To think the going out(nightlife drinking) is a trap

YANBU
I hear you.

You are right, for so many directionless people, it really can and does so easily become an addiction before they even know it.

Birds of a feather stick together and unwittingly egg each other on. Then some will wake up and go in a positive sensible direction, whilst others become addicts.

I’m glad things worked out for you.

Just you. I never stopped going out when I had my children. They are grown ups now, and despite being old, I still love going out with my mates or with my OH. Alcohol doesn’t make me feel the way you describe. I drink less than I used to now, stopped going to clubs many, many years ago, and don’t go out every week but I still really enjoy it.

I do roll my eyes a bit at this narrative in general (not aimed at you, OP).

I never saw going out as a “trap”, I love getting dressed up, going out out, drinking and dancing. I loved it in my 20s and still do in my 30s. The only difference now is that it happens less, as people drift, settle down, or have kids.

I completely get why some people prefer a calmer, more home-focused lifestyle, but there’s no need to put down the party scene, I’d still choose that over a sit-down meal for fun.

What does make me roll my eyes is when people loudly claim they’re “wholesome” and above that lifestyle, then go through a breakup and suddenly become full-on party animals online… until they find their next partner and switch back again

And yet, millions of parents don’t change for the better or at all. Some develop substance abuse issues BECAUSE they had kids.

But you don’t mind offending the childless not by choice?

I also felt similarly op

Not an addict but childhood trauma so well set up to develop substance misuse problems.

Now with kids however much it offends the child free or intentionally detached - no three is no love like it, yes it changes your world, yes you strive to be better because of it and no for many people this massive improvement would not have happened without kids.

It’s a choice. Sounds more like your BIL used it as an excuse to avoid parenting his own children.

You don’t have to get absolutely plastered, you can do things to mitigate the hangover, you can suck it up and function the best you can because your kids need parenting.

I have a slightly younger friend. In his late 20s/early 30s he was still in a cycle of going out Thursday/Friday/Saturday nights. Spending all day Sunday hungover and eating takeaways. On Monday he would be ‘depressed’.

Ended up taking loads of antidepressants, going to therapy. Went on for years, same routine.

Got a job in the countryside, started walking/climbing and is a different person. He wasn’t depressed just in a cycle of highs and lows. He is still very sociable and likes a drink but just the odd night.

I liked going out but it sucks your life away, fine when you are younger and recover. My BIL started going out again in his 30s and would spend all weekend in bed recovering, and he had small children, it’s a waste of a life.

That's a shame for you. Perhaps line up some therapy for when they leave home?

If you are talking to me, I actually meant I don't currently do any drugs including weed or alcohol.

I’d spend Mondays looking in the mirror and smiling. Best years of my life.

So is calpol/paracetamol if we’re being pedantic. By that logic, everyone is a drug taker.

Absolutely. Anything which consumes your entire existence to the exclusion of anything else is not healthy. Even if its children.

The MN ‘I’ve never done drugs’ crew 🙄 alcohol is a drug ffs

I don’t think it’s particularly healthy to have your kids as your whole world and your only source of happiness/purpose.That’s a lot of responsibility to put on very tiny shoulders.

You basically just swapped one unhealthy coping mechanism, with another.

Like pps, I don't like the narrative that life is meaningless without children. But I also don't really drink alcohol anymore and don't do drugs (even weed). I also hate busy environments like bars on a Saturday night where you can't find comfortable standing space let alone a table. I don't miss that at all.

I do miss raves though 😂. I loved them. There was always a chill out area or a bit of field depending on the venue and I had the best chats in the ladies toilets too. I couldn't do it now as the late nights alone woule finish me off, but if I could rewind and do it all again I would. My kids are primary age now but, hypocritically, I hope they do not do some of the things I did 😬

I have no children but even I grew up and calmed it down when I hit 30. My ex colleague married with 5 kids and grandkids still into her 60s gets drunk and loses her glasses in the street (dropped them think stepped on them) and gets her bag nicked in bars. But she’s an office worker and it’s kind of “acceptable” in society certain levels to get stupid drunk and do silly things. 🥴

Hmm people keep saying that but not actually seeing the reality going by my young adults and basically all their many friends!

I relate to what you’re saying OP but I have reached the conclusion that I have an addictive personality and had a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol in my younger years, rather than that going out and drinking is in and of itself a trap.

It’s interesting though that the current generation of young adults drink much less than we did.

Totally agree, it’s horrible. Like the people who will tell you you don’t know love or happiness until you have children. Fuck off with that.

Exactly. It suggests someone with a slightly addictive personality who is all or nothing in whatever she does and doesn’t sound very healthy.

Being young, going out and drinking is entirely normal for a person of a certain age. Looking after and being consumed by your children is for a different one. Neither should be done to the exclusion of everything else in your life.

The “my children are my world” crowd make me roll my eyes.

I wonder where their husbands/partners fit into their world. And what their lives will look like when the children have grown up.

I've rediscovered my party shoes post divorce and with adult children.

I also now have the money to go to all the gigs I wished I could have afforded when I was younger. And the time, as I'm not looking after little people.

Plus now that I'm more mature, I've now got the confidence to go to these things alone. XH would never go with me, friends weren't interested, so I just didn't go as I had no one to go with.

Never been a drug user, enjoy having a drink or 2 at the weekend if I'm out, but going out and dancing until late still gives me the kick it used to. I went through a phase of day discos last year, but they got a bit too samey.

Give me a good night out at the weekend and I'm set up for the week.

OP I loved going out at the weekend in my 20s. I didn't do drugs but I loved having (maybe more than) a few drinks and having fun on the dance floor. I went out alot as a student and then every Saturday when I was working until kids came along. I loved getting dressed up and seeing friends and the parties we had were genuinely so much fun. I worked in a bar for a few years along with girls I house shared with and honestly the craic we had was brilliant. Yes plenty of hangovers and some regret mixed in but most of the time it was great. I'm 45 now with 2 kids and I still enjoy the occasional night out (though starting early and home early and somewhere where I can have a seat and hear myself think 😂). It sounds like you maybe overdid it frequently and that's why you feel this way but for me, I genuinely had the best fun in my 20s.

I really don’t like the narrative that not having children means you’re not properly grown up and are hung up on empty pleasures. It seems to be very prevalent on this thread.