AIBU to worry my only child will feel lonely growing up?

I was always worried about that so I decided to have 3 kids. However, if you decide to have another kid now, it will be more for you rather than your DS. 8 years apart is a lot. I have a sister 7 years older and we only got closer when I got to uni as we were always on very different parts of life. So if I were you, I would think more of do I want another child? Cause the new baby will never be his playmate.

This is me. I am this. It’s just me and my husband and my kids now. That’s it. Sighs

I’ve never really understood the idea that siblings automatically mean non-loneliness in life. I have two older brothers. I have nothing in common with either of them beyond having the same parents. We don’t keep in touch and only see each other if my parents organise it (usually around a holiday). I have many friends with similar stories. I wouldn’t even say I enjoyed their company growing up. You’d think two older sons would be close too, but nope my brothers aren’t and they even live near each other.

I am a mum of one, people always used to say she will be lonely etc, i worked full time too as my wage was needed, i always prioritised her from the minute home to bedtime, quality time. I spent more quality time with her than a lot of my friend and there children who had more than one, she’s 28 now, settled wifh her partner and pregnant with her first,we’ve had conversations over the last few years as to whether she was ever lonely due to being an only one, absolutely not was her answer as we had quality time, always organised play dates, sleepovers and hobbies. Her partner was one of four, and he has said he might only want one (obvs things might change) as he loves how close we are as a family and hes never felt that. My worry was more of what when something happened to me and her dad, however, she has her own family and his larger family too for when we wont be here. Standard joke tho that she’s not good at sharing 🤣 not in a selfish way. Hope that helps.

I have a younger brother but I barely see him he’s got his own life! We send the odd text if it’s been a few months without seeing each other but that’s it! I only have one child and she’s almost 14 I’ve left it too long to have another I’m also 37 I couldn’t think of anything worse than starting all over again now but that’s just me.

Loads have just 1, some on purpose, some because that's what happens. Even if you tried doesn't mean you'd get another. So stop worrying and just try and enjoy your one and only.
My only child is very independent and good at talking to people, especially adults. They just have a different life experience that's all, not a worse one.

I also have an AuDHD child. She's now a teen. She does sometimes say she'd like a sibling but in my opinion, due to her needs and personality, I'd say 10% chance it would have been lovely and 90%, a disaster!

She has sibling-like relationships with a couple of neighbours but everyone returns to their own houses and I think it's the best of both worlds.

You do have to give holidays a bit more thought (as you do with kids who don't get on, wide age gaps, different sexes, interests, tolerances...)

The ship has sailed for you anyway. It'd be a minimum 8 year gap. A 10 year oldest not going to be playing with a 2 year old! At best you might get a bit of babysitting...

I'm an only child and never felt lonely as a kid because I had plenty of friends in the neighbourhood and through school/activities. However, it has been hard as an adult going through parental illness and death without any family support. A sibling doesn't guarantee that of course though anyway. The only advice I have for parents of only children is to try and foster relationships with extended family or family friends who can be a source of support for them when you're older or not around any more. My parents didn't really do this and I think that's what I've really lacked, not companionship from peers

My nephews were identical twins and one of them passed away in early childhood. I think you can have this vision of how things will map out in the future and it changes in an instant. I wouldn't overthink it.

One child is absolutely fine, lots of people only have one. Just make sure he has other people in his life too, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends etc … I grew up as an only child - I did have older siblings and extended family but due family dynamics and circumstances I didn’t get to know any of these until I was an adult. It’s very apparent in my adult life I didn’t build these relationships from a young age and it’s been really tough on my mental health.

I am an only child and at 47 I have made peace with it as I have a great husband and great kids! However growing up I felt “left out” everyone else had siblings. I had no one. At one point about 11 I became resentful my parents didn’t have another child. Now my mother is old and the care falls on me I dislike it. It’s SO overwhelming. I have no one to share the emotional and mental burden with. I have 3 of my own now and I love th so dearly. They are my friends. However I get jealous when I see my husband with his siblings. I feel he has people that have his back no matter what but I have no one except my kids!!!! I had alot of love as an only child. I was well taken care of but also over shielded and over protected. I wouldn’t choose being an only child ever again

Both my elderly parents are only children and they’ve been just fine. My daughter is an only and quite happy with that. She’s just a teen and has her own tribe. Her bestie is an only also.

Nothing wrong with you at all; you were very unwell and it’s sensible not to risk it again. Your DS won’t be lonely if he has friends and you facilitate him seeing friends. Arrange friends to play over school holidays and all will be well.

Ahh OP you've been through a lot and have made a great decision for yourself AND your son not to have any more. Society is always ramming it down our throats that it's the norm to have 2 but that's a poor reason to have another. Please don't feel guilty. Your son has a great life and will be OK.

My child was an only until age 13. My friends joke and say it’s like I’m raising 2 onlies because they don’t have that typical sibling relationship. They do very different activities and my eldest has more of a parent relationship with her sibling. Which is cute, but I felt bad about it.

