Ditzy women

I posted earlier about my own struggles and want to say thank you for taking this on board.

You sound a little like my dh used to be and I know this is a big cliche but I’m genuinely trying to be kind, are you ok? Like actually are you ok? You’re human and have a lot on your plate and it sounds like you’re a bit like my dh used to be when I first became ill and our child also has SEN, you sound stressed and almost at breaking point and with so much in your plate, you’re probably spending a lot of head space worrying about people you love and keeping yourself together and I know y gays very to do. I don’t think you’re the high powered hot shot, this post makes me think you’re mum a parent at breaking point and that stress is coming out like it used to with dh. My dh has always been a “I need to get this down asap or I can’t relax” and instead of looking at ways to manage his stress, he’d blame everyone else that mildly inconvenienced him for being stupid. Lots of people in his family are like this and I think his childhood plays a big part.

My husband used to get really short when folk would drop things or bump into things or walk too slow and part of it for him was the constant low level underlying stress and worry and wanting to get all the things done for everyone. But it presented as anger and almost like he felt because he was stressed and rushing, anyone not like him is just useless and for a long time, seeing him be like that about people made me anxious about my own declining health and “slowing him down” He and his family always say they can tell genuine people “like you” from the ditzy and I think, it’s easier to lie to themselves and pretend it’s everyone else that’s the useless idiot because the alternative is that they’ll have to reflect and realise they’re the type of person they call ignorant bullies when they treat the SEN and disabled family members the same way.

My husband has really done a lot of work on himself when. Dh is now able to catch himself in the moment and instead of stressing and rushing, and blaming other people, he worked to change because he never wants to be reason anyone with the same struggles as our child and myself, goes home in tears and feeling shit about themselves because they need longer to do certain basic tasks.

Life is busy! Isn't everyone a "busy mum" these days?

Life is too short to spend in queues behind people who are taking 10 times as long as they should. Especially when they do it deliberately. I don't think most people do but some definitely do - they are either attention seeking or ditsy or both.

Why not get your supermarket shop delivered for example. Cut out stuff that stresses you.

So it is...I spelt it wrong too. 🤣 oh well, another thing to add to my dopey brain.

You would hate me then. I dont actively try to be ditzy, but fibromyalgia gives me terrible brain fog that pisses me off and now peri added into the mix I dont know if im coming or going. Actually fucking hate it.

Must be great to be perfectly normal. That would be one of my 3 wishes if I ever got them. 🥺

I believe it’s “ditsy”.

Wow, I suppose “ ditzy” men don’t exist then?? Many “ditzy” women are usually working at 10000mph most days. Maybe consider that, before you get “ frustrated” ?

I have my children with me most of the time and it's made me much more tolerant and patient of others because I spend a lot of time explaining to them why it's important to take other people's limitations and situations into account.

Kids are naturally impatient and curious about what is going on around them, so I explain that we don't know if someone is trying to park with a sore neck and that's why they're a bit slow, they might be trying to manage a mental shopping list and remember who asked for what while they're standing in front of a shelf, they could be having an 'inane' conversation with an elderly relative while they shop because it's the easiest time to multi-task etc.

We sometimes make a game of why someone might be driving slowly: wedding cake on the back seat, fish tank in the boot, driving someone with a broken leg to hospital etc.

It is a good reminder to be tolerant and a much more fun way to spend a car journey than seething.

Life is generally a lot nicer if you assume that people you don't know are generally doing their best and are facing their own difficulties. If you choose to believe that they are doing things deliberately to be difficult, you're only really annoying yourself.

That also sounds like there is a lot going on for you OP and it is overwhelming at times. I too hope you are ok and you have people around to support you. Do take care of yourself and hopefully find some time to drop the busy schedule and relax.

Why are you always in such a rush op?

We have a ‘friend’ (she’s the wife of my husbands friend) who prides herself on being a ditsy woman. She says things like ‘girl maths’ and ‘pink jobs’. She gets lost regularly, locks herself out, went away and left her passport in the kitchen - this sort of thing. She posts it all on FB and I think she’s delighted with her ineptitude.

She admits with glee that she’s ‘thick’ and ‘hopeless’. I think she sees herself just as an accessory to her husband. She cries if anyone looks at her sideways. She cries with laughter at pretty much anything. She wears things like Mary Janes and Saltwater sandals, plus lots of brightly coloured clothes and jewellery.

I’ve never met anyone else like her in my life.

What?

Jennifer Lawrence seems to fit this trope. She also seems genuine and a nice person.

Thanks also to you OP for taking some comments onboard, and for acknowledging that we don’t always know why someone else is acting the way they are. I hope this has helped you see things from another perspective and will help you in situations where you get annoyed with

I grew up in a house where “bad” things happened and no-one stopped them. I was scared, small and alone, I had no-one to reassure me & tell me I would be OK. I had times of complete despair, and so I had suicidal thoughts from quite an early age.

Something will trigger me, it could be a work situation where I feel very undermined, or outside work with dominant people where I feel pushed around in some way and then I am instantly back in my childhood room again with the catastrophic and dispairing feelings again - and I become physically incompetent (I can’t drive, I drop & break things, I forget things etc) as well as unable to have rational thoughts. So I wouldn’t wish panic attacks on anyone. Usually in this situation I pretend I am just incompetent or I try to get away & hide because I don’t want to tell people what is really going on. Only a few people in my life know.

Thanks for asking, I am better now at managing my reactions, its not perfect but its better.

I think I was thought of as ditzy when I was younger and other people would get very impatient with me for not being “on top of things”. I was being ditzy because I was struggling with panic attacks where I became incapable of making decisions. It is a really strong physical reaction that I have no control over. I didn’t tell anyone so people just thought I was incompetent and then I would agree with them to hide my anxiety. I don’t think you can understand how bad panic attacks can be unless you have experienced one. I wish I didn’t have them and could not be ditzy. Now I am older I am much better at recognising situations that cause me anxiety & self-soothing when I still have the panic attacks. I had one yesterday though while out, I got too hot, it was too busy & noisy - some people were probably like you & thought I was incompetent.

Think you are missing some sympathy OP, not everyone in life finds being on top of things easy.

I often struggle with dressing myself and leaving the house. I wish I was someone who found life easier.
I'm also successful in many areas of my life.
Do you truly not understand why people may struggle with basic life things or are you just crapping on people who find things tough?

Ditzy woman here and I'm so glad I'm pissing you and other people off every day of my life. If we were all the same life would be boring.

Like other ND posters upthread, I have also developed social anxiety due to neurotypical judgement and intolerance in situations like the OP describes. I'm not making any claims about my intelligence but it's hard to tell in such a brief encounter whether someone is ND or just 'ditzy', and I'd say there is an overlap between low IQ and ND. I hope the increased awareness of ND means that more people consider this rather than assuming that the other person can help it.

I'd bet any money she's autistic. People who are ND often need more time to process, especially in unexpected or social situations, probably referred to as ditzy, dithering etc.

OP I think you be a lot nicer and a lot happier if you weren't constantly rushing around. You sound like someone who thinks their time is more valuable than anyone else's because you are an important corporate person. I wouldn't be surprised if you were very entitled and frequently looked down on other people. Well I guess you're already looking down on so called 'ditzy' people.

Ms Perfect needs to give a full explanation of why she's so amazingly better than everyone else.

@igelkott2026 I 100% agree with you. If this thread was about ditzy men or incompetent men i'd be making the same point. But this thead is specifically about women. Can't a thread be about something without comparing it to another?