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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

413 replies

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:47

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 09/04/2026 09:21

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 09:02

Its been really interesting to read the replies. I am seeing that I am being too much of a prude which is probably really fair. It doesn't feel like a comfortable thing for me to do but I can see that I'm probably in the minority there and most people dont see buying it as an issue.

I think for me its not necessarily the act of buying it but about us both taking some responsibility for our sex life? I feel that all of that lies with me and asking him to pick it up is quite a small thing? So in my head its not necessarily about the actual practicalities but about what it represents in our relationship?
Its got me thinking about it on a wider level about what's expected of women etc and made me feel quite annoyed!

You’re really piling it on now. This isn’t what your OP was about. Now people have told you to just buy the stuff, you’re shifting and making it about wider issues that really aren’t the problem. No point getting high minded when all you have to do is walk down an aisle and put the stuff in a trolley. It is ridiculous that you’ve made him buy it every single time, it really is.

Your husband’s sulking is childish, but we all behave in stupid ways at times. You have contributed to this situation, too, so take a deep breath, stop blaming him for everything and start talking to him.

its2025 · 09/04/2026 09:21

Actually I think the lube is the red herring in this thread.

OP - Frequent bleeding during sex and repetitive bouts of thrush are not normal. Have you spoke to your GP about this? I think that should be where you are directing your frustration - why do you have these issues at all??

You are right that its a small thing to ask your "D"H to buy the lube and I can totally understand why you dont want to buy the lube in front of your kids or potentially your students. But I'm sure you could of worked out for yourself ages ago that you can buy this stuff easily and discreetly online.

Why are you continuing to have sex with your husband without the lube if you know it might make you bleed for heavens sake?? I suspect there's some sexual coercion happening here from you husband and I think you need to think about why you're not talking about that.

Soontobe60 · 09/04/2026 09:20

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

Does she think you don’t have sex???

2Rebecca · 09/04/2026 09:20

Agree with the vaginal oestrogen. All postmenopausal women not on oral HRT should get this for intravaginal and vulval use. The cream is better than the pessaries as you can also rub it on your vulva as well as using the intravaginal applicator. The stronger oestriol cream in 15g tubes is less messy than the weaker larger tubes

quitefranklyabsurd · 09/04/2026 09:20

if not Amazon other online lubricant sellers are available! (Also are you sure the people you share an account with can see what you order)

just tell him no sex till he’s bought some.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 09/04/2026 09:19

If buying lube is one of his chores? Yes, he ought to buy it. But that isn’t what stuck out to me. As pp said: just order it… or buy it yourself! 🤷‍♀️

But you had sex without lube? Repeatedly? Even though that makes you bleed and both of you were fully aware of that / were expecting your to bleed?? Why did you agree to this? Why would he even agree to this?? Or want this???

Monolithique · 09/04/2026 09:19

You can buy it online. I used to get sylk as the packaging was not at all obvious but that was discontinued.

Now get Yes.

Starlight1979 · 09/04/2026 09:19

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 09/04/2026 09:16

You are making a problem where there needn't be one.

Buy it online.

Set up a separate Amazon account or get it from Love Honey.

i don't get the whole 'making it his responsibility'. You are the one that needs it more than he does and it benefits you both sexually so does it really matter that much who buys it?

Agreed.

Original poster
Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 09:18

Thank you for the replies, has been very helpful to see other perspectives! Am going to try and respond to the main recurring points

  1. I do recognise that its within my power to buy it and could do it online etc. I think my perspective on it has been that its his responsibility for logistical reasons (way more time to himself, frequently being child free in shops and not being a teacher local to school so chances of seeing a student/parent is reasonably high) but also just because I take care of everything else (the pill, the bleeding, the thrush etc.).
I have felt aggrieved when we've gone to have sex that he still hasn't bought it. To me, it feels a small thing for him to do to think about my enjoyment and comfort.
  1. I do enjoy sex and think we have a decent sex life. I enjoy it more when we use lube because it doesn't chafe and I dont bleed.
  1. My husband is a good man and our relationship is strong. No other concerns about him and I do believe he just hasn't got round to buying it which is why for the past few weeks we've just had sex anyway because we've wanted to but I put my foot down today as its seemingly just a joke between us now as he hasn't bought any.
  1. Whilst I'm not attempting to make this a huge issue, it got me thinking about the expectations on women to take on almost all of the responsibilities to do with sex. And why shouldn't he play a part? I would absolutely love him to get the snip but he refuses which I find very annoying. He does get sulky and says fine if I won't stay on the pill then we'll use condoms/ not have sex so it keeps the responsibility on me. So I do think that is a him issue.
  1. Thank you for the concerns about my health, will look into the suggestions. My doctor put me on a 6 month course of anti biotics to treat the thrush after I got it 6 times last year. This seems to be working as I haven't had it since December.
OP posts:
rainbowunicorn22 · 09/04/2026 09:18

never bought in a shop its not like you have to go in a sex shop with your kids! if you do not use Amazon, there are loads of other sites just like eBay, LoveHoney, etc all delivered in discreet packaging. meant to say buy mine online with Pharmacy2u when i do my monthly prescription, which I get a reminder for, once I have sorted my tablets i go onto to their shop even get my dogs Spot on from there

Starlight1979 · 09/04/2026 09:17

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

Order it from Boots or Superdrug then?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/04/2026 09:17

Surely you don’t share an online account with your mum for every online retailer? If you can’t order from Amazon order online from Boots, Superdrug, an online chemist - literally put it into google and a whole load of options for online purchase come up.

iamfedupwiththis · 09/04/2026 09:16

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

You say you're a teacher, but you can't think of a solution to this.

