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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU that I am upset over a tattoo design?

113 replies

Lemonypaintpots · 09/04/2026 07:07

Hello,

sorry this is a little long so please bear with me!

Backstory- I am currently doing an illustration degree, as a mature student and the rise of AI was right around my first year. It is well known that AI has stolen many artworks that are published online to feed into their generators and AI is a big threat to illustrators. My husband and I have had many conversations about AI and he knows my views and knows I do NOT want my work put into any of these. I am a quiet and introverted person, and I don’t generally show my work much to anyone but I am gradually building up more confidence. I have loved art and drawing all my life and by no means new to it,

Moving on to the tattoo- He specifically asked if he could do one of my drawings- and requested a few alterations, which I did. He seemed very happy with the design, and booked in to get it done. I was having a small tattoo done as well so we booked to share a time slot.

Well yesterday was tattoo day. I checked again with him in the morning that he was happy with the design. He said he was, and that he was going to have a small alteration- to add my name into it. As there is a space where this could work, I thought nothing more of it, as I know the tattooist could easily incorporate it.

We got to the studio and began filling out the forms. Whilst he was filling his out, the tattooist asked which design he was going for- mine or the AI. This was news to me and I wondered what was going on. He immediately said, the AI one and asked my opinion. The tattooist showed me the screen with the AI image. I was mortified. I was completely put on the spot, and on the screen was this image with the same items as my drawing, but completely different style. It was very obvious it was AI, the positions had all changed as well, and he could see my reaction wasn’t positive. He tried to explain himself, saying that mine wasn’t very clear so he ran it through AI to sharpen it up. But It’s a completely different image. I just said, well it’s your tattoo so go for whatever you are happy with.

I went off to have mine done, silently furious he put my work into AI, and so embarrassed- that he told me he wanted my design- was it not good enough? I was also embarrassed that he put me on the spot, and that my name was going to be put in the middle of an AI image after hours of hard work making a design.

Later on he showed me, and honestly, It looks AI. When we got home, I expressed my views about AI again, and asked why he did it. He genuinely didn’t expect my reaction, and claimed he forgot to tell me that he ran it through, that he wanted the elements to be different proportions, and sees this AI image as my design. It only has the same objects in- it looks nothing like my style or design at all. Bear in mind I asked several times if there were any changes to be made, and he kept saying no. I explained how I felt, why it bothers me etc. We both hate confrontation, so he just shut down conversation about it and nothing more has been mentioned about tattoos at all. I noticed he has chosen to keep it covered up since. He seems to genuinely not understand my reaction, and I am just so embarrassed that he chose AI, embarrassed that my name is in the middle of it when it’s not my work, and most of all I am disappointed that he hid this all from me until the moment- he clearly knew my opinion and we have never hid things from each other. It’s not like I didn’t ask if there were any further alterations either! It has completely put me off finishing my degree, if my own husband cannot even support me over AI-

So AIBU?

OP posts:

HoppityBun · 09/04/2026 08:59

I think that your husband was extremely inconsiderate and I also think that it is a subject that most people don’t understand about your particular field of expertise.

The Good Ship Illustration and their podcasts are very helpful, if you have not already come across them? https://www.thegoodshipillustration.com

The Good Ship Illustration Ltd.

We offer no-nonsense advice to illustrators and image-makers navigating a creative career.

https://www.thegoodshipillustration.com

PotofPens1 · 09/04/2026 08:56

Do you think the AI 'style' might be what he was going for? Just wondering if he's seen a lot of AI designed tattoos lately and he's subconsciously picked up the idea that that's what tattoos look like.

Still a shitty thing to do though. I have different views on AI and barely know you, but having heard how you feel about AI, I wouldn't put your work into it.

EwwPeople · 09/04/2026 08:56

Lemonypaintpots · 09/04/2026 08:39

Oh gosh I agree they are totally personal and permanent and I wouldn’t want him having something he is unhappy with. However He actually generated the AI one only a couple of days ago and emailed the tattooist the first generated image he created within 5 minutes of generating it... bizarre!
Tattoo was done yesterday.

