To not send my 6yo to her dads when she doesn't want to go

I can completely understand why you feel like you do but I think at her age it's really important that you encourage a good relationship with her dad.

She is too young to make those kind of decisions and as parents we have to do what is best for them, even if they don't seem happy about it. For example, if she said she didn't want to go to school again you (presumably) wouldn't agree as you know it's the right thing to do.

In your opinion. Weirdly enough we're all entitled to our own opinion & im not the only one who has days most 6 year olds would find them funny.

i wouldn't buy them for a 6 year old, but I wouldn't be remotely bothered if they saw them.

No, it's an adult themed object. It shows a lack of awareness and raises questions about his judgment and priorities. Adults are expected to keep adult themed items or humour separate from children. This crosses the line. The dad sounds pretty useless.

This does seem like a very good option.

i feel torn between not wanting her to be unhappy & making her go, but her not seeing him at all which she may regret in years to come seems like too big a choice to make at 6 when she can't know the long term consequences.

but he definitely needs to be asked those questions!

They're just sweets. Maybe he thought his other kids would find them funny. Maybe he was given them.

theyre stupid sweets, it really isn't a big deal, most 6 year olds would find them funny not alarming.

this one didn't, which is fine, but it doesn't make him some weirdo.

Willy' sweets, - so what? You don't know why they had them & it really doesn't matter.

Of course it matters.

OP what sort of man was he? Why would he have these?

She doesn't sound controlling, she sounds like normal, caring lovely mother.

He doesn't give her her favourite meals because he doesn't like them, all food at his house is from the freezer or takeaway and she comes back hungry at times as she just doesn't like it. Give her something like an omelette, pasta, baked potato etc and she'll happily eat it but he won't.\

He however sounds like a selfish neglectful man child.

If Op's dd mentions those bizarre sweets at school, they may report this to social services, it's inappropriate and, at best, very ill judged.

A 6 year old is not mature enough to make this decision. In an ideal world you would hope her dad would foster her interests and enjoy activities with her but you don’t really know what goes on. Talk to her dad and explain how she feels.

You sound quite controlling. You don’t get to choose what your daughter does and eats while she is with her dad. You need to take a step back.

I'd have one last shot at it.

1. A conversation with his parents. 'Your granddaughter is now old enough to notice the difference between how you treat her brother and how you treat her. What do you feel about that?
2. A conversation with him. 'You say it would make you "look like a shit dad if people find out she doesn't want to stay over". Well she doesn't want to stay over, because you just sit there on the Playstation with her brother and she's bored, and you feed her meals that you like but she doesn't. What are you going to change so that your daughter wants to spend time with you?

If he looks like a shit dad to people, it's within his power to remedy that - he could stop actually being a shit dad.

She is too young to call the shots.

Tell her that if she is bored then she needs to ask daddy for something to do.

I'm pretty sure most 6 year olds think willies are hilarious ....

op - I don't think that 6 year olds should be calling the shots on whether or not they see their parents. They simply aren't mature enough to understand the ramifications of stopping contact.

I can't help but think that this is motivated by your dislike of your ex rather than for what's best for your daughter.

Edit: I agree with posters who have suggested modifying contact rather than stopping it completely. Bear in mind that you have no more right to dictate contact than him - tread carefully or you could end up being taken to court for 50/50. Some men will do this out of spite.

It’s a tricky one. My first instinct is to totally agree with you about forcing your child to go somewhere they don’t want to, including with NRP. And I do agree if it really is making her so upset. My own kids both stopped going to their dad’s over time because of his behaviour and his failure/refusal to change it or admit any fault.

If you can have a conversation with your ex it’s worth trying but if he won’t engage or make any effort I think it’s less damaging for her to choose to not to visit him than carry on as she is while he makes less and less effort or care about her and her feelings.

She sees his parents take his older child to school and back every day (they beep and wave at us)

So her grandparents?
Are they nice?
Do you have their details? Would she want a lift? Might be nice for her to go with her half sibling

With her dad I'd have a chat and give feedback to help him foster a relationship. Things like the food are crazy.
id give him the option of moving to days only or afternoons.

No, don’t force her to go. He’s teaching her that she doesn’t matter and isn’t important, and it will be terrible for her self esteem.

Let him take you to court if he wants to.

I would let him know the reason and offer him to have contact by taking her to places during weekend days (doesn’t have to be places that cost money). If he’s really interested in seeing her he’ll accept this, if not he won’t!

Can I ask OP, how do you react when she goes to see her dad? I'm not blaming you for this at all but do you tell her how much you will miss her etc?

I would try and talk to your DD a bit more and see if she can give more specific reason's about why she doesn't want to go to her dads. The fact he doesn't make her favourite meals for her or buy her sweets at a shop aren't reason enough to stop her seeing him. Tbh I'd say most single dads (assuming he is) would be making tea with freezer food in all honesty.

I think sometimes it's hard for parents too and dads and daughters it can be a struggle to find common ground at times so a good open chat with your DD first and try and get to the bottom of why and then try and chat with your ex and see if you can all agree on something your all happy with but I wouldn't be cutting off contact its so important she has a relationship with her daddy.

Sounds like my oldest daughters dad (she doesn't even call him dad she calls him by his name) he is more interested in his youngest son than her and she has grown up realising that, doesn't speak to her, doesn't invite her anywhere, he lives with his dad and she only goes because he invites her and her "dad" spends the whole time on the PlayStation with his youngest son and he ignores her for the duration of her visit she doesnt even think of him as her dad, she sees my husband as her dad and has done since she was very young

Unless you suspect there is some sort of abuse, I think it's important for a 6 year old to spend time with both parents.

Think about it from another perspective, if your DC told her dad she didn't want to come back to you after visiting him, would you be perfectly happy about that?

I'd let him take her to the park for the afternoon but nothing else. He's not actually caring for her, is he?

Maybe reduce the length of time, suggest he takes her out for an afternoon.
Or do you have a good enough relationship that he could come see her at yours - you could go to a different room? So she still feels safe and supported by her mum but still has a relationship with her Dad