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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask my partner to move out over benefits?

259 replies

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:23

I have been with my partner for around 2 years. I have health issues which I have been quite unwell with since January. Around 2-3 weeks ago, my partner unofficially moved in here to help me out, I say unofficially because she doesn’t contribute to the bills at the moment because that would mean her legally living here in the eyes of UC. It was a 2-3 week trial run until I was back on my feet a bit more to decide what to do next.

We have started going through benefit calculations to see how it would all work with her officially moving in. Now, I was always under the impression that she doesn’t earn very much, living on the breadline - because that’s what she has always told me - now it transpires that she earns a lot more than she said and also has quite a bit in savings.

This means that I would be losing around £1000 a month, having to pay for school meals/prescriptions/dental care/etc whilst she would be around £1000 better off because my house bills aren’t as much as hers.

She is going to have to move straight back out isn’t she?

I hate to make it all about money but my income resources are pretty limited due to being too unwell to work and I have children - one that is autistic - to provide for…

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 07/04/2026 15:11

You can decide not to live with a partner for any reason you want.

user1476613140 · 07/04/2026 15:09

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:38

Even if she says fine, I’ll hand the money over, financially I will be in the same situation but I will have extra outgoings (such as prescriptions, glasses, school meals, dentist fees) that normally I won’t have to pay for so financially I’m not that much better off and will have less support

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Move to Scotland. You'd be better off especially if you have chronic health issues.

Therealjudgejudy · 07/04/2026 15:08

She needs to move back out.

And the lying about finances is shady.

WallaceinAnderland · 07/04/2026 15:07

I don't understand the problem with increased outgoings for you OP because you will have an increased income.

She would pay rent and her share of utilities, food, etc. So on balance you are no worse off. In fact you might even be better off financially.

5128gap · 07/04/2026 15:03

Monty36 · 07/04/2026 14:09

If you are a couple and as a couple, earn over a threshold to receive benefits then you do.
It doesn’t matter who earns what, but collectively what is the household income.
If it means you won’t be with a person and a couple because your benefits will go then you do not value your relationship much.
She has been dishonest about money. Your attitudes to money are not a good start.

Its not really as straightforward as "if your benefits matter that much". Coming off benefits to be supported financially by a partner is a big step as your livelihood is in the hands of that person, and that person needs to be fully committed to keeping you. Many would be live in partners are not very keen on this at all. They don't see why they should keep another adult and this leads to the non working partner being resented, even kept short of money.
The claimant may be delighted to come off benefits, but the partners view is the one that counts as they'll be picking up the bill. If OP doesn't fully trust her partner financially this would be a mistake for her.

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:59

CherryBlossom321 · 07/04/2026 14:52

Strawman fallacy. Tedious and predictable.

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You started it hun

BlackCatsForever · 07/04/2026 14:55

All about the money… Not a word about the emotional impact on the children (including one with autism) of moving this random person into their home.

GottaBeStrong · 07/04/2026 14:52

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:38

Even if she says fine, I’ll hand the money over, financially I will be in the same situation but I will have extra outgoings (such as prescriptions, glasses, school meals, dentist fees) that normally I won’t have to pay for so financially I’m not that much better off and will have less support

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I wouldn't do it, but that's because I've previously been financially abused.

You can get a prescription prepayment certificate that costs £114.50 a year that would cover your medicine, but not glasses and dental.

School meals - you could do packed lunches instead, which might work out cheaper than school dinners.

CherryBlossom321 · 07/04/2026 14:52

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:41

Ah stop that 😂

So you think the OP genuinely thought that he partner that works full time and has been dating for 2yrs was waiting in line for free bread?

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Strawman fallacy. Tedious and predictable.

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:43

Kirbert2 · 07/04/2026 14:37

If you have savings, you very clearly aren't on the breadline and don't need to be asking to borrow money from someone relying on benefits to feed their kids.

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I 100% agree. That's why I said I think thag the OPs partner probably has budgeting issues moreso. Probably afraid to use savings in case of an emergency, but putting too much savings away and ending up with little to nothing left at the end of the month hence telling the OP they are living on the breadline and don't buy new clothes or having to borrow money.

