AIBU to wonder how twins’ closeness changes in adult life?

My mum had twin cousins. They had a canny ability to turn up at the same places unplanned.
I have twin friends who have a equally canny ability to turn up at things in the same outfits. Inc one night they'd discussed clothes, arranged to wear different then both changed mind thinking it would be fine based on the phone call.

One of my kids had twin nursery teachers, took me ages before I twigged they're was two of them, as they both looked at me with a pen stuck in their hair exactly the same way.
Apparently some of the kids were better at telling them apart than some of the staff.

I know one set of adult identical twins. Very different personalities, live halfway across the world from each other. I’ve known them since after they got married so not sure how the dynamic was before. I know they studied in different countries for university. Each of them is focused on their own nuclear family and although they wish they do more things together, they prioritize their children and wives.

Two of my BIL are fraternal twins, they’re in their 30s. They’re close, but not especially so, having very different jobs and living 70 miles apart.

I have identical twin daughters, 31 years old.
They fight like cat and dog, but always make up quickly, their bond is unbreakable.

I always treated them as two separate girls growing up, dressed them differently, different classes at school, different friends and hobbies. They are different from each other, but uniquely linked. They can read each other’s minds. It’s weird, fascinating and beautiful all at the same time.

I'm no contact with my twin, she was a truly evil child for the entirety of my younger years, she resented the fact I existed and did everything possible to make my life hell. I stopped attending family events and dreaded every Christmas when I would have to be in the same house as her as an adult. I finally cut her off and have had 10 years of peace with no contact or communications. She's blocked on everything and I've told family that I don't want to know about her. Please treat yours like separate people and parent them so they know that bullying and cruelty is not acceptable just because you're twins.

I have boy/girl twins.

they were in the same class at secondary and the teacher did not realise they were twins - they don’t look alike at all.

they are not close as adults. One twin has an autoimmune disease plus autism and adhd and the other is neurotypical.

Ex dh and his twin haven't spoken for 20 years

My sisters are twins. They are very different, apart from physically, from each other, and aren’t close at all. They haven’t been since their teens, and are now in their mid-60s, so I do t suppose that will change.

My SILs are identical twins, now in their 60s. My dh has always felt a bit excluded from their relationship. As a child SILs shared a room, he had to sleep lonely on his own (of course his parents also shared a room, so he felt like the odd one out with no-one to share with). The twins had shared friends, shared secrets, went to Brownies and Guides together, giggled together. He went to Scouts but had no one who was interested in his woodcraft badge.

As older adults, everyone is cordial, get on OK, but I also know that sometimes I am the butt of 'the girls' private jokes and humour (the nutty SILwho goes to yoga...)

Both SILs were single into their 40's. I imagine if either of them had met a partner earlier, or if they'd had children, the dynamic might have been different. But despite having husbands/partners now, the twin bond is the primary bond in their lives. Their wills leave their money to each other, not to their husband/partner.

Why would they need to do the same hobbies? Your twins are individual people in their own right. They shouldn't be made to do everything together and if one wants to do one hobbies and the other doesn't then let them.

You wouldn't be having this same thoughts if they were a year apart.

Maybe because I was the opposite sex but actually it should just be the same, my parents were very clear we were to be in different classes at school and to be treated as individuals. It's the best thing they did and I'm so glad we were never forced to do everything together because we were twins.

I have a twin, we aren't close and are very different people. Growing up, I was much closer to my other sibling.

It's like every other sibling relationship, some are close and some aren't. Maybe because I am a twin and don't know any different, but I don't get the mad fascination people have us as if we are somehow one mass collective unit and it certainly grinds my gears the assumptions made we must have all have some special bond. Of course some do but so do other siblings of different ages.

It's literally just two individual siblings born on the same day. Or that's how I've always felt about it.

My identical twins are 7 and are close.
A relative doesn’t get on with her identical twins and they rarely speak.

My Uncles are twins in their 80s. They still look exactly the same!
Sometimes one of them gets a funny sense and will call the other one and he’ll say something (bad) has happened - earlier things like car prangs, pet deaths and that sort of thing but later on health things like cancer diagnosis, they have a spider sense for each other somehow.
They don’t share hobbies or have similar careers but seem very close, mainly without talking much!

