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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

413 replies

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:47

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

OP posts:
ValhallaCalling · 09/04/2026 20:58

Holidaymodeon · 09/04/2026 20:50

Condoms can also be drying

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She needs lube anyway! It gets her off the pill.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 20:53

Holidaymodeon · 09/04/2026 20:50

Condoms can also be drying

Show quote history

So? They can use lube with condoms

Avie29 · 09/04/2026 20:52

God can everyone stop bitching about him not getting the snip 🤦🏻‍♀️ why does the phrase ‘my body, my choice’ only seem to apply to women?

Holidaymodeon · 09/04/2026 20:50

ValhallaCalling · 09/04/2026 20:03

says fine if I won't stay on the pill then we'll use condoms/ not have sex so it keeps the responsibility on me.

No, it doesn't keep the responsibility on you because he is offering to wear a condom, this taking responsibility. Just agree to condoms and issue solved. I refuse to use hormonal contraception because it makes me ill and the coil was too painful, that leaves condoms, which we use with no problem and no side effects to me.

Posters claiming he's putting all the responsibility on you need to recognise that offering to wear a condom so you can stop taking the pill IS him taking responsibility. If you say no no I'll keep taking the pill because you don't like condoms then that's you making your own life difficult.

Show quote history

Condoms can also be drying

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2026 20:49

My husband will buy it but often just get it in the online weekly shop.

Holidaymodeon · 09/04/2026 20:49

You both sound incredibly childish and you really should see a specialist about your physical situation, there must be hormones which will help, even supplements, multiple supplements for women who are not lubricating, eyes and vagina, omega oils , Sea buckthorn omega-7 and oestrogen were game changers for me when I started peri menopause, you don’t have to live like that but equally you are a grown up who should be able to purchase whatever the hell you want without worrying about someone else’s kids or your husbands mum.
as other people have said, just buy it online if it’s that much of a problem, it doesn’t have to be Amazon but even if it is Amazon, your mother in law is also an adult, I’m sure lube is not unheard of in her age group either.
just own it in whatever way suits you.
also, consider ditching your sulky husband who’d rather have dry bleeding painful sex with you than go and buy a bottle of common or garden lubricant.

TheLambtonWorm · 09/04/2026 20:46

You really need to talk to him about your building resentment for not getting a vasectomy.

Edit: If he is suggesting to wear condoms then why is the 'pressure' of contraception 'falling on you'?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 20:43

redboxer321 · 09/04/2026 20:39

They can. But if they do, the much larger problem behind the small problem gets swept underneath the carpet. So they don't as a way of bringing the bigger problem out into the open.

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If they just put this problem on an Amazon prime subscription then the ‘much bigger problem’ isn’t an issue. He’s willing to wear condoms so she doesn’t have to take the pill so he can even do his share there for their sex life. They don’t actually have to make it a big drama.

redboxer321 · 09/04/2026 20:39

dEdiCatEdFeliNeEntHusiAst · 09/04/2026 20:36

This ^

Show quote history

They can. But if they do, the much larger problem behind the small problem gets swept underneath the carpet. So they don't as a way of bringing the bigger problem out into the open.

dEdiCatEdFeliNeEntHusiAst · 09/04/2026 20:36

OMGitsnotgood · 09/04/2026 08:53

How do people get through life if they can’t solve simple problems like this?

This ^

PottingBench · 09/04/2026 20:06

ValhallaCalling · 09/04/2026 20:03

says fine if I won't stay on the pill then we'll use condoms/ not have sex so it keeps the responsibility on me.

No, it doesn't keep the responsibility on you because he is offering to wear a condom, this taking responsibility. Just agree to condoms and issue solved. I refuse to use hormonal contraception because it makes me ill and the coil was too painful, that leaves condoms, which we use with no problem and no side effects to me.

Posters claiming he's putting all the responsibility on you need to recognise that offering to wear a condom so you can stop taking the pill IS him taking responsibility. If you say no no I'll keep taking the pill because you don't like condoms then that's you making your own life difficult.

Show quote history

That's not going to help the lube problem though.
Or his sulking.

ValhallaCalling · 09/04/2026 20:03

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 09:18

Thank you for the replies, has been very helpful to see other perspectives! Am going to try and respond to the main recurring points

  1. I do recognise that its within my power to buy it and could do it online etc. I think my perspective on it has been that its his responsibility for logistical reasons (way more time to himself, frequently being child free in shops and not being a teacher local to school so chances of seeing a student/parent is reasonably high) but also just because I take care of everything else (the pill, the bleeding, the thrush etc.).
I have felt aggrieved when we've gone to have sex that he still hasn't bought it. To me, it feels a small thing for him to do to think about my enjoyment and comfort.
  1. I do enjoy sex and think we have a decent sex life. I enjoy it more when we use lube because it doesn't chafe and I dont bleed.
  1. My husband is a good man and our relationship is strong. No other concerns about him and I do believe he just hasn't got round to buying it which is why for the past few weeks we've just had sex anyway because we've wanted to but I put my foot down today as its seemingly just a joke between us now as he hasn't bought any.
  1. Whilst I'm not attempting to make this a huge issue, it got me thinking about the expectations on women to take on almost all of the responsibilities to do with sex. And why shouldn't he play a part? I would absolutely love him to get the snip but he refuses which I find very annoying. He does get sulky and says fine if I won't stay on the pill then we'll use condoms/ not have sex so it keeps the responsibility on me. So I do think that is a him issue.
  1. Thank you for the concerns about my health, will look into the suggestions. My doctor put me on a 6 month course of anti biotics to treat the thrush after I got it 6 times last year. This seems to be working as I haven't had it since December.