However, when I was raising my first, I came to peace with her being an only. I saw that she had amazing friends and when she’s older she can have a strong friendship group that will act as siblings. As an adult I find that my friends are like chosen family.

It sounds like you worry a lot.

Maybe spend some time coming to peace with your decision. And if you ever become pregnant again, unplanned (as I did), the first pregnancy isn’t always the same. I had PND with my first and really enjoyed my second, although have had worrying times.

You obviously care about your son, but be glad that you can do everything for him now. And he gets the privilege of not having to share his parents.

I have one although that wasn’t my choice. In fact I was lucky to conceive her. She used to be desperate for a sibling and I used to cry over it. She’d still love one but she’s fine. She has friends and has things that she wouldn’t necessarily have if we had other kids like expensive school trips and things. Plus she is way more mature than her peers. I have a friend who is an only. She is happy with it and has a great relationship with her parents. Lots of people hate their siblings. I love my brother but he’s never been my best mate.

My two fight so much at times. Sibling relationships bring a huge amount of challenges along with any good. Do what is right for the family, not a decision made from guilt.

Sorry you had such a tough time post party. Its such a brutal phase. I really feel for you and hope youre able to heal from that time.

Its very difgicult. At 72 Im still wondering if one child would have been better. And seeing how some siblings are together I can understand parents stopping at 2! But you both have to want a second one, you need to be able to afford a second one. And tbh I think thats a huge gap in ahes that maybe cause problems

I’m an only child - for my generation it was unusual and I used to get a lot of unpleasant comments about it - but honestly I had a great childhood and loneliness wasn’t an issue.

My son (11) is also an only, it’s very different for his generation, lots more only kids about and also the trend for bigger sibling age gaps means a lot of his friends aren’t particularly close to their siblings.

Being loved, looked after and supported matter far more.

Very true. Plus Uni fees/costs if they want to go. We've paid accommodation fees for 4 years for our elsest who will graduate in July then her brother will start Sept maybe for 4 years aswell. So paying for Uni accommodation for 8 years in a row. I realise not every kid goes to Uni but they are very expensive when they hit 17 and they want driving lessons etc, borrow parents cars/get insured etc. (& yes mine both had p/t jobs/summer jobs from age 16 but it doesn't cover everything)

Agree with this. I have a large age gap with my sibling and found it more annoying than nice when they were born. Never speak to them and haven’t in years.

Exactly - and even for siblings who are close I think it can be an extremely trying time. My mum is very close to her sister but was really upset with the way some of the things were handled around my grandpa's death.

I feel for you, navigating POA/end of life care jointly with a sibling you are not on great terms with does indeed sound like a recipe for disaster and not an activity likely to bring you closer together.

It would be hard to shoulder the burden entirely alone as an only, but not necessarily harder than anyone else trying to get it done with difficult siblings.

I totally sympathise that elder care can be hard if you're on your own but some only child can have tunnel vision in thinking that a sibling will instantly make things better for them without fully understanding the complications it can bring.

My parents have set it up that me and my eldest sibling will have joint POA. We don't speak now and in fact I'd go as far to say I actively dislike them. I can't see any reason how we'll suddenly become best friends and these amazing pillars of support should it reach a point where my parents need us to take on the joint POA. I can see it being an absolute shit show and probably the final nail in the coffin for our already fractured relationship and something that's going to cause a huge amount of stress for me.

My only is nearly 14 and couldn’t care less about siblings. He likes his life, people when he wants them and peace when he doesn’t! My friend went on to have 2 more after her first, I assumed they would at least keep each other entertained (like me and my sister did) but turns out they don’t and she has to entertain them all separately, she’s totally exhausted with it. I think there’s so many different ways it can go, really the actual number of children is almost kind of irrelevant!

I'm one of three, and I have 2. My desire to have more than one child came from me actively enjoying motherhood and child rearing, and not at all to do with giving my children siblings.

As one of three, we all get on fine, but we are not particularly close. I speak to my friends more than my siblings. Growing up, we would hang out with each other on holiday, and family days out of course, but once were old enough to be doing our own thing we had our own friends and spent much more time with them. Maybe it's because of our age gaps, or the mix of boys and girls, but I wouldn't consider my siblings people I am terribly close to, they would not be my first port of call for a chat if I was feeling lonely. Probably not even top 10.

My parents are putting in place arrangements for power of attorney, executor of wills etc at the moment. They have asked me if I will hold the POA and be the executor. Not my siblings. I have said yes I will, and yes I will discuss/consult with them as decisions are made, but that if I am the named decision maker they will need to accept that sometimes I might make a decision that they don't agree with. We're not even there yet and I can see it being difficult to manage.

So basically have the number of children YOU want and you can handle, and not because of some idealistic view of a bunch of siblings who adore each other throughout their lives. They may, they may not, but what's important is the life you can give your child(ren) and if the best for you is an only, then that's the way to go.