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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

413 replies

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:47

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

OP posts:
Nightingaille · 09/04/2026 15:18

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

Order online from Boots or the Replens website

PumpkinScarf · 09/04/2026 15:16

YANBU. Too many ‘cool wife’ posters on this thread.

Mary28 · 09/04/2026 15:16

I'm with you. I'd be telling him to get some or shop closed. Why is everything left up to us all the time?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 15:15

Chocolatecoffeecup · 09/04/2026 15:12

It's not that interesting is it, that people answered the question you actually asked?

Show quote history

So you think it’s weird that she’s interested in her own thread? Why is that strange?

Chocolatecoffeecup · 09/04/2026 15:12

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 10:57

I think its really interesting how this is being taken. Lots strongly focusing on the practical issue of buying lube.
Others focusing on it as a bigger issue. For me, its the bigger issue. But probably my husband sees it very much as lots of posters on here do, as simply buying the product. He sees no reason for me to find it embarrassing so doesn't understand why I haven't. And I can now see it from that perspective.

I can also still see it from my original perspective of it being just the one thing he needs to do in our sexual relationship whereas I have much more on my plate to enable our sex life to run smoothly.

I should have been clearer that the bleeding is no more than you might find after an unexpected period as its just sensitive cervix cells and it doesn't hurt as much as chafe. So I do still have sex without lube and deal with those issues as a minor inconvenience but am much happier when we use lube. Thank you to everyone whoe shared concern for me

It's not that interesting is it, that people answered the question you actually asked?

nothingcangowrongnow · 09/04/2026 15:04

What? Order online

Thebigarsedbitch · 09/04/2026 15:03

In your place OP, I'd simply tell him that if he has the snip, I'll buy the lube and until that happy day, it will be a case of no lube, no sex. And I certainly wouldn't be buying it. The fact that he knows how uncomfortable sex is for you without lube tells you everything you need to know about his true feelings for you.

Additup · 09/04/2026 15:03

GentlemanJay · 09/04/2026 14:26

LoveHoney is your friend. I can recommend Liquid Silk.

I second that recommendation.

I don't understand how you've got yourselves in this situation OP. You won't buy lube because you think he should. Him not buying it is equivalent to him not caring if you have painful sex etc etc. Presumably he's not forcing you into sex?

Also, if you need lube for sex, presumably you also need it for masturbation so I don't understand why you aren't happy to buy it. Or why you aren't buying it online like everyone else.

I suspect this lube argument is not about lube at all, but something else that's not right in your relationship.

Monty36 · 09/04/2026 14:52

Perhaps he is hoping you won’t want to have sex with him.

Original poster
Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 14:50

KitsyWitsy · 09/04/2026 14:46

No but I generally take care of my end. I need lube sometimes. He needs viagra. He sorts his tablets and had the snip

just think it’s got a bit silly and it’s disgusting he doesn’t care she bleeds.

Ive no patience for helpless women. Go to boots ffs.

Show quote history

I don't think there is anything helpless about a woman who organises the contraception, organises medication for a recurring sexual related issue (thrush) and seeks medical advice for post coiltal bleeding including multiple cervical screenings, ultrasounds and investigations. There is nothing helpless about me in ensuring our sexual relationship is smooth.

Is it too much to ask that he picks up a bottle of lube as he has always done for the last few years?

OP posts:
Cavello · 09/04/2026 14:48

I haven't read the full thread, and note many other posters have addressed the lube / purchasing issue. I just wanted to add that I used to get terrible thrush all of the time. I found that I don't get it when I stopped sleeping in pants and my DH washed his penis before and after sex. I never get thrush anymore since incorporating those measures.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 09/04/2026 14:47

Stand firm. It’s his job.

You shouldn’t do it if it makes you bleed. Best wishes

KitsyWitsy · 09/04/2026 14:46

ruethewhirl · 09/04/2026 14:36

So you think OP should do literally everything to facilitate their sex life? Why would that be, then?

Show quote history

No but I generally take care of my end. I need lube sometimes. He needs viagra. He sorts his tablets and had the snip

just think it’s got a bit silly and it’s disgusting he doesn’t care she bleeds.

Ive no patience for helpless women. Go to boots ffs.

Avie29 · 09/04/2026 14:44

She doesn’t HAVE to stay on contraception because he doesn’t want the snip- get sterilised, she doesn’t HAVE to have uncomfortable sex because he won’t buy lube- buy it yourself.
i see the point of “its the only thing he has to do so why couldn’t he do it” but whats the point in stomping your feet and getting stroppy about it?
take control and sort yourself out- lovehoney, ann summers etc alot of places you can subscribe so it arrives monthly/whatever frequency without either of you having to think about it, done.

