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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a fourth child?

62 replies

Wherethewildoneswander · 07/04/2026 20:21

Children are 5, 3 and 1
They are great (obviously šŸ˜‚)

Iā€™m 37
DH is 39

I work part time (2.5 days)
He works full time
Gross household income 180-200k

Have a 7 seater car
4 bed house - scope to extend

Eldest at school - 2 days wraparound care
Youngest two at nursery 3 days

No massive family help in terms of regular childcare or babysitting
But grandmothers on both sides able to look after one child eg. if I have an appointment during school holidays

Weā€™ve always wanted 4
AIBU?

OP posts:
TheBlueKoala · 07/04/2026 20:39

Since you can provide for your children you can do whatever you like. People on MN usually complain about people in miserable circumstances (benefits, crowded appartments) having more children than they can handle. You are priviliged so go ahead and have a fourth.

Brewtiful · 07/04/2026 20:39

Wherethewildoneswander · 07/04/2026 20:28

I feel like having a fourth might be seen as mad, or at least a bit selfish?

MN usually seems the place for brutal honesty - so Iā€™m looking for the judgement that I might experience but am unlikely to have anyone say to my face, I suppose.

Realistically if everyone came on and told you it was a terrible idea, selfish and awful for the environment would it stop you wanting a 4th?

The only people who have opinions that matter are yours and your husband's. If you both want another then no one else's opinions should matter.

OneGreatUmberZebra · 07/04/2026 20:38

What you are REALLY trying to say isā€¦ you want a fourth, DH doesnā€™t, so you are trying to assemble your army here so you can and show him all the posts that are on your side and convince him how wrong he is for not wanting another crotch goblin.

If you were both in agreement with it, you would not feel the need to post here, simple.

Pinkflamingo10 · 07/04/2026 20:38

If you want to then go for it !!

wobblychristmastree · 07/04/2026 20:38

do It

thistimelastweek · 07/04/2026 20:37

I'm the youngest of four
I loved growing up as part of a busy house. Ups and downs and all that, but overall I loved it. But fair enough, I didn't know differently.
If it's right for you go for it.
Your children might thank you, they might not.
Life's a gamble.

AmusedMaker · 07/04/2026 20:36

In your position Iā€™d probably have had five! šŸ˜ƒ

Happytap · 07/04/2026 20:33

If I wanted a fourth in your position I would have one. I have three and an now 39 so won't be going for it as I feel at capacity. I love big families and four always seems so much fun! If you have the capacity and more love to give them id go for it.

BrendaSmall · 07/04/2026 20:30

I always wanted 4 children I had my 3rd one at 31 and felt too old to go on and have a 4th one šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

Original poster
Wherethewildoneswander · 07/04/2026 20:28

I feel like having a fourth might be seen as mad, or at least a bit selfish?

MN usually seems the place for brutal honesty - so Iā€™m looking for the judgement that I might experience but am unlikely to have anyone say to my face, I suppose.

OP posts:
Namechangingagain12345 · 07/04/2026 20:25

You both want a fourth, you appear to have the space and money for a fourth. What is stopping you?

Brewtiful · 07/04/2026 20:23

I'm confused. What's the AIBU? If both of you want a 4th then why would you seek the opinion of strangers?

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