Holiday at the time of grandchild’s birth

Go and then head to them after your trip. Surely they'll need your help more once your DS is back at work?

To give them a break, OP! Is your son doing his share of cooking, cleaning and childcare?

Well, there is always next year… but then it’ll be the DGC first birthday you’re missing and they’ll
probably have an issue with that as well.
Reading your other posts it sounds like you feel a bit put upon and tired, a break to do something you’d love to do sounds great. Could you go for the festival and stay a couple of days either side rather than 2 weeks?
Another thing to consider - How would you feel if you were at the festival and you got the call that the baby had been born / sent photos… would it make you wish you were there ?
Could you have a chat with your DC about it and see what they think of you going for a few days.

As an aside, if you are already feeling taken for granted and a bit exhausted with the 1 DGC, maybe now is the time to put some boundaries in place as I can’t imagine 2 DGC will be make this any easier.
I know there’ll be loads of posts on here that think your grandchildren / children should be the centre of your universe, but I disagree. You can still have a great relationship with your family and live your own life and things you get enjoyment from.

It’s two weeks. She’s not a single mother and why on earth did they decide it was a good idea to have another kid when she struggles having one, and you are their only support – that is unfair pressure to put on you. Especially as you believe she won’t cope when your DS goes back to work,

If you have a break, you can at least recharge your batteries before you go back to running round after them

Anyone who goes no contact because someone went to an event they had pre-planned is the problem. Especially when they are so often so helpful.

A real individualist vs collectivist thread..

The modern western individualist thinking would be that:

They chose to have the baby. They are independent adults, and should be capable of dealing with their decisions
You are your own person and should be able to do what you want with your own life, if that is helping - ok - if that is not helping - ok - neither should be wrong.

The more older/traditional collectivist mindset would be that:

Responsibility to those around you (family) comes before personal satisfaction/happiness. Of course you should give help in anyway you can. Equally you should be able to expect help in return form those around you. If we all pay our responsibilities to each other, we all benefit together.

Personally, I'm not sure which one is better... but what I am sure of is that everyone in the family needs to be on the same page. If you are willing to give up your happiness for them, you should be able to expect that in the future they do the same for you. And if you think that they won't, they will act as pure individuals when it suits them, but demand lots from you, then you have a problem. Only you know that.

If you got sick in a couple of years, and needed your son, would he drop his holiday and come to help you? That will be a telling answer, and guide your own decision.

Personally, I would expect my mother to come if she could. But equally I am 100% prepared to drop what I am doing and come to her, if it is possible as well.

Yes, it will tell your son where your priorities lie.

You are not being unreasonable at all! Go to the festival and enjoy it! Both sets of grandparents were out of the country on holiday when my first child was born, for one set of grandparents it was their first grandchild. I woukd never have dreamed that they would have been sitting waiting at home for an event that could happen at any time.

As long as they have someone they can call in at any time to look after the eldest when she goes into labour then I would go and enjoy yourself!

Given this post I would say don't go. Your dil sees you as a crucial part of her support system. Wants you around and leans on you for support. If you like and value this relationship then prioritise her and your older grandchild.

It's 350 miles away and she has to stay in a hotel. I expect the OP has to pay for it.

I think if they are old enough to have children then they are old enough to stand on their own two feet on a single occasion when the OP wants to do something for her. It doesn't make her selfish, it doesn't make her not care about her family. There is alot of selfishness being demonstrated here and I don't think it's the OP.

Then they are the ones who will miss out on the help 🤷‍♀️

The relationship shouldn’t be dependant on how much help the OP can give.

It explains a lot about how transactional people on here can be though

‘The no contact came out of nowhere…’

Please go to the festival OP. Most posters are coming from the angle of expecting help in that situation.

If they are decent people, they won’t want you to miss out. Let them put their own arrangements in place, I bet they would find a way if your son wad risking missing the birth.

Also you won’t be much help if you are burnt out from running round after them all the time!

Why does it only work one way

Grandparents has to be on standby to do what they are told, grandparents only have permission if the mother doesnt want to live in a bubble and allows visitors

Want to do something yourself you need to check it is ok first

Personally I would not mind if my mum or MIL went on as holiday for 2 weeks while I was giving birth. I understand that at 70 my mum does not want to put off some experiences or travels. Also the baby will still be a newborn 2 weeks later, your help will still be appreciated 2 weeks postpartum.
Of course if they take your for granted, that's another subject that would be addressed.

So it doesn't matter if retired people are regularly exhausted by helping out their younger fitter relatives ? I hope you get more sympathy when you are old, everything hurts and you can't sleep properly, and recovering takes much longer than it used to. I have friends in their seventies who have had to stop doing childcare because thr stress of it made them chronically ill. Being old doesn't mean having more time plus the same energy.

Please don’t let strangers on the internet convince you to change the tone of your visit from tone and being part of your precious family to resentment and boundaries

Is it a case theywill need you for overnight care for the elder grandchild (which isnt easy to come by) or just There.

They shouldnt just be expecting things. But not going when they really need you might ruin the relationship.

Seriously? Hardly prioritising gratification, give the amount it appears she does. And it doesn’t matter if she gets tired after running round after them? Bloody hell.

They have chosen to have another, knowing they can’t cope without help already. So OP should go to the festival, if only to have a break before she has to give even more support.

Where does it end? When does Op get to put herself first for once and take the chance to enjoy herself?

@mumbleleaf nailed it.
definitely have a chat with them about future visits and explain you find it too tiring so whilst you are happy to help you can’t do it all.

@Ferguson0909I have four children and am very close to my mother who was a complete angel when I had my first and really helped because he was so unsettled and I had a very difficult birth. When my second was due, they had already booked a holiday in Italy which they were going to cancel...I insisted they went and they arrived back 48 hours after my second was born. DH and DS1 had a great time together, I bonded with DD and by the time the GPs arrived, we were all much calmer.

If you want to go, I would do so. They have no 'right' to your help and if they take you for granted, maybe it is time for them to stand on their own two feet....my only question would be if they had someone else to help with the toddler whilst she's in labour etc? If not, then that is a bit different. I would also be having a frank discussion with them about how they treat you and what you are and aren't happy to do before the second one arrives!