Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset by what my aunt said and did when I went to visit

213 replies

Droopydroopingdropped · 07/04/2026 11:15

Hello
I know I am probably being unreasonable and my aunt had every right to say what she said but I feel horrible and just want to get things off my chest
I can't talk about this to anyone in real life as they will think me too shallow
Anyway I visited family abroad after 6 years and the first thing my aunt said when I arrived at her house was "You look so different, oh you've changed so much."
When I visited last I was 50, still having periods and also had met the man I am now married too so I was all giddy and glowy. Six years on and, although still in love, life throws a lot of stress at you etc plus I am post menopausal.
I thought I looked okay but she kept mentioning it, saying oh my hair was so thick before now its thin, I look drawn, I dont look like before.
Just basically making me feel like shit.
She wouldn't cook either so would just eat snacks for herself and then fry me a load of chips
After a few days of this my skin came out in horrible boils
I endured 3 weeks but luckily there were some other relatives who took me out for meals and tried to send food for me because they all know what this aunt is like.
She would ask what I would like to eat but then just make chips
When I came back to the UK I got diagnosed with fatty liver!
I feel traumatised by my experience and I don't want anything more to do with this aunt who seems to be angry that I have had the audacity to age.
I did manage to stay with a cousin for a couple of nights but her husband didnt really like me being there.
I spent so much money for the flights and buying gifts for everyone and bar a few of them they just made me feel awful especially the aunt!
She is my mum's youngest sister, never been married, she lives with her unmarried brother who also has gone a bit weird.
I am researching fillers and plastic surgery, she has given me a complex.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 07/04/2026 11:27

Why were you so passive?!
why didn’t you cook or answer back to her comments / leave
my mind boggled at people willingly aceepting this when you could have left either to a hotel or back home
you are not obligated to stay or like your family

Shoxfordian · 07/04/2026 11:27

Three weeks of chips didn't cause fatty liver disease
Why did you stay for three weeks when she was rude to you? Make it make sense

Catza · 07/04/2026 11:26

Nobody can make you feel anything. My mum is well known for throwing comments like that around and we just shrug it off because her opinion doesn't change anything about how we feel. So the question to ask yourself is why you took it so close to heart? Did it expose some thoughts you were already struggling with yourself?
I am also baffled by the fact that you couldn't arrange your own meals at the age of 56. Is there going to be a big drip feed about that?

JipJup · 07/04/2026 11:25

I also don't get the relevance of you saying you've been diagnosed with fatty liver disease?

Your aunt didn't cause this 😳

deserthighway · 07/04/2026 11:24

Agree with all the posters so far. We can't choose our family, you know now for future reference.

Also puzzled as to why you had to have people take you out for dinner and bring food for you? Thats odd for a healthy 56 year old.

But yes, don't go there again. Or tell her how much more wrinkled she is compared to the last time you saw her lol.

KilkennyCats · 07/04/2026 11:24

Why would you stay for three weeks if you weren’t happy?!
And relying on other relatives to send food and take you out for meals like you’re a helpless infant 🙄

BauhausOfEliott · 07/04/2026 11:24

Your aunt was rude to make negative comments about your appearance.

But claiming you are 'traumatised' because she didn't cook you healthy meals and was a bit tactless is ridiculous. And no, you didn't get diagnosed with fatty liver because you had a couple of weeks of eating junk.

If you didn't want to eat what your aunt cooks you could have offered to cook something, bought yourself some healthy stuff to snack on etc. You're a grown woman.

Three weeks is a long time to impose yourself as a house guest.

DarmokAndJaladAtTenagra · 07/04/2026 11:23

Your aunt sounds horrible, rude and shallow. Why did you stay for 3 weeks? Why did you eat only chips unless other relatives fed you? You do sound very passive in what sounds like it was an intolerable situation. Why do you allow one woman's opinion of you to lead you to consider something as serious as cosmetic surgery?
It really sounds like you'd benifit from some professional help to improve your sense of agency, and self esteem.

Edited to correct cosmic surgery typo - now that might be interesting!

Hallamule · 07/04/2026 11:21

Your aunt does not sound like a kind person and she's clearly knocked your confidence. Lesson learnt, you need not see her again. But why you, as an adult, couldn't arrange a reasonable diet for yourself whilst staying with her, is a mystery.

GrillaMilla · 07/04/2026 11:21

Well she sounds very odd!
It's all on her, not you.

This is it with family...you can't choose them. We all have rude/weird etc relatives. I'd not make the effort again. Now you know for the future.

JipJup · 07/04/2026 11:21

I am researching fillers and plastic surgery, she has given me a complex.

As rubbish as she's made you feel, I can't take this ^^ seriously.

If you want fillers and plastic surgery then go for it, it's your life and your money.

But don't 'blame' anyone else for it.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/04/2026 11:20

The comments were shite but why are you relying on others to cook and bring you food, could you not have cooked/bought/ordered your own?

Dentalmum2 · 07/04/2026 11:18

YABU. You don't get fatty liver from three weeks of crap food. I'm assuming she's quite old if you are 56 so she may have lost her filter a bit. It's annoying, but certainly not worth getting a complex over it or researching filler.