Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?

88 replies

Browndoor25 · 08/04/2026 20:16

Ok so firstly he knows I’ve taken photos and that I’m making this thread. He doesn’t care.

I traveled across the country to stay with my friend for afew nights. I knew he was a messy bugger, but I overestimated my ability to cope with mess. We are good-ish friends but complete opposites when it comes to the house keeping and cleanliness department. He’s gone through a really hard time recently so I can’t be too hard on him. He said he spent days cleaning for me and that his flat is the cleanest it has even been, and he was genuinely offended that I wouldn’t stay. He is such a lovely guy, he offered me his bed and he would have taken the sofa but I just couldn’t. So I’ve booked a last minute hotel! He thinks I’m being a drama queen with my ridiculously high standards. Maybe I am, I don’t know. Am I? I feel quite guilty and this isn’t supposed to be a serious thread. We’ll probably have a laugh over it later in the hotel bar 🫣

AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?
AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?
AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?
OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Coka · 10/04/2026 00:11

There is minimal mess there so i think he has propably spent a lot of time "tyding" however its filthy and he now needs to spend time cleaning and basic decorating if possible.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 09/04/2026 20:07

It’s not messy, it’s filthy. I wouldn’t stay there either, and I certainly wouldn’t be helping him clean.

Original poster
Browndoor25 · 09/04/2026 19:52

SandyHappy · 08/04/2026 21:02

Is that paint on the hallway carpet? You can see it on the entryways into the other rooms too like it's been dropped everywhere then scuffed in?

Also, he's ruining that floor by the coffee table by dropping food/drinks and obviously not wiping it up in a timely manner, it's soaked into the wood now, Tell him he needs a washable rug down under that table!

People can live how they like for me, but ruining flooring/carpets is completely unnecessary!

its wood shavings, he has Guinea pigs. I did offer to go back today and help him hoover. He said it was fine, and that it’s the tidiest it’s ever been. I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree. On my way home now.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 08/04/2026 21:35

Anyahyacinth · 08/04/2026 21:02

All the posters thinking it's her job to sort out 🤦‍♀️ nope...why is she cast as a Mummy figure??

100% right to flee that

She's not cast as a Mummy figure... but a decent friend of a struggling man (who has tried hard for days to clean up in advance of her arrival and this is the best he has done) would surely try to help him?

Is that not part of friendship? To help when your friends are having a difficult time?

PonyPatter44 · 08/04/2026 21:07

Well, he's a rubbish host, isn't he? He knows he's got a friend coming to visit, and can't even be arsed to push the hoover round and pick the fucking fag ends off the floor. Why are there fag ends on the floor anyway - doesn't the lazy knob own an ashtray?

LauraJaneGrace · 08/04/2026 21:07

Depends..At 25 I'd have bunked down there nae bother.

Now in my fifties I'd run for the hills whilst tossing him a bottle of bleach.

OriginalUsername2 · 08/04/2026 21:05

Browndoor25 · 08/04/2026 20:39

Sorry but I didn’t travel half way across the country to scrap his shit stains off the toilet… I was there to see him, not be a cleaner for him.

Show quote history

I fully agree!

It looks horrific, like the sort of place where they find drug addicts shooting up in tv shows.

TheBlueKoala · 08/04/2026 21:05

Barney16 · 08/04/2026 21:01

I would have cleaned it, but I love cleaning. It would have been a proper challenge. But you aren't being unreasonable if it made you feel anxious.Edited to add if you felt it was right to book a hotel that was the right thing to do.

Edited

You are very welcome to mine anytime you feel like it :).

Rachel2409 · 08/04/2026 21:05

God it’s a sh*th**e. No way I’d have stayed. And I’m not super house proud, have the usual stuff about etc but that’s plain dirty.

TheBlueKoala · 08/04/2026 21:03

Is that dust on the sofa? And cigarette butts on the floor? And wine poured on the ceiling? It does look like a crack nest.

@Browndoor25 He obv has mh problems to be able to live in that. I am messy but this is not mess- it's dirty- utterly disgusting. I would never sleep in that sofa- tbf I wouldn't even sit on it.

