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Original poster

To not send my 6yo to her dads when she doesn't want to go

61 replies

Northernlights19 · 07/04/2026 23:50

Hi all,

My 6.5yo has expressed she doesn't like to go to her dad's. She sees his parents take his older child to school and back every day (they beep and wave at us) and said he just plays the PlayStation with her brother and she's bored. Lots of other things too.

She's cried saying she doesn't want to go and it's getting to the point I don't want to force her to go somewhere she isn't happy. No court order in place and I don't think he'd care enough to get one. Can anyone advise what they would do?

Also I don't know what to think about this but she's told me there are "willy lollies" at his house on the table he got from a sweet shop but didn't buy her sweets from there, just got those and they're on display apparently.

He only seems bothered to see her to look good in front of his work friends.

OP posts:
BridgetJonesV2 · 08/04/2026 13:52

Most men are Disney dads, there's not really much to judge him on there. He's still her Dad and she's far too young to make such a life impacting decision about seeing him or not. I would encourage it still, say it's OK that things are different at his. She'll take the lead from you on this.

SaigonSunsets · 08/04/2026 13:51

How often does she go?

Tryingtobenormal124 · 08/04/2026 13:46

Could you tell him why she doesnt want to go. Perhaps just going for a few hours or he takes her to the cinema or the park for a couple of hours. Might be better for both.

Ncforthis2267 · 08/04/2026 13:37

User8457363 · 08/04/2026 12:39

A 6 year-old should not know what willies are in joke form (ie the shape of it used in food, doodles, graffiti etc). They can obviously know about it anatomically but under normal circumstances, they do not make the connection between a penis and a willy shaped lolly.

There is definitely borderline CSA going on, even if it's "just" exposing a child to age-inappropriate imagery and concepts.

Reaching much! 🤦 FFS

So he's bought or been gifted some joke willies which he finds funny enough to keep on the side somewhere.

Teensy bit much to equate this to sexual abuse just because it's not your humour. Also grossly offensive to victims of actual CSA.

sausagedog2000 · 08/04/2026 13:03

I would still send her. Relationships with fathers are important and it doesn’t sound like there’s any abuse going on. If she told you every night that she didn’t want a shower would you just stop washing her?

User8457363 · 08/04/2026 12:39

A 6 year-old should not know what willies are in joke form (ie the shape of it used in food, doodles, graffiti etc). They can obviously know about it anatomically but under normal circumstances, they do not make the connection between a penis and a willy shaped lolly.

There is definitely borderline CSA going on, even if it's "just" exposing a child to age-inappropriate imagery and concepts.

Myfridgeiscool · 08/04/2026 12:37

I’d not force her to go. Remind her that she’s allowed to change her mind if she wants to.

ToadRage · 08/04/2026 12:34

Do you even need to ask? If she doesn't want to go and it doesn't make her happy then don't make her go. Is it not that simple?

Original poster
Northernlights19 · 08/04/2026 11:37

As a person he's very showy it's hard to describe. In front of his colleagues he plays a doting dad but behind closed doors he rarely asks about our daughter. And he's very helpful to strangers but wouldn't help me when we were together, even with a newborn. She used to cry as his Aftershave irritated her as a baby but he refused to stop wearing it and therefore never held her, he said she obviously just hated him. He doesn't give her her favourite meals because he doesn't like them, all food at his house is from the freezer or takeaway and she comes back hungry at times as she just doesn't like it. Give her something like an omelette, pasta, baked potato etc and she'll happily eat it but he won't.

The only reason he wanted to see her the other day was because it was his birthday so he wanted to take photos to upload to social media and tiktok to look good.

OP posts:
MyJustCat · 08/04/2026 00:23

My dad was physically abusive and awful and I still resent my mum for making me spend EOW with him because 'he's still your dad' estranged from both of them for years now.

TheTulipsAreOut · 08/04/2026 00:18

Hmm I don't know.

What's he really like as a person?

Relationships between young children & their non resident parent can take some fostering & it's only natural she finds it a bit difficult when the other children live with him & she doesn't.

Unless he's a bad person she should be encouraged to spend time with her Daddy. If you don't foster this & 'make' her go she may feel (when she gets older) that you stopped her seeing her Dad.

but if you honestly & truly think he wouldn't bother to get a court order then ...

splinters on my arse, sorry. You know him, we don't. But like it or not he's her Dad. Always will be.

'Willy' sweets, - so what? You don't know why they had them & it really doesn't matter.

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