To need immediate help.

RobinEllacotStrike · 2026-04-08T13:37:39+00:00

I’m at the bank with my elderly neighbour. bank says she’s been declared mentally unfit and won’t let her get money out. she wants £140 FFS. this feels inhumane. Also her family know me & knows she comes to me. So why didn’t they tell me?

Heronwatcher · 09/04/2026 11:37

Speak to the family.

I had an elderly relative like this with dementia who was eventually deemed to have lost capacity.

For months beforehand she was making an absolute nuisance of herself (unwittingly of course) with neighbours, passers by, the bank, the post office etc. Telling them that her relatives were starving her, stealing from her, that she had no food, couldn’t turn the heating on etc. All nonsense.
We went with her each week to withdraw cash, took her food etc but she forgot and would try to persuade others to take her too. When she was admitted to hospital she had over £2k in her handbag!

If you are genuinely worried speak to adult social care in your area but chances are there’s a lot more to it if the bank have been informed. She’s probably been losing money or giving it away radomly or accusing people of stealing so this is a way to regularise it.

Do keep taking her for a coffee though and looking out for her- my relatives’ neighbours were wonderful despite how awful she was at the end and I will forever be grateful to them.

Redaska · 09/04/2026 11:31

I agree with @LIZS
She may have access to limited money, you said the bank did allow her to withdraw her usual amount.

When my mother had dementia and was at home with daily carers I was managing her money with LPA but she needed access to some cash. I had an agreement with the bank she would withdraw a set amount each week for shopping. Without a set limit she would go into the bank too frequently for money because she had forgotten she had already withdrawn some. Then put it somewhere safe, forget where it was, whole cycle starts again.

Flymehomejeff · 09/04/2026 11:29

I would suggest you contact the family and see what they say. Might be worth speaking to social services afterwards and see what they say.

LIZS · 09/04/2026 11:26

Who took away her card, the family or the bank? If she has dementia it is possible she is not deemed well enough to manage her money but she should have some access to her funds. Is it possible when she did, that money went missing or was unaccounted for, which raised concerns about her vulnerability especially with carers visiting so they want to restrict what is available in the house.

Gillthepill · 09/04/2026 11:07

Just co tact them and say she is upset she doesn’t have access to her own finances any longer and has been asking you for help. Put the ball in their court.

Parsleyforme · 09/04/2026 11:02

How have the bank deemed her mentally unfit if she can’t speak English?

Isittimeformynapyet · 09/04/2026 10:49

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2026 10:44

The family & I are in contact & they have relied on my helping out a lot over the years.

bizarre they didn’t tell me. Bizarre they think she doest need any money. She’s never been frivolous at all.

she doesn’t like them much.

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Thanks for clarifying.

Original poster

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2026 10:44

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/04/2026 16:45

Clearly the family do not want you to know

Well that's not clear at all. The family may not have factored in OP's involvement in the slightest.

There's not enough information here for us to be clear about anything.

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The family & I are in contact & they have relied on my helping out a lot over the years.

bizarre they didn’t tell me. Bizarre they think she doest need any money. She’s never been frivolous at all.

she doesn’t like them much.

OP posts:

Original poster

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2026 10:39

Sorry @Womblingmerrily
family is her dead husband’s family.
she never had kids & all her family live in her home country.

she would love to visit her siblings in Europe (& could afford to do so) but no one will take her.

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Original poster

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2026 10:35

Womblingmerrily · 09/04/2026 10:25

@RobinEllacotStrike

Who is the 'they' who controls her money? Is it family?

I think you may need to step back from this relationship. It sounds like you have been a good neighbour to her, but there are now things happening 'behind the scenes' that are going to continue to cause issues.

It's quite possible that her family are happy for you to provide her with companionship but actually view you suspiciously in some ways and so want to limit your contact with her - this does happen.

Make sure you don't lend her money or buy things for her as it would be difficult to get paid back.

I did help her out a lot when her DH died but I’ve had to step back.

I don’t have any financial involvement with her other than taking her to a cafe occasionally. I used to take her to the supermarket but she had carers now.

I didn’t know they had taken her card. She is furious and has always thought her DH’s kids were taking money. I don’t know.

I was genuinely shocked yesterday that she could be kept without any access to her money. I understand safeguarding very well. She is is a very difficult position. I don’t think there is POA in place but possibly. If so someone should still make sure she has access to some money.

apart from going out for cake or visit her husbands grave with me, she only goes out to walk to shops and buy chocolate. She’s nearly 90. She should be able to do this.

OP posts:

Shallotsaresmallonions · 09/04/2026 10:27

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2026 10:24

Her “family” are very arms length, in-laws, not very interested & hours away.

yes I’ve been helping my widowed neighbour, who doesn’t speak English & who basically has no family support of her own, helping her out for years so one day I can get my hands on £140.