says fine if I won't stay on the pill then we'll use condoms/ not have sex so it keeps the responsibility on me.

No, it doesn't keep the responsibility on you because he is offering to wear a condom, this taking responsibility. Just agree to condoms and issue solved. I refuse to use hormonal contraception because it makes me ill and the coil was too painful, that leaves condoms, which we use with no problem and no side effects to me.

Posters claiming he's putting all the responsibility on you need to recognise that offering to wear a condom so you can stop taking the pill IS him taking responsibility. If you say no no I'll keep taking the pill because you don't like condoms then that's you making your own life difficult.

PottingBench · 09/04/2026 19:59

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 14:50

I don't think there is anything helpless about a woman who organises the contraception, organises medication for a recurring sexual related issue (thrush) and seeks medical advice for post coiltal bleeding including multiple cervical screenings, ultrasounds and investigations. There is nothing helpless about me in ensuring our sexual relationship is smooth.

Is it too much to ask that he picks up a bottle of lube as he has always done for the last few years?

Show quote history

No it isn't.
Loads of poster on here have agreed with you.
Loads have said he's in the wrong for expecting sex he knows causes you issues if he doesn't buy the lube.
Loads of people agreeing with you.

What are you going to do about it OP?
Stop having sex until he does it?
Carry on having sex that makes you bleed and chafe knowing he's taking the piss?

ThisMellowCat · 09/04/2026 19:57

Ok so if you need lube this badly and bleeding after sex, I think you need a doctor more than lube. At least you can get it on your prescription.

LizandDerekGoals · 09/04/2026 19:54

TippyTee · 09/04/2026 19:39

YANBU to want your DH to step up and buy it. But I think YABU for not solving the problem and just fetching one on a lunch break where no one will see or care. Or buy online from any pharmacy as many allow check out as a guest. I read your posts OP and I don’t understand why you would put yourself through pain and bleeding during sex. I would prioritise my comfort and body first and buy it over waiting for someone else to sort it out. You need to put yourself as first even if your husband doesn’t quite see it like that. Is this just one off or has he done it before? You know you can also set up reoccurring orders online to have delivery every few months.

Edited

Fetching one on a lunch break is hilarious when op works in a school. What the fuck is a lunch break? We eat while supervising children / surrounded by children.

TheMauveRobin · 09/04/2026 19:52

Buy some from love honey and get him to buy you some extra “treats” in the process 😝

Catcatcatcatcat · 09/04/2026 19:49

Slightyamusedandsilly · 09/04/2026 09:11

Tell him if he wants sex to arrange to get lube somehow. And that it's off the table until he does.

This is what I would do.

PenguinLover24 · 09/04/2026 19:44

Amazon is your friend for this one!

TippyTee · 09/04/2026 19:39

YANBU to want your DH to step up and buy it. But I think YABU for not solving the problem and just fetching one on a lunch break where no one will see or care. Or buy online from any pharmacy as many allow check out as a guest. I read your posts OP and I don’t understand why you would put yourself through pain and bleeding during sex. I would prioritise my comfort and body first and buy it over waiting for someone else to sort it out. You need to put yourself as first even if your husband doesn’t quite see it like that. Is this just one off or has he done it before? You know you can also set up reoccurring orders online to have delivery every few months.

MMUmum · 09/04/2026 19:27

OvernightBloats · 09/04/2026 08:49

Buy it online if you are embarrassed about buying from a shop.

And set it up as a repeat regular order, so you don't run out

greenteaandlimes · 09/04/2026 19:07

Boots, Superdrug etc
Though I agree he should take some responsibility and buy it, you do your part with contraception
Edit to add: there would be no sex until he buys it in my world

ForeverTheOptomist · 09/04/2026 19:06

The bullying on here is unbelievable.

Laurmolonlabe · 09/04/2026 19:02

He sounds pretty selfish- refuse sex until he buys it.

redboxer321 · 09/04/2026 18:54

JHound · 09/04/2026 18:13

I really don’t get a man who is happy for his wife to be left bleeding and feeling sore and chafed after sex.

I literally cannot fathom this.

Sadly, I think there's a fair few of them about.

Bonbon21 · 09/04/2026 18:34

Shop would be shut til A. He shows you some respect and B. He buys the lube.
Selfish git.
BIG turnoff.
..and he needs to get the snip....