To have a fourth child?

Not everyone chooses to go to university

Go for it

You are in a similar situation to us, albeit I was slightly older. We went for number 4 and got twins!

I wouldn’t change a thing now but it was a shock.

if you’re prepared for that and other potential risks, have at it! 😂

No. I think you have three healthy children. That’s amazing. I think just enjoy it. I have two and wanted a third. I’m now glad I didn’t. It isn’t just about money and space, but being emotionally and physically well for them too

Look very realistically at your debts and take it from there. After a 4th, your earning capacity will drop for some time. The job market and economy is going to be rough for the next minimum 5 years.
If DH is a decent earner with a safe job and if you know you can and will return to work and, crucially, if you don’t have a big mortgage or other large debts, then having a 4th is fine.
It’s an economical decision above all else.

Think you’re mad in this economy personally but it’s up to you.

We have four but with a bigger age gap between 3-4(unplanned)
Its a lot more expensive than I expected and
while I wouldn’t give her back the drudgery of homework/bedtime etc is real. I’m 25 years calling children for school, only 2 more to go!

Yeah why not. We have 5 and whilst obviously expensive, we largely enjoy our lives. We’re also fortunate that our DC get on well, they’re all good kids and don’t cause any trouble. You earn enough combined and have the space so go for it, you don’t need anyone else’s opinion.

We had 4 (3 are adults now) and my fourth I had at 37, so very similar and similar age gaps too. Similar income too (relative to the fact we had ours 20 years ago)..

It wasn't for the fainthearted and we were very very lucky, surviving redundancies, covid and other unforeseen life events. We were able to afford 4 sets of school fees including one boarding but that was then... wouldn't be able to now on 200k as costs have sky rocketed. Overall even without school fees it was expensive and we did move to a 6 bedroom house because when they became teens it felt quite overcrowded in a 4 bed with us both working from home full time and lots of other teens camping out here constantly!

Ultimately we love our family but it's really hard work and financially draining. Not sure we will be able to provide huge house deposits unless we downsize, but that's not the end of the world, lots of people can't either so I am not going to feel too bad about that!!

Curious - are you concerned with the increasingly poor outcomes we’re seeing for teenagers/young adults in terms of securing jobs (even NMW) and the knock on effect to them being able to own their own home? Also, the very real impact of climate change already being experienced with more coming in terms of climate migration and food security?

Your 37 and your husband is 39. You already have 3 children of 5, 3 and 1.
Your children are very young and you have a long number of years ahead of you of supporting them. As they all go to primary school you will have childcare the days your working along with childcare during the the school holidays. Then they will start doing sports, music ect after school and within a few years you could have 3 kids at different things in different places at the one time.

As they get older your expenses will get higher and along with this the teenaged years can be both expensive and challanging. I know one lady that had teenagers with issues. They needed a lot of support and paid for counselling to deal with these issues. It put a lot of stress and worry on both her and her husband.

You need to think as well how will you fund university and would you like to be in a position to help your kids but a house or apartment when they become adults.

I have friends with teenagers and kids in university and they would be comfortably off like you and your husband. They told me the costs at this stage are very high. The kids work PT on a Saturday and during the holidays but they still need financial support. One couple I know bought a house in university city because they had a few kids going to university there over a number of years. They rent rooms out in the house as well to there kids friends and it helps pay the mortgage. This city rents have gone up a lot and it hard for students to get rental property and rent prices are high.

It possibly in the future that you could have 2 or possibly 3 kid's in university at the same time.

As one of my friends said I always wanted children but you have to think can I afford to give them a good life and a good education. I want to be able to help them get into the property market if I can also. Also I need to fit and healthy both mentally and physically in order to bring them up. She decided to stop at 2 for this reason.

In your situation I would be happy with the 3 healthy kids you have and work towards giving them, you and your husband the best life possible.

Four children in such a short period seems bonkers tbh.

I want a third, but I had my first at 17, second at 21 - there will be a large gap with the next.

If you’re the sort of person who loves babies, it would have made more sense to have spread them out slightly more and get to enjoy each stage properly rather than rushing to fit in in a fourth.

But as others have said, these greats only end one way. No anonymous opinion is going to stop you from having a baby.

I don't think you would be unreasonable to have a fourth, but you really need to be thinking long term rather than whether you can meet their needs in the immediate future.

Things like furniture, nappies, formula, toys, are cheap enough, especially if you've got hand me downs. But it's the cost of childcare, and then clubs/activities, and then education, and then supporting them into adulthood that's the real kicker. Three is already a lot, can you add a fourth without any of them being detrimentally impacted?

If you can, great! Go for it. But I would personally prioritise a higher quality of life for three children over a lesser quality of life for four.

Same. Why the hesitation and thread op?

That pain comes from the privilege of already having children. And OP may well not feel her family is complete even after 4.

Four teenagers?

Forget that noise.

Every unhappy, arguing adult sibling group I know is a set of three, so on that basis alone I’d go for it and hope they’d get on better!

On a practical note, I’d ensure you and dh both have generous life insurance and loss of income protection, you don’t want to be widowed/ill and left with 4 kids and no income.

I'm from a large family and I say YABU because my parents never had time for us as they were busy working. The eldest kids were relied on for childcare and became too independent far too early & missed out on vital playtime. The youngest kids were indulged and both have significant problems adjusting to adulthood.

It's all about quality and not quantity, concentrate on parenting the kids that you have already got. If something awful happened, would you be able to afford to raise 4 kids on your own? My MIL struggled financially with 5 kids after FIL suddenly died from cancer at 45. You can't predict what life is going to throw at you.

I'd say 4 is a lot if you want them to have full, active and varied lives - travelling, lots of activities and interests etc. As has been said younger children are much easier in a lot of ways and you have a lot of control - as they age, especially into the teen years, not so much. Problems get bigger, life becomes more expensive. The days of mostly staying at home while children play in the garden have long gone for most people. And divorce is increasingly common....

I do know a family where the marriage was a second one for both- she had 3, he had 4 and they had 2 more together (grown up now). But they lived the kind of stay at home, make do and mend rural life I would have hated.

I have 3 and know the pain of feeling your family isn’t complete. If it’s what you and your husband want I would go for it. For us personally I struggled with the last pregnancy and we live in an expensive part of the county so I think we will stay at 3. But my baby (we had a bit of a gap) is an absolute joy and we couldn’t imagine our lives without her.

You've seemingly got the time, the money, the space, plenty of experience of parenthood, you're not drastically old...?

I come from a big family, more than four siblings! We weren’t poor, parents supported us. Some of my siblings have issues due, I think to being born to close together, some are NC, despite us all growing up closely together and it being fun from my perspective. Each has a very different perspective on how we were brought up. I have a very close relationship with only one of my siblings.

I really don’t understand why people want lots of children, in these current times. I have one DD and can fully support her and her children,
my DGC.

I often celebrate only having had one, when the inevitable problems happen, as is part and parcel for growing up and parenting,
and DC going out into the world. I frequently
say to myself, I am so glad I only had one.

And my DD, seeing her friends varied relationships with their siblings is happy to be an only child.

But that is only my experience. The main thing is to bring up happy, well balanced and supported children, that go on become good adults.

Assuming you'll bring them up well to be great adults, then your country needs you!