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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask my partner to move out over benefits?

259 replies

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:23

I have been with my partner for around 2 years. I have health issues which I have been quite unwell with since January. Around 2-3 weeks ago, my partner unofficially moved in here to help me out, I say unofficially because she doesn’t contribute to the bills at the moment because that would mean her legally living here in the eyes of UC. It was a 2-3 week trial run until I was back on my feet a bit more to decide what to do next.

We have started going through benefit calculations to see how it would all work with her officially moving in. Now, I was always under the impression that she doesn’t earn very much, living on the breadline - because that’s what she has always told me - now it transpires that she earns a lot more than she said and also has quite a bit in savings.

This means that I would be losing around £1000 a month, having to pay for school meals/prescriptions/dental care/etc whilst she would be around £1000 better off because my house bills aren’t as much as hers.

She is going to have to move straight back out isn’t she?

I hate to make it all about money but my income resources are pretty limited due to being too unwell to work and I have children - one that is autistic - to provide for…

OP posts:
GrrrrEnergy · 07/04/2026 09:35

Sounds a bit like you view your partner as an asset rather than a person, and because she doesn't = more ££ for you, she's out!

Imdunfer · 07/04/2026 09:34

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:28

I’m more concerned about the extra outgoings I will have to - such as my child’s hot meals at school, my prescriptions of which I have quite a lot of, my glasses which my prescription changes a couple of times a year and they are quite expensive to buy, my dental care - all which I get help with now but won’t if she actually moves in

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What kind of partner is she of it isn't obvious to her that if she is £1000 a month better off from the move that she needs to give that to you to make up for what you can no longer get in welfare payments?

Is she actually moving in as more of a carer than an emotional partner? That would seem to be the only thing that makes sense, that she thinks she's owed the £1000 for taking on caring duties.

BeeCucumber · 07/04/2026 09:32

Does your partner have a home of their own?

Pepperedpickles · 07/04/2026 09:29

Imdunfer · 07/04/2026 09:27

Why doesn't she just give you the £1000 she's better off to make up the £1000 you are losing?

This.

This is what they’ll expect you to do. Either it’s all in, a family together, or not. When dh moved in with me 16 years ago we were in the same situation. We pooled all our income and gave ourselves an equal and set amount of spending money. If you don’t want to do this then nope she can’t move in.

Original poster
TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:28

Backpain2026 · 07/04/2026 09:27

If she moves in, then you are a proper couple and a blended family and she takes on the necessary financial responsibility of half of all bills, including the children ones.

If are £1000 worse off and she's £1000 better off ,then the total household position hasn't changed. She just needs to put more into the house and children pot

I’m more concerned about the extra outgoings I will have to - such as my child’s hot meals at school, my prescriptions of which I have quite a lot of, my glasses which my prescription changes a couple of times a year and they are quite expensive to buy, my dental care - all which I get help with now but won’t if she actually moves in

OP posts:
Backpain2026 · 07/04/2026 09:27

If she moves in, then you are a proper couple and a blended family and she takes on the necessary financial responsibility of half of all bills, including the children ones.

If are £1000 worse off and she's £1000 better off ,then the total household position hasn't changed. She just needs to put more into the house and children pot

Imdunfer · 07/04/2026 09:27

Why doesn't she just give you the £1000 she's better off to make up the £1000 you are losing?

Original poster
TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:27

LadyKenya · 07/04/2026 09:26

Are you planning on getting married?

Not anytime soon!

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 07/04/2026 09:26

Are you planning on getting married?

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