Show quote history

Yeah that sounds bonkers to me , but as you can tell , A LOT of thought goes into my tattoos. However , it could just be that in this instance the generated image matched his “vision” on the first try. It’s rare, but it has been known to happen. I’m sure you can relate to that feeling of seeing something ( that possibly you can’t even properly describe ) and thinking this is it!

I would talk to him, not about his use of AI, but about hiding it from you , because in my eyes that’s the bigger issue.A calm, reasonable conversation about why he felt he had to hide it and see what you can unpick from there.

ProudAmberTurtle · 09/04/2026 08:55

What are you going to do about it OP?

Are you thinking of LTB?

Trainup · 09/04/2026 08:54

honestly you might as well quit if you’re not going to critically think about AI and how it can complement what you do. It’s here and it’s only getting better. A hatred of it will just make you miserable.

also YABVU to not tell your DH your feelings before he got the tattoo permanently on his body. Poor guy.

Zov · 09/04/2026 08:53

I'm gonna say YABU, because it's his body his choice... You do sound a bit like those people who self publish a novel, and want everyone to read it (and say it's wonderful!)

Even so, I think you're very brave (or bonkers - I can't figure out which one) to do an illustration degree, when AI has been so dominant this decade. You are going to really struggle to get work. If I was only in the first year, I would probably quit too, truth be told, and find another subject to do, and then I would start a fresh degree.

JMHO.

KimHwn · 09/04/2026 08:51

I get your hatred of AI- I work in the creative industries, and it's a pile of shite- but I do think that the biggest problem here is communication. When he asked you at the tattoo studio what you thought, you should have felt comfortable and confident enough to say, 'I don't like the use of AI and I don't want my name on your tattoo if you're going down that route.'
I spent many years in a marriage I thought was brilliant, with a man I thought was lovely- we never had a proper argument. I had no idea how unhealthy that was. When the big disagreements finally arose, we weren't equipped to deal with it, because we'd suppressed our anger and upset about the small stuff. In subsequent relationships, I've had to train myself to be allowed to be vehement about stuff, to fall out, to really say how I feel even if it's not easy for the other person to hear. It's made a big difference!

Mistie2 · 09/04/2026 08:48

I think theres probably two factors at play

your reaction. The comment about giving up your degree, the low self confidence that comes through, the allowing him to have it then seething about it afterwards (to the extent he is hiding it from you) suggests to me that perhaps feedback isn't as easy as you think it is. Especially if your default is to devalue yourself as an artist
People have different relationships with ai, and you also use it for fine tuning stuff. To a lay person outside of the industry they may not see the difference between you using it to change a back ground, and them using it to change a font or size of a flower for example.
I have found that lots of people have really poor ai recognition, and will actually struggle to see half of the differences ai makes. Its possible he really feels like its still your design at heart, with little tweaks.

Recently we were sent a photo of some birds put through ai, the prompt was simple which wasnt about changing the image. Im not an artist but am familiar with the birds. Immediately I was like oh its changed the pose of that one, and could see things like legs being changed, wings no longer correct. However everyone else in our group, accepted it as the same photo with just a filter on.

My general take is that you are right to be annoyed but don't blow it out of proportion.

MadeofCheeese · 09/04/2026 08:48

I completely understand your point of view. I would be sore about this for years. I'm the creative one in my family and yes I'm not amazing and you could get better artists or AI but my family love my drawings and tattoo designs because I did them. He basically chose AI over you. The tattoo is now not sentimental and will be a constant reminder that your efforts and creativity don't mean anything.

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2026 08:46

Ellie1015 · 09/04/2026 07:35

As it was for his tattoo I would be fine with changes so he gets exactly what he wants, he should have been upfront about it though. If he was adding your work to AI for any other reason I would be upset.

Also your name was likely to honour you rather than to sign your work so I wouldnt feel weird about name next to the AI version either.

