AIBU to wonder how twins’ closeness changes in adult life?

Not at all. They were in the same class all the way through - I wanted them to go to different schools for the sixth form, and one of them did one day at a different school and then said either she was going back to her old school, or she would leave school, so I let her go back. They took different options for A levels, and did completely different degree subjects at different universities. I think there is very definitely a twin “bond”, but they do lead their own lives.

Im a twin and I would say its a bond like no other. We were close growing up, argued a little in teen years and now nearly 30 we are so close. I know what she thinks vise versa. I think the key was not to dress us the same. My mom if she did put purple on me and pink on her. In secondary school we got put in different classes and I think it helped a lot. Not in primary though we just sat at different tables. But I love it. I would love to have twins because of it. (2 girls)

However my friend who is a boy girl twin describes same bond but isnt as close and they have drifted. She finds him annoying 😅

I know a set of identical adult twins who no longer communicate with each other. It was a slow drift apart, possibly due to their parents treating them as one unit, ie: ‘the twins’…… this and that. There were unfavourable comments made if one achieved more than the other.
I think they both just got fed up with it and went off to carve their own lives after their parents died.

I have twin nephews. Years ago I heard a programme about twins. The researcher had studied the twins movements in utero and followed them through to adulthood. She identified two types of twins - those who shared the womb well, seemed to cuddle each other or to move in synchronization and those who were all elbows and knees, pushing for space . . . She found those patterns continued as a baseline through their childhoods and adolescence!

My nephews were and are big sharers, always thinking about the other. As children, they would share a bed whenever allowed, climbing out of their own bed to find each other. They are not identical and have very different interests, but still turn to each other first and foremost.

I have a twin. We’re very close as adults but as children we were very much encouraged to have our own story and interests and friends.

We’re far from insular but closer than siblings.

As a teacher I recommend twins be split. They should be able to have something to call their own.

I'm very close with my non-identical twin. We share friends a lot (for example she's close to my university friends, we went to different universities and chose very different subjects), speak daily, worked together for a while etc, but were raised as distinct individuals.

On the other hand, my cousin's husband doesn't speak to his twin at all.

It can go either way imo.

i've got boy/girl twins in their twenties and both married to others now but are still close. I'd say they were closer than normal brother and sister.

I know two sets of adult twins, both boy/girl.
One set are very close, best friends, lived together after uni, she was his “best man” etc.
The other set barely speak - no argument or falling out, just two very different people with nothing in common and no real relationship.

My MIL and her twin sister still have a closeness in their late eighties that is amazing in some ways but can also border on toxic.
They were brought up in an era when it was thought cute to dress them identically until they left school. They were always referred to as “The Twins” as if they were two halves of a whole rather than individuals in their own right.
There is something a little passive aggressive about their relationship that I think stems from being constantly measured against each other.
I wonder do boy/ girl or boy/boy twins endure
such scrutiny?
I think parents are more sensitive now to a child’s need to have their own identity.

Are we talking identical twins? I know 2 sets - 1 set has no friends apart from each other and seem to be almost recluses, the other set definitely have their own identities (different hobbies, some joint friends and some not) but are also incredibly close.

i have known both sets of twins since they were small children. The set where each twin has their own identity was not brought up as a unit, they were brought up to be 2 separate people just like any other siblings, whereas the other set of twins had to always wear the same clothes and they were only allowed to go to an after school club if tbey both went because the parents thought it too inconvenient to do 2 school pickups.

My (identical) twins are still close - they’re in their thirties. They went to different unis and are now both teachers, but in different schools. I think they di have a very close bond, but I wouldn’t call them insular.