Ditzy women

But aren't men the same when they only watch football and don't know anything about anything else?

I do think some women are ditsy and make a virtue of it. Even my incredibly capable mother acted ditsy for a while (not menopause related).

But it's true to say that men weaponise incompetence (though I also think they just aren't as fussy about tidy houses and making sure the kids wear matching socks and some women should just chill a bit).

Some of us have ADHD Susan

I hate this narrative- it drives me mad...

There’s nothing wrong with the behaviour being described anyway.

When you go somewhere new, you queue up to visit trendy places, don’t you? You engage with mainstream culture, places of interest etc. The behaviour you describe is no different.

If someone is in your way at the supermarket just say: excuse me. They’ll move.

If someone is shit at work, you ultimately need to let their management handle it. And their manager might not have the same opinion as you on whether your colleague has performance issues.

Any woman who says “Eee, what am I like?” does my head in. And I have met a few of them. It’s often said in front of men with a girly flirty look after describing something they think is cute. Like having the tumble drier catch fire in one instance “because I didn’t know I had to clean the filter (because I’m a girly girl who doesn’t know about these things and needs looking after by a big strong man)”. Said with a coquettish giggle. Have some self respect woman!! Grim.
Anyone who dithers unnecessarily. My FIL was a specialist ditherer about everything. This is a minor example…….
“Biscuit or cake?”
“Oh, either.”
”I’m serving both, so whatever you prefer”
“Oh I don’t mind.”
At this point I persist until a decision is forced.
Aaaarrrggghhhh!

Was it you tailgating me in a 20mph zone earlier this afternoon? If so, the hand gestures did nothing to help your cause. 😂

But mainly men. They I have noticed in recent weeks tend to just wander across bike paths even though it's clearly a bike path, not taking a blind bit of notice

Jeeeeez. This is the thing you chose to type a post on Mumsnet about? Let people be ditzy. There are so many worse things to be. Bloody hell.

I’ve been called ditzy or variants of a lot, I’ve had people call me a thick bitch for taking too long for their personal liking in a supermarket, I stumble and trip, I drop things and believe me, I wish I wasn’t like this, it’s caused me to have severe anxiety around being in public, especially when someone may want to be in the space I’m in.

I try my best, I really really do but I have multiple conditions working against me, I have dyspraxia, I have dyslexia, I have dyscalculia, I have rheumatoid arthritis, I have a severe lung disease, I have severe anaemia. Strangers don’t know this about me when they see me taking longer than they personally do. They just see “ditzy” or “thick” and some people think it’s ok to nudge me with their trolley or put their hands on me to tell me ten seconds is long enough to reach what I need, or call me names. I’ve also had the shitty “how do you get dressed before leaving the house” and it’s not the gotcha they think it is either, the answer is, I struggle with that too. Then there’s people who know me well who think I’m putting on an act because “you seem smart”.

I try not to give in to anxiety and just stay home all the time, it’s not easy though when you know you’re annoying people behind you when you’re not fast enough for them.

You might find me a bit ‘ditzy.’ But I wasn’t always this way.

I’ve found that chronic pain and the side effects of the medication I take for it have affected me cognitively. So I can’t help being a bit scatty or slower than you’d like. I’m not going to apologise for it.

The last two books I read had a ditzy "hot mess" as lead character, I did not find either at all likeable or endearing but wonder if this is a thing that we are supposed to identify with, they were both supposedly in their late 20s/early 30s I think.(Vivian Dies Again and All the Other Mothers Hate Me)

Let me guess...those men who are inept at everything except what is important to them are just 'men being men' in your view? Men do exactly this but because they are men unreformed sexists ignore it or call it something different.

Men can be just as bad! It might be true that in the past women felt they had to appear ditzy (like the supersmart ditzy blonde in Superman 3) but in my lifetime, I've not really seen any more dizzy behaviour from women than from men.

I can be absolutely amazing at parking, and I've been utterly shocking. The latter is usually because I've barely slept due to child waking up and then said child is screaming at me whilst I'm trying to park and all I can think about is how everyone thinks women are shit at parking and how shit I'm being at parking then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Since having kids, women doing things shittily (especially parking) makes me think how much they actually have on their plate.

Are you one of those who has more male friends because “women are catty and dramatic”?

Let me guess, this tends to be women who are younger and probably more attractive than you? It’s such an odd thing to be pressed by.

Let's just think about why the women you are so scathing about are being as you say ditsy or indecisive?

I am a highly competent woman with a demanding full time job and two teenagers. I have a dh who works hard and chips in but his job is even more demanding and ridiculous. When I've done all the meal planning for every week for most weeks for the last 16 years and when I've finished work after a long day and realised I forgot to buy dinner and am shattered as well I may at the supermarket on the way home and as well as being physically exhausted it's also the mendta load. So chosing a parking space or deciding what to buy feels overwhelming and I just stop processing and start dithering.

When I was pregnant the hormones made me so tired I could sleep standing up, after giving birth I could've cried because the shop didn't have an ingredient I needed or I couldn't find it.

Sometimes in the past I was so sleep deprived by my small children that I just cannot think quick enough. When I have my period I literally become extra clumsy and find my depth perception altered and I need to be way more cautious driving.

Other times I am ditsy because I'm simultaneously trying to remember what clubs the kids have that week, whether we need washing powder and whether my elderly relative is ok and how I feel guilty they are alone and when can I fit in going to visit them.

Basically women are hijacked by hormones continue to carry the mental load for everything. Men who do all the mental load are rare in my experience and even if they do, their hormones remain even and no one really gives a shit what they look like and their fashions rarely change, they don't need make up, tights, nail polish etc so again reduced mental load for them. Also, people respect them more and don't take the piss by not giving way or stealing their parking spaces or generally referring to them as hysterical or ditsy or other negative language reserved especially for women so they get less stressed.

Personally, I find arrogant, know-it-all men the worst. They usually have overinflated egos and very low IQs.

@Wellwhatnowbellaboo
You are not alone in finding certain behaviours irritating, but why do you think it reflects badly on you?
Presumably you don’t hold highly the opinion of this type of person or someone who admires this type of person.

Because it is sexist.

I know plenty of vacuous men, who only talk about trainers and their new Xbox and football on TV and have no clue what's going on in the world. They buy products because some footballer has advertised it, they will queue at a random place because it's trending and not even know why. They are just consumers and never question themselves. They also don't give a shit about the environment and buy tat. I find them embarrassing to be around and they give women a really bad reputation.

People of both sexes, with exactly the same behaviour, and you're singling out one sex as worse for some reason.

Why?

@Wellwhatnowbellaboo
You are being unreasonable because it seems that what is bothering you the most is that fact that their “irritating behaviour” could be a reflection of you, as a women. You don’t want them to “let the side down”. You don’t get to choose how other people are and what they are comfortable doing.

That’s not how things work. Some women have these characteristics as do some men.