To think the going out(nightlife drinking) is a trap

Of course you can be happy and fulfilled without children - the OP didn’t say anything remotely like that and acknowledges that her experience isn’t universal

The “my children are my world” crowd make me roll my eyes. It’s a life stage - they grow up and do their own thing.

What’s wrong with a night out?! Never touched drugs but nothing sinister about having a good dance and drink with your friends occasionally. God the mummy puritans are extremely dull.

Some people are not able to go out for the night and not drink too much or take drugs.

The OP is allowed her own feelings.

But no I don’t think nights out are a trap. Most people can regulate their involvement and enjoy going out once a week or just occasionally.

You sound like you have an addictive personality OP. All or nothing.

What focus do you have on your career, your relationship, friends, travel, interests? Are those part of your life? Or all or nothing passions too?

I know what the OP means and for some of us, no, there isnt an in between.

I am a very all or nothing person too and I dont do things in moderation (possibly undiagnosed ADHD I am not sure). For me, the choice was getting absolutely smashed or avoiding it completely. If you can moderate then thats great, I am glad, but some of us cant do that and that lack of being able to do that did place us on this rollercoaster of huge highs and then huge lows, it wasnt a safe or peaceful place to be. So I know why the OP has framed it this way.

I dont think its a "trap" but I do agree with you OP and know exactly what you mean.

I grew up in the late 90s/early 00s and at that time, clubbing and getting smashed was just the thing young people did. It was glorified in the media, people falling out of clubs, smashed off their faces was considered the epitome of fun and being cool. Ladette culture and drinking until you puked was "normal" and considered a very routine part of a night out. Musicians smashing up hotel rooms was also considered to be weirdly admirable. It was so fucked up looking back. I engaged in it all back then and though I thought at the time it was great, on reflection, I wasnt actually that happy at all. There were moments of fun but it wasnt that kind of lasting peacefulness you get from feeling fulfilled.

I have teens now and they dont seem to be remotely into all that stuff and neither are their friends, the culture now is very different.

I am much happier now, the kind of genuine contentment that settles in your gut and stays, its not all the chemical highs and lows of those times and there were times back then when I went to some very dark places indeed. Being in nature and with my family is where I feel happy now and its real, not facilitated by vodka.

In what way is going out a trap OP?

Agree with the poster who says the OP sounds like an evangelical convert - the phrase "my children are my world" is usually a red flag on dating apps!

You don’t mention a career, interests or travel. Did you have no other focus than partying?

Do you have no other focus than your children?

Might be a good idea to find other interests you can develop, so you’re not lost when your children grow up.

I loved my late teens/ early 20s going out in the 90s. Was all pretty innocent and never touched any drug in my life. Just loved drinking and dancing all night. In fat once we got to the club we’d just drink water as we were so thirsty dancing for hours. In my 50s now and drink very little but still love a dance but mainly in my kitchen.

well it is personal to the op
and perhaps there are others who experience the same.

The problem is that OP seems to think there are only 2 modes - go out, drink to excess, take drugs, risky behaviour (i.e The Trap); or, sit at home whether that be with or without children. They are glad they have escaped The Trap by sitting at home.

It’s a very odd take, given there is a whole spectrum inbetween. You can go out for the night and not take drugs, or drink to excess or at all whether you are a parent or not, but that all seems lost on the OP for whom only two life choices exist.

What is a ‘floating nobody’? Maybe you need to work on your self esteem and your confidence. Why are you calling yourself a nobody? Get out there and live your life the best way you can, that’s my advice.

What about careers? Lots of people are studying for professional exams in their 20s along with working in responsible jobs. They can still go out but can't go out 3 nights a week and spend
days nursing a hangover.

It is a bit disingenuous to suggest that people don't have meaning and responsibility until they have kids.

I agree with this and also think that parenting is an incredibly meaningful, fulfilling, challenging, rewarding and extremely purposeful undertaking, often requiring sacrifice. Of course having children should shake you out of a lifestyle not conducive to being properly responsible for them.

That's not to say that there aren't many other very purposeful callings in life that don't involve kids, but its disingenuous to imply that being responsible for small and vulnerable children isn't way up there at the top of big jobs that require a lifestyle change. Personally I didnt have a reason not to party hard in my twenties until I had kids at 30. I was drifting aimlessly until I had small people to look after. I didn't think this would be a terribly contentious issue!

At 50 I still like to go out dancing and have a drink, not all the time but once a month or so at a day club, but friends aren't interested or only want to go once in a blue moon.

You've had a really hard time on this thread. Nothing in your post suggests that you think everyone is fulfilled by the same things as you. It odd that on a site called MUMSnet people can't talk about parenthood fulfilling them.

Life is short and messy. We're just accidental biological things that spawned on a spinning rock in space.

Don't waste your time making things deep and emotional when they're not. People like different things - that's the whole point. And people change every few years (five maybe?)

It's not that deep

Crack on and enjoy the things you enjoy.

I don't really go out anymore, a few times a year maybe, but I loved it when I was younger. Im childfree so I can't say its because my life has a new meaning, its just that Im older and have lost interest. And love to be in bed by 10pm.

I had a very similar experience to you op. I honestly think having kids has added many years to my life expectancy. I knocked it all on the head immediately the day I found out I was pregnant with DC1 and I haven't looked back. I've also found that my alcohol tolerance has dropped to basically zero. I get such an awful hangover after just a couple of drinks that it's not worth it, so I'm pretty much teetotal now.

My kids are adults now and I’m doing it all again 🤣. Not the drugs, I’ve never been into them but I met my DD in London last night and we enjoyed several 🥂🍹in the sunshine.

I wouldn't call it a trap. I'd say it sounded like a typical young adult lifestyle.

Glad you are happy now, but try to find 'you' in your life and don't just be 'mum'.

Life never takes a back seat. (Sorry this was meant to quote horace)

Going against the grain here. There's a strong focus on Mumsnet about staying in being the new going out. Very judgemental of alcohol etc. Speaking for myself here but I'm not totally convinced that staying on the sofa watching netflix and doom scrolling on Mumsnet is inherently more wholesome or valuable than a night on the tiles, connecting with friends and humanity in general.

Of course there's a darker side there and it can be a relief to have escaped it but intoxication, dancing etc is a fairly common human need throughout human history - a sort of counterpoint to consciousness that can be pretty painful. I'm not sure the new healthier living era has coincided with a period of better mental health.

I have never taken drugs and had a pretty settled life from very young, but I do sometimes think a bit of hedonism has its place.

It wasn’t a trap for me. Through my late teens and uni years I had big nights out at least twice a week. No drugs, but lots of alcohol. Through my mid to late twenties it was one a week. Loved it. Had a great time dancing on tables, singing my heart out and stumbling to the taxi rank, heels in one hand and cheesy chips in the other. It was fabulous, in smiling just remembering it all now.
Nowadays I’m 36 with a partner and a baby and my friends and I prefer day drinking… drinks, laughs and home by 9pm. And this happens about three or four times a year.
I felt my line was fulfilled then, and it is fulfilled now. Just in different ways.