I guess half the people on this thread would just tell her to fuck off if she knocked on your door asking for help.

I wouldn't tell her to fuck off, but I would expect the bank to be very wary of me taking her to get a pretty large amount of cash out.

If she's been declared unfit, then it's to protect her from scams/exploitation.

Womblingmerrily · 09/04/2026 10:25

@RobinEllacotStrike

Who is the 'they' who controls her money? Is it family?

I think you may need to step back from this relationship. It sounds like you have been a good neighbour to her, but there are now things happening 'behind the scenes' that are going to continue to cause issues.

It's quite possible that her family are happy for you to provide her with companionship but actually view you suspiciously in some ways and so want to limit your contact with her - this does happen.

Make sure you don't lend her money or buy things for her as it would be difficult to get paid back.

Original poster

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2026 10:24

Her “family” are very arms length, in-laws, not very interested & hours away.

yes I’ve been helping my widowed neighbour, who doesn’t speak English & who basically has no family support of her own, helping her out for years so one day I can get my hands on £140.

I guess half the people on this thread would just tell her to fuck off if she knocked on your door asking for help.

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Original poster

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2026 10:18

FoxLoxInSox · 08/04/2026 19:59

Assistance to work out how to inappropriately “assist” an elderly, confused non-family member to “acquire” them £140 for dubious reasons unknown.

Dealers don’t have time to burn. 🤨

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Oh please. Get a life.

OP posts:

Original poster

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2026 10:18

Sorry everyone it all went a bit busy.

I do not think she is mentally unfit but perhaps she is. She lives alone with support from carers.

she is vulnerable as she is elderly but she is also very fit & physically well. Mentally she has some dementia but still she is mostly sharp & switched on. Her current account is growing as she spends very little.

as for those asking why she needs £140? Seriously? They have taken her card away and then saying she can’t have a bit of cash? She likes to walk to local shops. & buy herself bits. Occasionally her careers take her to supermarket. Why on earth shouldn’t she have a few quid to spend?

the bank know her. I’ve been in with her a few times. I’m probably the closest person to her & she always brings me her post etc. comes to us at Christmas etc.

I was shocked that they were saying they couldn’t give her any of her own money. Eventually they let her withdraw some cash - it’s the same amount she withdraws every month.

then I took her for coffee & cake & she had a wonderful time.

the main problem is we both speak different languages.

OP posts:

FoxLoxInSox · 08/04/2026 19:59

Shallotsaresmallonions · 08/04/2026 18:45

I'm confused as to what immediate help you're after?

Assistance to work out how to inappropriately “assist” an elderly, confused non-family member to “acquire” them £140 for dubious reasons unknown.

Dealers don’t have time to burn. 🤨

Shallotsaresmallonions · 08/04/2026 18:45

I'm confused as to what immediate help you're after?

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/04/2026 18:40

merryhouse · 08/04/2026 18:39

and it says exactly that: "GP".

Happy now?

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Much better. Thank you.

merryhouse · 08/04/2026 18:39

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/04/2026 17:18

What, exactly your mum's GP?

Or could you lose the "GP" at the end of your post?

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and it says exactly that: "GP".

Happy now?

FoxLoxInSox · 08/04/2026 18:07

Why are you with your elderly neighbour, who is lacking mental capacity, trying to facilitate her withdrawing £140 cash over the counter, when you have no power of attorney or any other stake in her affairs?

She has family.

So are you just randomly accompanying said elderly mentally vulnerable neighbour to the bank as a kind of “social activity”? Do you not have any friends to hang out with? I cannot think of a single legit reason you’d be doing this.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/04/2026 18:02

Batties · 08/04/2026 15:48

I’m uncomfortable about this too. Especially as OP has another thread a while back when she was trying to find her neighbours financial details, including searching for bank statements etc. in her neighbours house.

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Oh dear ...

Onmytod24 · 08/04/2026 17:54

To make it clearer for you the government website says the GP is the person who can ascertain whether someone has capacity to make such decisions. In my case, it was my mother‘s GP, but obviously in someone else’s case it would be their own GP.

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/04/2026 17:18

Onmytod24 · 08/04/2026 17:06

Well, the GP determined my mum‘s capacity. And I just went on the government‘s website and it says exactly that GP.

Edited

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What, exactly your mum's GP?

Or could you lose the "GP" at the end of your post?

Onmytod24 · 08/04/2026 17:06

roundaboutthehillsareshining · 08/04/2026 16:35

There's no way you can determine that from the information given. And this isn't an assessment that would normally be made by her GP, the assessment of capacity is undertaken by a social care or psychiatric professional.

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Well, the GP determined my mum‘s capacity. And I just went on the government‘s website and it says exactly that GP.

QPZM · 08/04/2026 16:51

It's always weird when someone posts asking for 'immediate help' but doesn't return to the thread.