AIBU to ask my partner to move out over benefits?

And this is why the world is a mess and with broken families everywhere, because you get more in benefits, says it all really.
gone are the days of the family unit, bringing kids up in a loving home with both parents contributing, it all comes down which way works better around benefits.

@TWD123 it sounds as if you would be much happier all round if she didn't move in, so move her out. You are allowed to prioritise your own needs and those of your children.

I wouldn’t have her move in, have you asked why she’s lied about her finances? pleading poverty when she’s anything but, the lies would be enough to tell her to go.

It sounds like deep down you have already made your mind up. Be prepared though that this might end your relationship if your partner thought things were moving forward and now they're not. If you want to stay together maybe talk this through with her first.

100% Do what's good for your children. Do not allow your partner to move in.

This^

I don't think the DWP needs to consider the sexual behavior of the OP and her partner. Use the definition of the word co-habiting from the English dictionary. Co-habiting = living in the same house even when the two "householders" sleep in separate rooms. Technically the benefit fraud started when the OPs partner "moved in".

This bizarre family dynamics would be a non starter for me.

Her partner is terrible with money so doesn't sound like she will support her.
OP needs to think about herself and her kids, not the taxpayer, she needs security which it doesn't sound like she'd have if she was financially dependent on her partner who is terrible with money.

Why should everyone else pay?

Your partner will have to subsidise your loss of benefits. Benefits are based on household income. If the household doesn't need them you wont get them.

I'm sorry but l would give.this woman a wide berth. She lied about her real earnings and savings to you. So what else is she lying about?

She sounds as though she wants the best meal ticket she can find. And that could be you.

Get Rid. Done let her use you .

Absolutely, no wonder this country Is in a mess with these attitudes 🙈

It does sound like it’s all about the money to you! If your partner is willing to move In and share finances then quite frankly you should do it and save the taxpayer, as for your extra costs, prescriptions get a pre payment certificate only £10 a month for as many scripts as you need. Sorry to be blunt but we as a country are really struggling financially and not a bottomless pit!

No it doesn't, not if you actually read it.
She thought her partner was broke so it would be feasible, turns out her partner actually earns more which would mean that the OP was financially reliant on her and her partner would be expected to provide for her and her kids, even though she seems to be terrible with money.
Sounds like she has common sense and is thinking practically, which everyone should do when they have kids.

Perhaps she is always struggling for money because by the time she has paid all her bills out of her wages, she doesn't have much left? You state she'd be 1k better off a month living with you. Does she rent where she lives? If so there is no way her rent and associated bills are only 1k unless she's in a flat share in a cheap area.

If you can survive on your combined income, why would you continue to claim from the state?

I had this similar thing with a friend, as someone in finance I helped them rebudget.

The first point is, do you have any smart phones you could trade in and drop to sim only on lesser quality of phone, maybe an iPhone 11 rather than a 15 or whatever number they are at these days, lebara have great deals for less than a fiver a month, do you have any subscriptions, sky? Netflix? Disney? Spotify? Go basic on these and / or cancel them

my friend saved £345 a month doing this, think about what you can change and control rather than what you are losing from the taxpayer, that way you can live together, be happy and won’t be reliant on tax payers, or more so the government rules impacting you

plus your partner may be willing to cover say £600-£700 if you are showing you are making moves to budget.

They are not her kids, it all becomes a bit confusing

Tbh the lying would be reason enough for me to ask her to leave. £2800 a month is almost £50k income, and shes unable to manage it. Financially irresponsible and lying to me are flags I couldnt ignore regardless of benefits xxx

She needs to move out. It looks like a win win for her. The fact she was dishonest with you in the first place is a red flag. Protect your home and your children first because eventually if it all goes south your children are going to lose out.

I don’t think she lied about her income at all. She said she struggled month to month and OP thinks that because her income is 2800 (doesn’t specify whether this is pre or post tax!), there’s no way she could be struggling financially. If it’s pre tax it’ll be about £2300 a month. It depends on quite a few things but if they’re down south in particular with high rent/mortgage payments, 2.3k won’t stretch far. She may also repay a student loan so will lose some salary there plus, because she works, her prescriptions and dentistry are not free like OP’s. Maybe she’s in debt too so has high repayments. We don’t know what her situation is but either way, 2.3k isn’t a lot. It isn’t as if she said she earned way less, just that she was struggling.

Regardless, I don’t think you should live together. For starters, she struggles as it is so I don’t think she should suddenly become responsible for OP and her children too.

What uc refers to as cohabiting isn't as narrow as you seem to believe. You need to ask her to leave as this relationship could count as benefit fraud. She cooks for you= cohabiting, does housework = cohabiting. Signs of a sexual relationship= cohabiting.

But there was no need at the start to discuss earnings, usually this is discussed at a later stage

depending on how much savings she has it may make your UC award become less

anything up to 6k is fine
after 6k -16k it’s a reduced amount
and once your over 16k all UC will stop

If the income and savings of your DP wipe out your benefits, then that will put you and your child in a very vulnerable position. But it sounds like there is a lot more going on here anyway.

Lots of couples live apart and still have a fulfilling relationship. I have no plans to live with my DP. Been there and done that.