Crikeyalmighty · 07/04/2026 14:41

BringBackCatsEyes · 07/04/2026 10:43

That's about £45K gross (depending on deductions).
The lack of transparency would be a deal breaker for me.
She's either got a lot of debt, huge outgoings you don't know about, got some sort of addiction she's feeding or a liar.

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Not the case - she could quite easily have £1600 rent and council tax if on her own in south east or London plus bills, even here in many parts of south west it would be £1450 minimum - plus bills on top of course!

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:41

CherryBlossom321 · 07/04/2026 14:37

The breadline refers to a level of income to which someone is considered poor. It originated in the 19th century, when poor people waited in line for free bread. It’s not a term open to interpretation the way you’re implying.

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Ah stop that 😂

So you think the OP genuinely thought that he partner that works full time and has been dating for 2yrs was waiting in line for free bread?

CherryBlossom321 · 07/04/2026 14:37

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:35

It's open to interpretation though. Your breadline and my breadline could be very different. It sounds like her partners budgeting habits might not be the best.

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The breadline refers to a level of income to which someone is considered poor. It originated in the 19th century, when poor people waited in line for free bread. It’s not a term open to interpretation the way you’re implying.

Kirbert2 · 07/04/2026 14:37

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:35

It's open to interpretation though. Your breadline and my breadline could be very different. It sounds like her partners budgeting habits might not be the best.

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If you have savings, you very clearly aren't on the breadline and don't need to be asking to borrow money from someone relying on benefits to feed their kids.

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:35

CherryBlossom321 · 07/04/2026 14:32

Her partner said she was living on the breadline, she isn’t. That’s a lie.

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It's open to interpretation though. Your breadline and my breadline could be very different. It sounds like her partners budgeting habits might not be the best.

Monty36 · 07/04/2026 14:32

You sound more like friends with separate finances than a couple with joint.
But DWP will see the household budget only.
Don’t move a friend into your home until you are a couple with a shared future planned and shared finances.

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 07/04/2026 14:32

She borrowed money when she had thousands in her savings? Yeah no, I wouldn’t want her to move in either!

CherryBlossom321 · 07/04/2026 14:32

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:22

Yes... but it's not factual to say the partner lied.

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Her partner said she was living on the breadline, she isn’t. That’s a lie.

Kirbert2 · 07/04/2026 14:32

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:22

Yes... but it's not factual to say the partner lied.

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It would feel pretty dishonest to me since her partner has borrowed money from OP in the past knowing that OP relies on benefits and doesn't have any savings unlike her partner who turns out, does actually have savings.

CherryBlossom321 · 07/04/2026 14:30

Barrenfieldoffucks · 07/04/2026 13:21

I don't see this as dishonesty, surely if they don't live together it is no business of the OP's how much her girlfriend earns. If she was tricking the OP into paying stuff for her, that would be different. But it doesn't sound like that, more that she is frugal and doesn't buy herself lots of stuff.

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She told her partner she’s living on the breadline. She absolutely isn’t. Of course it’s dishonest.

Kirbert2 · 07/04/2026 14:30

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/04/2026 14:11

Because you don’t loose it until you leave that phase of school (primary or secondary).

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Isn't that changing too? Though possibly not until the changes in September anyway which wouldn't matter.

Fair enough. Thanks.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/04/2026 14:29

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:26

I know that 😂
But like why make shit up when it's clearly not true... it doesn't help the OP

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It isn’t making shit up, it’s how the OP feels based on what she’s said, which is 100% relevant to the thread. You are just being pedantic which any more helpful

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/04/2026 14:28

If she is struggling now then surely will be worse living together as she will end up paying for everything as you lose your benifits

tbh I understand where she is coming from. She will be worse off as well as paying for you and your kids

you don’t sound compatible. Tbh you don’t even sound if you love Her

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:26

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/04/2026 14:24

It’s mumsnet not court.

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I know that 😂
But like why make shit up when it's clearly not true... it doesn't help the OP

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/04/2026 14:24

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:22

Yes... but it's not factual to say the partner lied.

Show quote history

It’s mumsnet not court.

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