Original poster
Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 14:39

wrongthinker · 09/04/2026 14:25

I don't care who buys the lube. But what the hell is your husband thinking, having sex with you when he knows it causes you pain and you bleed? What the fuck is wrong with him?

I'm sorry, I would find this utterly unforgiveable. I mean, I don't know why you would go along with it, either. But a decent man wouldn't expect you to. He would care about your comfort and safety more than about getting his end away.

Your husband is not a decent man, sorry.

Sorry I wasn't clear enough that sex doesn't cause me pain, it just chafes/rubs a bit afterwards if we don't use lube. I have chosen the past few times to have sex because I want to but have told him each time it would be better for me if he gets lube. He keeps saying he will but by the time we go to have it, he hasn't again. That's when I got frustrated with him for not prioritising it

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/04/2026 14:39

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/04/2026 08:51

I wouldn't be having sex at all without lube if I were you. And I don't see why he cannot do this one thing.

This

If the OP could Amazon it.. so could he... and as for the sulking.
I think it is a case of he can't be bothered to do this one thing she's asked him to do to avoid real discomfort. And then he has the absolute cheek to sulk and storm off about it. I think that's awful behaviour.

Amazon orders can be archived if you wanted to hide them. He could easily do that, no excuses for him not to.

"To hide an Amazon order, use the "Archive order" feature on the desktop site to remove items from your main order history. Log in to Amazon.com on a browser, go to Your Orders, find the item, and select Archive order. This hides the purchase from view but keeps it accessible for returns."

aloris · 09/04/2026 14:37

I think your marriage has bigger problems and this is just a signal to those problems. His attitude towards you leaves much to be desired.

ruethewhirl · 09/04/2026 14:36

KitsyWitsy · 09/04/2026 14:22

It’s buying some bloody lube! God this is built up into something ridiculous.

Show quote history

So you think OP should do literally everything to facilitate their sex life? Why would that be, then?

Pinkflamingo10 · 09/04/2026 14:34

So he sulks. He has sex with you even though it’s uncomfortable for you. Wants you to grow and birth children and stay on the contraceptive pill forever rather than have the snip. He sounds v selfish to be honest. I agree with you -you asked him to sort one thing and he should have done it.
lubes can disturb vagina flora and cause thrush. I would ask your GP or sexual health Dr for the safest option for you. Also some contraceptive pills can increase thrush frequency.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 14:31

wrongthinker · 09/04/2026 14:25

I don't care who buys the lube. But what the hell is your husband thinking, having sex with you when he knows it causes you pain and you bleed? What the fuck is wrong with him?

I'm sorry, I would find this utterly unforgiveable. I mean, I don't know why you would go along with it, either. But a decent man wouldn't expect you to. He would care about your comfort and safety more than about getting his end away.

Your husband is not a decent man, sorry.

She wanted to have sex with him… she hasn’t ’gone along with it’

Original poster
Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 14:29

Monty36 · 09/04/2026 14:08

I am even more troubled the OP is a teacher and cannot problem solve such an issue.

This is very reductive. Of course I can get my hands on the product.

My point to my husband was that I had asked him to take care of this one element of our sex life which was picking up a bottle of lube. I was ensuring there would be no accidental pregnancies and dealing with thrush and getting treatment for that. It felt hurtful that he hadn't got this so we could have sex which wouldn't cause me discomfort.

OP posts:
GentlemanJay · 09/04/2026 14:26

LoveHoney is your friend. I can recommend Liquid Silk.

wrongthinker · 09/04/2026 14:25

I don't care who buys the lube. But what the hell is your husband thinking, having sex with you when he knows it causes you pain and you bleed? What the fuck is wrong with him?

I'm sorry, I would find this utterly unforgiveable. I mean, I don't know why you would go along with it, either. But a decent man wouldn't expect you to. He would care about your comfort and safety more than about getting his end away.

Your husband is not a decent man, sorry.

Therescathairinmybath · 09/04/2026 14:24

Has your DH been tested or treated for thrush? He might be reinfecting you each time you have sex.

KitsyWitsy · 09/04/2026 14:22

ruethewhirl · 09/04/2026 14:21

I kind of got the impression it wasn't just about that - as OP says, she is doing the other things that need doing to enable their sex life. And he can't even organise himself to sort this one thing?

Show quote history

It’s buying some bloody lube! God this is built up into something ridiculous.