Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

413 replies

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:47

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

OP posts:
Rachel2409 · 09/04/2026 09:03

Then he doesn’t have sex? But my partner felt embarrassed to buy so I just got it from Tesco, shoved it in the trolley under some shopping lol. Though be quick at self check out with the next item as the picture of it comes up loud and proud on the screen 😂

Boomer55 · 09/04/2026 09:03

They sell plenty on Amazon, Boots and the Anne Summers website. Order some online if you’re embarrassed.

Original poster
Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 09:02

Its been really interesting to read the replies. I am seeing that I am being too much of a prude which is probably really fair. It doesn't feel like a comfortable thing for me to do but I can see that I'm probably in the minority there and most people dont see buying it as an issue.

I think for me its not necessarily the act of buying it but about us both taking some responsibility for our sex life? I feel that all of that lies with me and asking him to pick it up is quite a small thing? So in my head its not necessarily about the actual practicalities but about what it represents in our relationship?
Its got me thinking about it on a wider level about what's expected of women etc and made me feel quite annoyed!

OP posts:
Flyingeyeball · 09/04/2026 09:02

Do you WANT to have sex with him?

Is he lazy and selfish in bed as well as in general?

Sounds like the buying of the lube is the tip of the iceberg. A pointed thing to show how much you do versus how little he does.

Wife work, mental load, etc etc.

Is his hygiene good?? Why are you getting thrush from sex?!

You could order off eBay, boots, Lovehoney etc if you were just worried about your kids or pupils or mil knowing.

Edited to add: I'm sad you've had sex twice despite you both knowing you will be dry and will bleed. Why? That doesn't sound like a great situation which is why I'm wondering about the wider relationship.

Newyeargymwanker · 09/04/2026 09:00

Tbf PP have a more valid, serious, point.
Please do see about why you are bleeding?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 09:00

Just order it online like a normal adult if you are too afraid of seeing a student in the wild. This isn’t a big deal, if you don’t want to bleed during sex buy lube or don’t have sex, it’s stupid letting yourself suffer physically because ‘well I take the pill, he should do his share’.

Erin1975 · 09/04/2026 08:59

Order some online. Even Amazon sells it. It will be delivered in a plain brown cardboard box.

FiloPasty · 09/04/2026 08:59

Not the point of your thread but have you gone to the Dr over the vaginal bleeding? It’s not normal neither is recurrent thrush. You don’t say your age but are you perimenopausal?
You might need vaginal oestrogen x

ModestlyPrudent · 09/04/2026 08:59

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

You need your own Amazon account. Or change the password to kick his mother off your current account.

Also, you should see your GP about bleeding from having sex. I don’t think that is normal. Thrush is horrendous too, and you shouldn’t be getting it so often, mention this as well.

Member984815 · 09/04/2026 08:58

He doesn't care about your enjoyment, I can't imagine my husband wanting to have sex that resulted in me hurting or bleeding. This attitude wouldn't put me in the mood for sex . Lots of sex shops online you could get it but the fact he'll carry on without it knowing its not comfortable for you says a lot

Spiffingdarling88 · 09/04/2026 08:58

I think it's more the principle, he has one job! I would be annoyed too.

ChickenBananaBanana · 09/04/2026 08:58

Newyeargymwanker · 09/04/2026 08:57

Ah! I can see that it would be extremely unsettling news for your mil to know you have sex. I imagine she thinks your children were born by immaculate conception, so the news that you have sex would be devastating.

I know right.. Students or parents would see her buying lube with her kids and know she's not a blushing virgin!!

Tableforjoan · 09/04/2026 08:57

It’s not about the lube then really is it.

It’s about you taking on all the responsibilities.

But if you want to die on the lube hill, so be it.

Newyeargymwanker · 09/04/2026 08:57

Ah! I can see that it would be extremely unsettling news for your mil to know you have sex. I imagine she thinks your children were born by immaculate conception, so the news that you have sex would be devastating.

DivorcedButHappyNow · 09/04/2026 08:56

Order from lovehoney. Better choice and comes in discrete packaging.

You may want to make other purchases too 😜

Don't get why you are dying in a ditch over this one though.

Tableforjoan · 09/04/2026 08:56

What do you think will happen if a student sees you.

omg I saw Mrs Ducks buying lube…

Nobody is actually going to care, now if you purchased it with some thrush cream, a cucumber and a bottle of wine you might raise an eyebrow.

Original poster
Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:56

Sorry I was editing my post there which crossed with some people replying very quickly to add that I am with my children almost all of the time.
They attend my school so are always with me. He works away a lot so I rarely am in a shop by myself and dont want to be looking at the lube with them!! I share an Amazon account with him mum so dont want to order it on there. He is by himself waaay more than I am so I feel it is not much to ask that he picks it up!
I got quite annoyed about all of the responsibilities of sex fall to me (ie. Don't get pregnant, buy the product, deal with the thrush) and he gets to just turn up and have sex?!

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 09/04/2026 08:55

Just sling it in the supermarket trolley. Really, nobody cares.

24hrmilkbar · 09/04/2026 08:55

If he wants to have set then all he has to do is pop into any pharmacy or supermarket. Not a lot to ask to save you pain. If he isn't willing to do that then he doesn't care if you are comfortable/enjoying it, so he why would you want to have set with him. It's not about how difficult it is or whether you could do it. Both of you are taking part so why should you be the only person taking on the responsibilities (hormones, lube, health consequences)

Tableforjoan · 09/04/2026 08:54

By share account you share the log in or you have her added as a family member to share prime?

If she’s just a family member she won’t see your purchases.

Anyway there’s still places like love honey or just get it added to a home delivery shop or just who cares if a 17 year old sees you buying lube 🤷🏻‍♀️

Classiclines · 09/04/2026 08:53

I don't understand why you can't buy your own BUT the fact he doesn't seem to care about your discomfort and also storms off and sulks indicates this is not a loving relationship. And I think you should be focusing on that.

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 09/04/2026 08:53

That is awful behaviour that he stormed off sulking. It's bad enough he won't get the snip and expects you to stay on the pill forever. Definitely dont have sex with him again until he buys more lube

Seeline · 09/04/2026 08:53

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

Set up your own account?!

ChickenBananaBanana · 09/04/2026 08:53

Just buy it with your supermarket shop... It's not like it's down an aisle filled with butt plugs

BuffaloCauliflower · 09/04/2026 08:53

I do understand your frustration, and you’d be well within your rights to not have sex with him without lube. But you can order online from Lovehoney, and probably a multitude of other places too, so it doesn’t have to be an in person purchase for either of you