Bit of a long one but I’d appreciate some outside perspective.
I’ve fallen out with a friend of 10+ years and I’m really struggling with it. We used to talk every day and see each other all the time, then out of nowhere she just stopped replying. No explanation, nothing.
I reached out a few times because I was worried and missed her. Eventually she came back saying she’d been going through stuff and didn’t want to explain, which I do understand to a point. But she also said I’d been a bad friend, pressuring her and basically making her feel worse.
That genuinely shocked me because that wasn’t my intention at all. I was trying to check in and keep the friendship going. I’ll admit I got upset and said something like she’d “dropped me like a sack of shit”, which probably didn’t help, but it came from hurt more than anything.
What I’m struggling with is that she completely shut me out for months, ignored messages (but opened them), didn’t even acknowledge my birthday, and now seems to think I’m the problem. I also feel like she’s put words in my mouth and accused me of things I didn’t actually say.
She hasn’t blocked me or fully cut me off, which makes it harder because I don’t know if she wants the friendship or not. It just feels like I’m being kept at arm’s length.
I don’t want to lose the friendship, but I also don’t think I’ve done anything that warrants being treated like this. At the same time, I don’t want to keep chasing someone who clearly isn’t meeting me halfway.
Would you leave it now and step back, or try again down the line? And has anyone dealt with this kind of “slow ghosting” from a long-term friend?
AIBU to feel like I’ve been treated unfairly here?