Really.

Whereistheweevilexactly · 09/04/2026 09:16

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 09:05

Oh god this doesn’t need to be a wider ‘poor women’ debate, sex is suppose to be fun, just order the lube online and dial down the drama.

Show quote history

Er, sex is supposed to be fun for both parties.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 09/04/2026 09:16

You are making a problem where there needn't be one.

Buy it online.

Set up a separate Amazon account or get it from Love Honey.

i don't get the whole 'making it his responsibility'. You are the one that needs it more than he does and it benefits you both sexually so does it really matter that much who buys it?

Dontgoforward · 09/04/2026 09:16

I am a self confessed prude, I've got worse as I've got older. So I totally agree with you OP.
I mean you could fix the problem and use another online site besides Amazon but why? Why pay for the post and packaging, deal with spam emails forever more etc. when he can just walk into a shop 5 minutes from home without so much as a eyebrow raise.
But I am clearly the minority here OP!

Go to the doctor's about the bleeding though that is always something to get checked out.

Traitorsisontv · 09/04/2026 09:16

Orangeducks · 09/04/2026 08:51

We share an Amazon Prime account with his mum so definitely don't want to order it on there 😆

Other mail order suppliers are available.

Sadly I think you have more issues than just who buys the lube.

Maybe he could do a big shop and get some?

But long term he should be considering a snip. 15 minutes and a day or two of mild discomfort vs years on hormones and their attendant risks and inconvenience.

Does it hurt - a lot less than treading on a lego brick.

Does it affect your 'performance'? as a colleague put it to me after mine. No.

TheHellHoundBlackShuck · 09/04/2026 09:16

Whereistheweevilexactly · 09/04/2026 09:08

Op I think you are conflating two different things! This is not about the gel which you can order very easily by yourself from an on-line chemist.

The concerning issues here are that:

  1. He doesn’t seem willing to go to the slightest bit of trouble for you to ensure your comfort
  2. You don’t seem able to say no to sex with him when it’s not physically comfortable for you
  3. You can’t communicate about this properly without him sulking.

How is the rest of your marriage? Is he a good husband otherwise?

Edited to say sorry I have just read your update op and indeed you are saying that this is representative of your marriage in general 💐

Edited

Exactly. This is one of those threads that has gone off in an odd direction because people picked up on the "teachers can't buy lube" aspect early on rather than the "husband doesn't give a shit about causing his wife vaginal injury" aspect.

2Rebecca · 09/04/2026 09:15

You are both being unreasonable. Don’t have sex without it and grow a pair and buy it. Use scan and shop and scan it straight into a bag if you find check outs that scary.

Ilovelurchers · 09/04/2026 09:15

He probably thinks that people will assume he is either gay, or bad at sex, for needing it - some stupid rubbish like that.

But to be fair, I am not sure you can judge him too harshly as you don't feel comfortable buying it either!

There are plenty of places you can order it on line if neither of you like to buy it.

More concerningly, do you know why sex is making you bleed? I would really get that looked at it you haven't already, as that is very unusual, and suggests to me that either you perhaps have a health issue that needs looking at, or your husband's sexual technique is unusually brutal....

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 09/04/2026 09:14

Since its so fucking easy to buy lube then the dh can do it easily too. But the lazy arse just wants to turn up and fuck his wife without putting any effort in. You know what I wouldn't be having sex with him if he can't even do the minimal required to make it comfortable.

redboxer321 · 09/04/2026 09:13

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/04/2026 09:03

THIS is the point. I'm surprised how many posters - presumably mostly women - are ignoring the fact the OP'S dh doesn't give a shit about it being unpleasant for her.

Show quote history

I'm surprised too.
Far too much concentration on lube, far too little on what seems to be a shitty relationship.
And now OP refers to herself as a prude when she is having sex with a man when it's causing her pain and potentially putting her health at risk.
It's a bit of a leap but he works away 3 days a week, he wouldn't be the first man to be playing away given the opportunity.
As they say on MN, raise your bar OP and good advice to see a GP.

bloomchamp · 09/04/2026 09:13

Love honey orders come discretely packaged.

deserthighway · 09/04/2026 09:13

Goodness me agree with the pp who says dial down the drama and buy it online.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 09/04/2026 09:12

Bigtreeesss · 09/04/2026 08:49

Have you heard of Amazon 😂

but don’t have sex with him if it causes you pain. Why put yourself through that

This
buy online
or say no sex until he buys it
I’ve never heard such nonsense