Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the going out(nightlife drinking) is a trap

187 replies

NeedingASafeSpace · 08/04/2026 20:28

in my late teens to mid 20s I was always loving life wanting to go out whenever I could. I would itch to go out for then Friday, drink and dabble a little with party drugs Friday Saturday and Sunday and then feel regret come Monday morning. Some Mondays I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror! I had my children a totally calmed down. I stopped going out of course (lack of child care but also I don’t want to!) I get offers now for people to have my children while I go out but honestly looking back on how I used to be? No thanks! I have responsibilities now and so my whole life has changed dramatically. I don’t drink at all anymore. Needless to say I absolutely do not touch drugs now.
thinking back to my life before my children, I was so lost and alone! I definitely believe if I had not had children and carried on how I did, I would have an issue with some form of substance now (either drink or c0k3). I am not saying I ever felt addicted but I’d admit I was likely on the pathway and so were the people I chose to associate with.
a night out to me sounds horrendous. When I think back to how alcohol made me feel… alone, depressed, in self sabotage mode and a shitty human at times. Argh I do not miss it one bit. I do believe it is a trap. Or was that just for me? Uh… I don’t know?

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 08/04/2026 20:46

My spelling is horrendous I am sorry my phone screen is broken so I am trying my best!

OP posts:
ItsOnlyHobnobs · 08/04/2026 20:45

That’s why I asked the question @ItsPickleRick.

The opener did seem pretty loaded about life being terrible going out partying and having children has been the turn around. I acknowledged that it was good the op felt happy with their life now, I just didn’t love the connotations of wanting to pile on for different choices.

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 08/04/2026 20:44

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 08/04/2026 20:40

But you can recognise that that isn’t a universal experience, yes?

I understand that people once they have children have that mindset quite typically of renewed purpose, but do you consider all of societies lives to be empty without offspring?

Show quote history

Absolutely not. I think looking back and now I admire people who have their lives together. Another post here mentioned they could go out and drink or not drink. That’s unimaginable for me but amazing and admirable. I feel happy for people who don’t need that satisfaction of going out partying or taking drugs to feel they have a purpose. The ones who could sit in their own company out of choice. The ones with their shit together basically. I admire that and I always do dream of being that person. I wouldn’t change my life now of course but back then I do notice “that person” who has their shit together and I loved that for them.

OP posts:
ItsPickleRick · 08/04/2026 20:42

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 08/04/2026 20:40

But you can recognise that that isn’t a universal experience, yes?

I understand that people once they have children have that mindset quite typically of renewed purpose, but do you consider all of societies lives to be empty without offspring?

Show quote history

Nowhere, in either the OP or any subsequent posts, did the OP say that.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 08/04/2026 20:40

NeedingASafeSpace · 08/04/2026 20:38

i definitely do feel I was a floating no body until my children came along and gave me a purpose.

Show quote history

But you can recognise that that isn’t a universal experience, yes?

I understand that people once they have children have that mindset quite typically of renewed purpose, but do you consider all of societies lives to be empty without offspring?

5128gap · 08/04/2026 20:40

I think there's sonething about having innocent young children that makes you recoil with horror from all the debauchery you once indulged in. You are horrified at the risks, the irresponsibility and almost seediness of then compared with your new wholesome life.
Sometimes as they grow up, the feeling fades and you remember the fun and it doesn't feel as awful. Then you might decide to venture out for another go round. Albeit less wild.

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 08/04/2026 20:39

curlyfriess · 08/04/2026 20:37

I think you just grew up OP! Most people do eventually! Having children definitely brought meaning to my life that I didn't have before. I loved clubbing when I was young but i can see that I was lonely and lost at times too. I was very happy to settle down when the time came.

I have definitely grown up in some aspects. Others I’m still trying! My party shoes are definitely hung up, I’d say!

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 08/04/2026 20:38

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 08/04/2026 20:35

I’m pleased you feel happy in your life now.

I don’t love the narrative that life is empty and wasted until the children come along.

i definitely do feel I was a floating no body until my children came along and gave me a purpose.

OP posts:
curlyfriess · 08/04/2026 20:37

I think you just grew up OP! Most people do eventually! Having children definitely brought meaning to my life that I didn't have before. I loved clubbing when I was young but i can see that I was lonely and lost at times too. I was very happy to settle down when the time came.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 08/04/2026 20:35

I’m pleased you feel happy in your life now.

I don’t love the narrative that life is empty and wasted until the children come along.

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 08/04/2026 20:34

44PumpLane · 08/04/2026 20:31

I think that was just you, I used to love going out, most of the time I'd drink, some time I wouldn't. I never did drugs, never smoked, didn't ever fancy it.

Have kids now, don't want to go out drinking and dancing like I used to, but the occasional night out with friends, sitting in a bar and having a laugh is still an amazing night out.

I’m glad you could and still can have a lovely time. Maybe I just got in too deep with it all… thankfully I did not develop any issues.

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 08/04/2026 20:31

I think that was just you, I used to love going out, most of the time I'd drink, some time I wouldn't. I never did drugs, never smoked, didn't ever fancy it.

Have kids now, don't want to go out drinking and dancing like I used to, but the occasional night out with friends, sitting in a bar and having a laugh is still an amazing night out.