He's altered her work artificially and she's supposed to feel 'honoured'?

Original poster

Lemonypaintpots · 09/04/2026 08:46

Forgotthebins · 09/04/2026 08:37

Do I understand right that you are happy to use AI in other parts of life - ie benefiting from other people’s work - but not happy that your husband used AI to adjust a tattoo that he will wear for the rest of his life?

it must be awful for both of you that he is essentially wearing an argument on his body. But respectfully, look at whether you are being a bit double standards about this.

I use AI for my small business, adding in a different colour background, or removing unwanted shadows or changing the wording on my photos of a personalised item to save wasting blanks for photos. This use does not use anything that is from other peoples work I wouldn’t generate images or stories or anything like that. I know AI has its uses. Art/Illustration in my opinion is not one of them- there are talented hard working artists out there for that.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2026 08:44

RS1987 · 09/04/2026 07:19

I think you’re overthinking it - try to put it to one side and move on. In the grand scheme of things it’s not as big a deal as you think.

It is to her.

He's asked to use her work, taken it and changed it artificially even though she'd have adapted it for him.

That's a big deal

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2026 08:43

PersephoneParlormaid · 09/04/2026 07:15

Poor guy, he’s had a tattoo done with your name in it and you’re kicking off. It sounds a tad controlling to me. And threatening to not finish your degree sounds like throwing your toys out the pram.

Edited

Controlling? (I hate that word)

He asked to use her design
He asked for a couple of changes - she complied
She asked if he was happy with it or did he want anything else changed - No
He knows how she feels about AI (quite rightly)
And they went to the tattooist, he'd put it through AI and changed it and he put her on the spot over it
Now he won't talk about it

And she's controlling?

Itsanewlife · 09/04/2026 08:41

Lemonypaintpots · 09/04/2026 07:38

We have never really argued, we value each others opinions and he knows I am totally open to criticism and more than happy to alter as much as needed. I have said to him after the tattoo was done that if he is happy with it then I am happy with it- but that I would have preferred my name not to be on something that I didn’t design. It’s his tattoo, and he has to live with it, not me! I get that. I think for me it is more about the fact that he hid his plan- something I have never known him to do before, and TBH I don’t know why he did. He doesn’t know either. He is an amazing husband, so this seems rather out of character-Honesty is so important to me, and he knows that.

I share your concern and skepticism over AI. However, I would just have been clear before he had it done that I did not want my name on AI generated nonsense. Now, the poor chap has it for life and knows you don't like it (whatever you might say after the fact). I do think you should speak up. So you are not being unreasonable to be upset or not like the design/what AI did to it, but you were absolutely being unreasonable in quietly fuming. You need to assert your opinion and rights over your intellectual property - which is also the skill you need to thrive in this world!

Original poster

Lemonypaintpots · 09/04/2026 08:39

EwwPeople · 09/04/2026 08:15

I think of it was about something different to a tattoo, it would be YANBU.

But, and it’s a big but, tattoos are permanent and extremely personal. They have to be just right and while I can see how hurt you are, him walking around for ever with something that isn’t quite right /to his liking on his body , just to spare you feelings, wouldn’t be any better either.

I really want a new tattoo(and have for years) , but I haven’t found anything that is “IT” , rather than “yeah that’s nice” so I’m not having one done.

I also think that if his instructions were really prescriptive (as you do when you use AI) … make that bigger, slide that to the left , turn this upside down, add a happy cow, do it in the style of .., and so on, you’d also find it quite insulting. Mainly because every artist has their own style and creative licence that they incorporate in their designs. I have a feeling that to end up with what he really wanted, it wouldn’t have been truly “your” design anyway if that makes sense.

OP posts:

WildLeader · 09/04/2026 08:38

I’d request a cover up on your name but. It’s not your design.
100%. I understand what you’re feeling and why. You not wrong to feel like this and you H shouldn’t have done this.

a fucking tattoo too! It’s permanent!

