriented and practical person than he is. Also, I had been around the block more than he had and knew that lube wasn’t simply for bum sex, Similarly, when menopause brought a dry vagina and low libido, I sorted out the right HRT regime. Did the research, chased the GP, got the referral to the menopause clinic and the right meds. Two happy people. because life is too short not to take action to resolve simple stuff.

So you should see your GP about the vaginismus and thrush and get some proper gynae care (unless you’re too worried about what the GP might think of you 🙀and short term. buy the lube!

I think you mean ‘two happy people, because one of them who happens to be female has done all the thinking and planning and sorting’ although sorting your own medical solution to menopause is not the same category- I’d be surprised if there’s a man on the planet whose taken the lead in doing sorting about their wife’s menopause.

Original poster
Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 14:00

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/04/2026 13:53

Wow.

If neither of you have the maturity to buy lube in a shop, one of you puts all the responsibility on the other to ensure no further children, and you can't communicate (you keep having painful sex you don't enjoy!)...

Are you even mature enough to be HAVING sex?

You both need to grow the fuck up.

You need to practise more kindness in your responses.

Nowhere did I say I didn't enjoy sex.

You can think I'm immature for feeling embarrassed about buying lube
Fair enough, I probably am. But you dont need to be so aggressive with your point.

OP posts:
VioIetMoon · 09/04/2026 14:00

I think your being ridiculous considering you can just buy it from a pharmacy online

watchingthishtread · 09/04/2026 13:59

I agree with you. He had one small job and he's happy to make you bleed instead of just doing the job.

POTC · 09/04/2026 13:59

@Orangeducks sex definitely doesn't have to cause thrush! I'm single and have had more than one partner in the past 18 months, not had thrush once (I also take responsibility for getting myself tested, and buy lube 😂)
When I was younger I used to get it all the time, I'm talking before I even had sex for the first time! When I left home and started buying my own toilet roll it became apparent that it was that causing the thrush for me! Now we have andrex every time, and if I go away for any length of time I take it with me too, because the times I haven't bothered it has happened again!

Dery · 09/04/2026 13:58

@Orangeducks - i’m with you on this: you take responsibility for so much to do with your sex life. Your DH should do this. It’s about sharing the burden of responsibility a bit. He needs to experience some consequences. I would strongly suggest saying no more sex until this is sorted.

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/04/2026 13:53

Wow.

If neither of you have the maturity to buy lube in a shop, one of you puts all the responsibility on the other to ensure no further children, and you can't communicate (you keep having painful sex you don't enjoy!)...

Are you even mature enough to be HAVING sex?

You both need to grow the fuck up.

FocusOnMyFord · 09/04/2026 13:52

Use one of the online chemists, or Superdrug / Boots. It’s no big deal. The online chemists are brilliant in this age of never getting bloody GP appointment, and local chemists closing down.

I’d be more concerned about his horrid attitude, to be honest.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/04/2026 13:51

Seeing your update why can’t your DH buy it? He could create a love honey/ann summers account or Boots account and do it that way online.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/04/2026 13:48

It’s so easy to buy eg at boots and just do self service. Nothing embarrassing about it all. Buy some sanitary products, shampoo if you feel a bit embarrassed. My Durex Guarana could look like shower gel if you didn’t look properly. It’s actually I think a dildo substitute.

godmum56 · 09/04/2026 13:46

TheDenimPoet · 09/04/2026 13:41

Firstly get your own Amazon account. Who only has one account between them and their partner? Never mind sharing it with their mum!

I genuinely think it's on you to buy it, to be honest. You're dry, you need lube. Just order some! Doesn't even have to be Amazon. eBay, or another online shop, anywhere. I bet you could even get some from the supermarket on a delivery (though even I would have to order a few things so it wouldn't be just that, and I normally don't get embarrassed haha).

loads of couples (and others) share an account to avoid paying twice for Prime.

FailMeOnce · 09/04/2026 13:43

ColinOfficeTrolley · 09/04/2026 09:43

I can't believe the amount of posters missing the actual point.

Her husband's knows she bleeds and sex is painful. She is fully responsible for contraception, he has one job and sulks when reminded because he isn't arsed about his wife's comfort when they have sex.

I'd say the issue is much deeper than 'buy your own lube, you prude'

This x100.

What the actual fuck? I can confidently say that my husband wouldn't entertain the idea of having sex when he knows it's going to hurt me. It would put him right off.

I hope he's not this irredeemably selfish in all areas of life, OP.

Stand your ground and tell him no sex until he buys some fucking lube (and shows he is capable of executing this one tiny task like an adult while you take care of everything else).

MiddleAgedDread · 09/04/2026 13:43

ffs order online if you don't want someone to see you buy it!!

TheDenimPoet · 09/04/2026 13:41

Firstly get your own Amazon account. Who only has one account between them and their partner? Never mind sharing it with their mum!

I genuinely think it's on you to buy it, to be honest. You're dry, you need lube. Just order some! Doesn't even have to be Amazon. eBay, or another online shop, anywhere. I bet you could even get some from the supermarket on a delivery (though even I would have to order a few things so it wouldn't be just that, and I normally don't get embarrassed haha).

Aligirlbear · 09/04/2026 13:40

Sorry but Yabu - your reasoning for not buying it is nonsense. It’s up to you die on a hill for something you could solve - assuming you want to have sex- or just buy some lube. While your DH is being an idiot this is easily solvable by you and I’m guessing there might be other areas in your relationship you should be concentrating on which are easily solvable by you on your own.

Avie29 · 09/04/2026 13:39

Why is it embarrassing to buy lube?

socks1107 · 09/04/2026 13:39

I sometimes order mine, and I have craftily put it in a food shop without them seeing. It’s not embarrassing at all and when my dd was having some issues she knew to come to me which she did I suggested lube.
the bigger picture is it’s all you’ve asked him to do as you are doing other things so I think your right to be annoyed with him but not to be embarrassed buying it