To think the going out(nightlife drinking) is a trap

Exactly this.

Im in my 40s and still love going out. Having DS didn’t stop that.
I’ve never smoked and I’m vehemently anti drugs but I like a drink and a dance. Most nights I switch to soft drinks part way through the night.
My entire personality didn’t change when I became a mum.

Women without children are not ‘floating nobodies’.

You seem to lurch to extremes. It’s normal to go on a night out without getting drunk, it’s also normal to have children without them being your entire reason for existing and also to not have children and have a fulfilled life.

Same.

I've had good times since, continue to have good times, and had good times then. It was fun.

You say in your OP that you have no interest in nights out like that anymore, so I'm not sure why you feel that's a trap. As a PP said, that just growing up!

In our teens and twenties we are still adolescents, and risky behaviour is part of that, it's only a problem if you still want to behave like that when you are 10-20 years older and have kids.

I'm quite similar OP. I do think with me it was due to trauma and really bad social anxiety that I masked with alcohol and drugs. When I was pregnant I had to lose that crutch and it helped me learn to enjoy life without being off my face.

I don't understand the point about it being a trap.

You can go out and drink/take drugs or you can stay in.
You can give it up at any time.
That time might be when you get older whether you have children or not.

What is the trap?

Nope, I do not regret one night of my booze swigging, pill popping, rollie smoking, rave going, stranger snogging, hangover nursing, party animal days. Some of the best times of my life! x

Exactly the same as you OP. Haven’t drunk for almost 15 years now, have no interest in starting again. I think those that had a more moderate approach in their teens and 20s might not understand!

I do go out and meet friends but generally for coffee, dinner, spa etc. no wild nights!

For me it's the horror of wilfully missing that much sleep.

But I had left my clubbing days far behind before I had my son. There wasn't nearly as much as a culture shock for those of us who had kids later!

My child is the best and most important thing in my life hands down. I adore her and would do anything for her.

But I also think it’s incredibly important to have a life outside of being a mother.

You owe it both to yourself and to your children not to disappear into motherhood. You will eventually wake up to a life which isn’t centred on them and you need to keep your centre of gravity intact. Also a mother who is too invested to allow her children to grow and develop into their own selves is not doing them any favours.

I'm not sure, it was never for me to be honest. I did do a bit of that in my teens and early 20's not loads but enough to know I wasn't really missing out on anything. I think I only every had a really good time once or twice. I remember nights being in a club and bored and wishing I'd jumped on the last bus home rather than be stuck out and having to crash on someone's sofa. I didn't and don't really drink though and I think you need some kind of substance to really enjoy being out like that. I'd rather have been in bed with a book and even then my ideal time out was mooching around second hand book shops and getting tea and cake.

I could have written this post. Except I went on to have a full blown alcohol addiction post divorce (however now made a full recovery). I can't imagine anything worse now getting dressed up, pissed up dancing and being surrounded by drunk people. It was so normalised when I was younger.

You can still go out when you're older with children, have a good time & still maintain a good balance. I had a bad binge drinking spell for 2 or 3 years when my kids were small. Thankfully my dh made up for my lack of responsibilty. If I'd stayed like that I really believe I'd be an alcoholic now.
Now, at the age of 60 I can.go out til 3am & I hardly touch a drop. I think my body just said no to alcohol & I just don't fancy it now

I don't like the narrative that it is immature to go for nights out and if you want to go out, you haven't grown up.

I remember when I was 30, I mentioned to a friend that I was going out on a bank holiday. I had no boyfriend and hoped to meet someone. The smugness was dripping off her. Of course SHE had her partner and had moved on etc.

For the record, I never smoked or took drugs I only had a few drinks and only got drunk a few times in my life. I am now 54. I work fulltime and have professional exams.

Now I rarely go out due to dcs and cost etc. However I still enjoy drinks out a few times a year, and I drink at the weekends ar home.

Correct op, it’s an open forum for you to ask a question and receive feedback and differing opinions.

I’m sorry you had personal dealings with potential addiction/mental health issues, and pleased you are happy in your life now. Quite often addictions can be transferred, which is something to be mindful of.

I wouldn't change my pre kid partying days and have zero regrets about them. I sometimes long for the going out with my mates and getting pissed on a Friday night days. Now a days I'm happy staying in watching Monty Don 🤣

I had a semi debauched life when I was younger. I loved every second of it!! I have children and still love going out with my friends, have danced until the early hours and had a great time.

I don’t think it’s a trap? Sorry you didn’t have a good time. I guess everyone’s experiences are different. Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Your second paragraph describes me to a tee! That’s exactly where I’m at now and bloody loving it, although my nights now start at 4pm instead of
10pm🤣

What do you mean by a trap? Who is setting the trap?
Do you go out for lunch with friends, without getting drunk, or off your head on drugs? Why can't you take that attitude out with you in the evening?
Have you tried going to the cinema in the evening with friends and maybe having just one drink afterwards?

I miss those times, they’re long gone for me - too old, too many health issues, cba!
I didn’t do drugs though other than the odd spliff.
im glad i did it all and have fun memories to look back on.

I really dislike this narrative too and this post has the ring of a new evangelistic convert.

OP it goes without saying having to rely on booze and party drugs isn't great (although I will cut people who do it in their 20s a bit of slack as I did it myself). But certainly it gets pretty old after a bit.

But the idea that you can't be happy/fulfilled without children is nonsense and pretty offensive to people who don't. There are plenty of ways to have an incredible life as a child free person. I adore my DD and don't regret having her for a minute but in a parallel universe I could imagine having a wonderful life unshackled by children.

If you only get fulfilment from your children you're going to struggle after they've grown up and flown the nest.