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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parental estrangement. What do you secretly think?

257 replies

Orphlids · 08/04/2026 13:11

I’m interested in outsiders’ views on estrangements between parents and their adult children. If you’ve met, or were to meet someone, and then discovered they were estranged from both their adult children, what would your initial thoughts be, assuming you knew nothing more about how the estrangement came to happen?

UABU - you wouldn’t think negatively about the parent. You’d be prepared accept the adult children were perhaps unpleasant, or difficult people. You’d feel sorry for the parent.

UANBU - you’d suspect the parent’s poor behaviour was more likely to have caused the estrangements, and you might view that person with suspicion.

Which is closer to your view? I’d be interested in any thoughts, if you’d like to comment in further detail.

OP posts:
Blanketpolicy · 08/04/2026 13:21

I wouldn’t jump to an assumption of complete blame on either side with no knowledge as sometimes the reason is a straightforward single event, but they are more usually complex and based on years of experiences, action's and feelings.

PeonyPatch · 08/04/2026 13:20

Think it can be both ways tbh

Bunnybackinherwarren · 08/04/2026 13:19

I was already nc with my dps when I met dh. Within 2 years he was nc with his dps. His dm had cheated on his df and was expected to make effort with her bf (abroad via face time). Their fragmented relationship never improved. When we had a dc she dumped us. No logic in any of it.

supples · 08/04/2026 13:18

I ticked YANBU because I don’t think children who’ve been raised in a secure, supportive environment tend to cut off their parents. So I would definitely assume the person who had been cut off had some difficulties as a parent. But I wouldn’t ’view them with suspicion’. I’m not a perfect parent and I didn’t have a perfect one either. I know I’ve passed on some of my mums issues to my kids and just need to work as hard as I can to understand unhealthy dynamics and not having my kids impacted by my emotions. So I’d feel very sorry for that person but yes would assume that they struggled.

CinnamonBuns67 · 08/04/2026 13:17

If it was all or multiple/both I'd definitely think the parent was to blame, if it's just one of them I'm more likely to be open to considering the parents side but would still be interested to hear both sides.

Dermatologically · 08/04/2026 13:16

Neither is close to my view. I'm inherently nosy so I'd definitely be wondering what the deal is but estrangement can happen due to poor behaviour on either side or just complicated relationships with fault on both sides. I know enough to know that even if someone I meet appears to be a lovely person, that doesn't mean they are necessarily without fault in something like this.

I also make no assumptions about parents always being the ones at fault. If you know nothing about the estrangement then it's not your place to judge basically

LittlePetitePsychopath · 08/04/2026 13:15

I suspect your answer here will be generational.

I'd be more likely to suspect the parents were difficult, because my own children are under 5, and the only experience I have are nightmare-ish parents... I suspect people with adult children themselves would be more likely to blame the children. Basically; most people will blame whatever supports their own bias', because nobody wants to believe that they'll be estranged from their children.