GreenGodiva · 09/04/2026 08:38

PersephoneParlormaid · 09/04/2026 07:15

Edited

I’m a glass artist. I can spend 40-100 hours working on a new design, cutting, grinding, foiling, soldering. I share a photo online and within days Temu type platforms have stolen my images and are selling plastic replicas for 1/10th the price while the artist is left with r and d costs, materials and struggling sales.

How is that fair? I would be hired in your shoes to op. You offered repeatedly to do any alterations and add the artist you also should get to decide who owns your work. I

Forgotthebins · 09/04/2026 08:37

it must be awful for both of you that he is essentially wearing an argument on his body. But respectfully, look at whether you are being a bit double standards about this.

Bikergran · 09/04/2026 08:35

I would ask him to go back and have your name tattooed over, and make it clear he is NOT to tell people it is your design. Arsehole.

ohwtf · 09/04/2026 08:34

I'd be fucking furious too, AI is ruining everything and tattooists are fed up of people using it for designs. Honestly, people take the absolute piss.

NotPhilippaGeorgiou · 09/04/2026 08:34

People always said to me that you learn more at uni than just the content of the course! If you enjoy the course finish it for fun. I completely get your pain from AI theft as I am a computer programmer and AI claims to be going to replace us too. AI isn't very good at computer programming and code generators have been marketed as the end of computer programming several times in the past. They just make a mess quicker.

Pipsquiggle · 09/04/2026 08:24

I am very intrigued
Could you post a picture of your design and the AI version?
I use AI a lot at work but I use data and presentations so I think it's less emotional.

I can see how this would be hurtful to you but I also see AI as an inevitable tool. It's not going away so how can you use it to your advantage

remodelornot · 09/04/2026 08:23

Lemonypaintpots · 09/04/2026 07:46

Yes this is what my issue is- I think it can be hard for non-creatives to understand how much effort goes in - the years of learning techniques, practise, refinement etc. hours every day- just to be chucked into a generator. My husband sees all the efforts I go to, and knows how important his criticisms are as well - I think that’s why this particularly bothers me- because It makes me wonder if he has been sparing my feelings on other work.

Show quote history

I‘m a creative too. So I do understand it. But we work with what we have so for me that means my work is online. With all the advantages and disadvantages that brings.

Does your uni an AI philosophy/ crit module? I’d do that if I were you to really work out your position on this and make peace with it or build a practice away from AI (may not be possible as you’ll always have to show your work which is online)

Fromage · 09/04/2026 08:22

Your husband knew what he was doing.

I would ask him to have my name removed from the tattoo, tbh.

PurpleThistle7 · 09/04/2026 08:18

My husband has designed a tattoo for me. I haven’t gotten it yet as we don’t have the money, but we have it ready to go. He’s not a professional artist, but he does pen and ink drawings and we worked together on a design - he did a few versions. He knows the tattoo artist will clean it up a bit and make it more symmetrical and there might be minor changes just with where I want it on my body and the sizing and whatnot, but I wouldn’t inherently change the design - it would still be his design.

I actually think it’s super depressing that the tattoo artist resorted to this too. I’m always blown away by tattoo artists and how they can make anything happen on a very random canvas so that’s super disappointing.

I was at a women in science talk last week and someone asked about AI. It was really interesting as the women in hard sciences were talking about how a well designed, specific AI can do amazing things to input into work - scanning all the known stars to look for something, or look for diseases in samples, etc. But asking AI to ‘think’ is where the problems start. Leaving aside the environmental concerns even, it just doesn’t make great things happen. The author on the panel was horrified by what she’d seen - her books were fed through without her permission to try to teach AI to write, and the results were as you’d expect.

Basically I think your specific concerns are valid but also wouldn’t love my husband flat out ignoring me about any request. It doesn’t require agreement in principals to stick to something you’ve agreed to as a partner. If it was any other disagreement I’d think the same, either don’t agree or stick to it. And having a permanent reminder of a rough argument will be difficult for you- I’m so sorry.

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