MentilLentil · 08/04/2026 21:02

Cig butts on the floor and ash plus mould, dirty carpet and damp, it must smell really bad in there !! I dont blame you. It sucks youve had to pay for a hotel but hopefully you can support him from the sidelines as this isnt your job!

Anyahyacinth · 08/04/2026 21:02

All the posters thinking it's her job to sort out 🤦‍♀️ nope...why is she cast as a Mummy figure??

100% right to flee that

thewonderfulmrswatson · 08/04/2026 21:02

I am a total clean freak. I grew up jn filth & it has given me OCD with cleaning & have a overwhelming fear of germs & illness so no i wouldn't BUT i would have at least offered to help him fettle it but I wouldn't have stayed there. It also looks like he smokes in there too which is a huge no no to me.

SandyHappy · 08/04/2026 21:02

Is that paint on the hallway carpet? You can see it on the entryways into the other rooms too like it's been dropped everywhere then scuffed in?

Also, he's ruining that floor by the coffee table by dropping food/drinks and obviously not wiping it up in a timely manner, it's soaked into the wood now, Tell him he needs a washable rug down under that table!

People can live how they like for me, but ruining flooring/carpets is completely unnecessary!

MentilLentil · 08/04/2026 21:01

Nopenousername · 08/04/2026 20:51

My first thought was how inappropriate to post pics presumably without his knowledge, but then I scrolled down and saw even more pics. You are outrageous

Did you read the thread???? "Without his knowledge" is bullshit.

Barney16 · 08/04/2026 21:01

I would have cleaned it, but I love cleaning. It would have been a proper challenge. But you aren't being unreasonable if it made you feel anxious.Edited to add if you felt it was right to book a hotel that was the right thing to do.

Villanellesproudmum · 08/04/2026 21:00

Nasty thread attempting to shame someone, how is that working out for you?

Dalmationday · 08/04/2026 20:59

Nah I wouldn’t stay there

Passingthrough123 · 08/04/2026 20:59

Sidebeforeself · 08/04/2026 20:56

Ive reported this thread. We only have your word that he’s given approval to share these photos and it looks like he’s struggling for money or perhaps his mental health is not so good, but I dont think thisis in the spirit of MN.

I've reported it too. It's potentially a massive breach of privacy of a vulnerable man.

Newmummypamela · 08/04/2026 20:59

Yuk, that is grim - I couldn't bear to even do a quick visit to a place like that, let alone spend the night there. Just no, it's quite depressing!

Wheresidminstrelsgo · 08/04/2026 20:58

BudgetBuster · 08/04/2026 20:24

Would you not have been better to flick the switch on the hoover and help him out.... instead of making a thread on Mumsnet to shake him and prove you are somehow superior?

This. He’s having a hard time and has tried.

ohyesido · 08/04/2026 20:57

That’s a midden! What’s with the cigarette ends on the floor, I’d be off too

dudsville · 08/04/2026 20:57

I'm another who finds the posting of pics of a good friend's dirty home uncomfortable. That said, no, I wouldn't have stayed either. I'm interested in the number of people who said that you should have helped clean. Unless he's recently in a bad way and his normal standards are reasonably clean then I wouldn't offer to clean someone else's home.

gamerchick · 08/04/2026 20:57

Throw, hoover and mopping. I was expecting shit all over and a kitchen/ bathroom with a crust.

Passingthrough123 · 08/04/2026 20:57

Hullabalooza · 08/04/2026 20:56

I can’t believe you’re getting flack for this given that you have his agreement to post. Perhaps you thought him seeing the responses would give him a boost to improve things and help him see that that is not a normal level of grime to live with.
I can’t believe people are saying you should flick a hoover on either, like you say you’ve driven to see him not to clean for him if you have a good relationship your honesty might really help and only you know how he is taking that.
I hope you still manage to have a nice time visiting and perhaps at some stage you can have a conversation about how things have got. If he doesn’t see an issue with the level of grime and it’s a dealbreaker for you at least you can reevaluate the time you choose to spend with him.

We only have her word for it that he knows and has given permission.