My girls are in their mid twenties now. They are very close, but they have their own personalities, friends and hobbies.

They shared a flat when at uni, but actually went to different unis in the same city.

My two were brought up as siblings who happened to be the same age. They were never expected to be inseparable or stick together constantly. They have healthy boundaries with each other and I always insisted they have their own birthday presents, Christmas presents and the likes.

We have another set of twins in the wider family who were very much brought up as “the twins”. They weren’t allowed to go anywhere without the other and it meant it was impossible for them to have strong friendships other than with people that wanted to be friends with them both. The quieter of the two has started to branch out more recently and it is not going down well with her sister, or their parents (their parents found it odd that I “allowed” DD1, who is in her mid twenties, to move out of their shared flat to give an idea of the parents). I do not think it’s going to end well at all.

You will meet lots of people who are half of a set of twins when your babies are born in my experience. They love to come over and tell you so! I did used to ask are you close with your twin? And found half were still close and half said they didn't speak any more!

My twins are now 16 (girl/boy) they were very close as young children, then not close through most of school and are now close friends again. I hope it will stay that way into adulthood.

My non identical twin girls are becoming closer now they're through uni, during secondary school they didn't get on at all! However, as non identical they are effectively sisters so this seems reasonable.

I know identical twins in their 80s and they have lived together their whole lives - neither ever married. I don't think it's a healthy relationship though; one is very domineering and makes all of the decisions for her sister, including where they live and stopping her from ever learning to drive. It's 100% a control thing.

They had a very sad, difficult childhood to be fair, and it's as though their relationship never evolved beyond those years.

Congratulations, it’s an amazing journey! I have id twin girls who are now 23. They are very, very close but have their own identities, interests and friends- though do often share friends. One went to University the other end of the country and one did a degree apprenticeship at home.

They are great cheerleaders for each other, have similar interests so it wasn’t possible to send them to different out of school clubs because if one wanted to go so did the other but we never made them do the same thing. I’d suggest be guided by them, encourage different interests if that’s what they want but don’t stop them if they do want to do the same things. Mine were in the same class at primary (one form entry) but different classes at secondary- though they ended up in many of the same classes when they were in sets.

My twin is one of my favourite people! We're in our late twenties. Very different as people and pursued different careers and lives, but close despite it all.

That said nobody can wind me up as much as she does sometimes (and no doubt she'd say the same about me)!

This is like me and my twin sister.
For the love of God don’t refer to your children as “the twins”. It’s quite de-humanising - non twins probably won’t truly get that.

We only found out one of our uni friends was an identical twin at graduation!
He was very fed up of not being seen as an individual through his entire childhood....I don't believe they are NC as adults or anything, but definitely very keen to forge their own paths.

I am an identical twin and my sister is my best friend. We didn't get on when we were younger and had separate friend and were quite competitive and I hated sharing a birthday. However, we have been very close since teens. We live about half an hour away, have our own careers, kids, husbands so only see each other one a week or so but talk all the time and our kids are super close to their cousins 💞.

I’m a 43 year old twin and my twin sister is my best friend. My twin has twin girls (17) and they are also very close

My friend's identical twin brothers were very close at school. They were brought up individually though - their mum encouraged everyone to call them James and Adam rather than "the twins" - I've known them all my life and I've never heard my friend refer to them as anything other than Jim and Ads.

They fell out about 15 years ago when one sought out their abusive heavy drinking dad, who'd been thrown out when they were kids, and the other thought that getting back in touch with him was unforgivable. Really sad but the other kids (big family) have taken the side of the twin who didn't get in touch - they have no desire to have their dad back in their lives.

My twins are mid 20s now and very close despite living about 150 miles apart ... they have some form of contact most days, whether its text, whatsapp, FT.

They had their usual bickers growing up and also had separate friends, as well as joint friends as they were in different classes.

Congratulations OP it's a brilliant, exhausting journey, lots of fun. Please don't read that thread about twins that's going on at the moment ... it's crackers 😁