Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop covering my husband when he runs out of money?

304 replies

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:41

Hi there, slightly frustrated and just need some other point of views. So my husband and I distribute household bills - he sends me his share of the rent and I basically pay all the main household bills/subscriptions like council tax, water, gas/electric, broadband, TV, etc as well as my share of the rent and whatever other bits of bobs/loans. He earns a little more than me - aside from his share of the rent, he pays his car insurance, car finance, road tax, one loan repayment and is currently paying back a relative and he’s nearly finished. He also pays for petrol sometimes weekly sometimes fortnightly depending on how frequently he’s used the car. He’ll usually cover the groceries after being paid. Somehow he’s then always left with nothing very soon after payday and whatever he does have left he uses for gambling. I’m quite budget conscious and track my spending so I’m usually left with a reasonable amount after bills are paid. He usually asks me for money frequently and I don’t usually pay much attention to how much I’m giving until I realise that I completely run out - it’s gotten to the point where we’ve both run out and had not even enough for a pint of milk or toilet roll. I decided enough is enough and said I can’t keep covering him when he’s running out of money despite me covering all the main bills and he has to either start earning more or get better at budgeting. It’s hard because obviously it feels mean but his spending needs to be more structured.

OP posts:
Credittocress · 07/04/2026 00:32

Firefly100 · 07/04/2026 00:25

However defensive he gets, this cannot continue. As some previous posters suggested, at a minimum all shared bills come from a shared account where you both pay 50/50 into and then you have your own money left for you own spends - and to build up savings in your case. If he can’t commit to this, genuinely I would suggest to divorce so that you can financially keep yourself safe from his inevitable debts.
You don’t mention how old you are. Do you intend to have children? How will this work if you are now at the point of struggling for milk at the end of the month? If he can’t get control of this you really have to financially separate before he drags you with him.

I wouldn’t have a shared account with this man. You can guarantee that when he started to run short of his own money he’d dip into the shared account. Maybe thru have an account that they pay in 50:50 to, for household expenses, but in this case it should be in OPs name only.

I also wouldn’t risk my credit score financially linking myself to him with a shared account

Firefly100 · 07/04/2026 00:25

However defensive he gets, this cannot continue. As some previous posters suggested, at a minimum all shared bills come from a shared account where you both pay 50/50 into and then you have your own money left for you own spends - and to build up savings in your case. If he can’t commit to this, genuinely I would suggest to divorce so that you can financially keep yourself safe from his inevitable debts.
You don’t mention how old you are. Do you intend to have children? How will this work if you are now at the point of struggling for milk at the end of the month? If he can’t get control of this you really have to financially separate before he drags you with him.

SheilaFentiman · 07/04/2026 00:01

I would be worried about paying half the bill and rent money into a joint account and that money depleting before the payments went out, if I was OP

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 07/04/2026 00:00

It sounds like you’re giving him too much free rein. You need to work out how much half of the rent and half of all bills & food is and you both pay this into the joint account each month - no discussion - and then you each have whatever is left to spend in non-shared expenses. Don’t give/lend him anything any more as he can’t be trusted to budget and he is undermining your efforts to keep you both afloat.
If he won’t agree to this then you need to consider your future very carefully as I imagine it is more than £10-£30 that is being gambled and he will just drag you down with him if he won’t try and get a grip in his finances now.

RaspberryRipple3 · 06/04/2026 23:30

When you talk to him about finances there is a reason he’s defensive…and you’re being naive if you believe he’s only spending £10-30 gambling a week.

But let’s say he spends a maximum of £30 a week- that’s still up to £120 a month, and yet there are times when you can’t afford to buy milk. If finances are that bad then he can’t even afford to gamble £10 a week can he?

You’re also funding his wasting of money. So every time he gambles and you have to cover something for him, you’re essentially paying for him to gamble. What a waste of money that you can’t afford to lose.

I know I don’t sound very sympathetic but that’s because my ex was a gambler and I know how sneaky, stupid and selfish gamblers can be. So yes, at the absolute minimum, I would stop giving him any money at all.

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 23:22

SerendipityCat · 06/04/2026 23:00

I think you'll find it's a good bit more than £10-30 a week. Is this what he actually tells you?

Well, it’s the amount he asks for most if the time for bits and bobs. I know I’ve played a part in the enabling so I’m putting a stop to it. Like he recently asked for money for food but I’d already done a massive food shop so I declined and spoke about his budgeting. He wasn’t happy about it.

OP posts:
canisquaeso · 06/04/2026 23:17

£10-£30/week that you know of. I’d bet the actual figure is higher, which is why you don’t have an explanation to him running out of money all the time.

He’s an addict. Now the question is if gambling is his only addiction, because it often comes coupled with other vices.

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 23:03

BarbiesDreamHome · 06/04/2026 22:47

I honestly cannot fathom living in that sort of chaos and not realising it's not normal.

Please, genuinely, don't see that as me sneering at you but as the honest to goodness shock it is that you are so accustomed to it that you even have to question it.

Edited

I understand your point, it does seem quite shocking. I think I’ve finally seen that it’s wrong because we’ve ended up with with nothing and it’s been the driving factor to start making changes.

OP posts:
SerendipityCat · 06/04/2026 23:00

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:54

I think roughly £10-30 a week

I think you'll find it's a good bit more than £10-30 a week. Is this what he actually tells you?

cantgardenintherain · 06/04/2026 22:59

There is no point being married to a gambler.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 06/04/2026 22:57

You can't fix him.
He has to face the consequences of his actions, ie spending every "spare" (as he sees it) penny on gambling. Some people call this "hitting rock bottom" and it's true whatever addition he has - gambling, drinking, drugs.
You can only decide how you are going to live your own life, but while you are tied to him financially he'll spend all the money he has, and all the money you have too.

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:54

Decacaffeinatednow · 06/04/2026 22:52

How much does he spend on gambling?

I think roughly £10-30 a week

OP posts:
Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:53

BIWI · 06/04/2026 22:45

Why are you not both paying into a joint account? Or at least paying your share of bills into a joint account?

If you're both earning pretty much then you share things equitably.

If he's earning more than you then you shouldn't be bailing him out.

Stop doing it!

I think I’ve tried hard to help him, I opened a joint account for us, I tried getting him a new job and he was successfully appointed but he quit because he said it was “too
hard” (it was a supermarket delivery role just as a side hustle to help him get at least an extra £600 or so).

OP posts:
Decacaffeinatednow · 06/04/2026 22:52

How much does he spend on gambling?

GingerBeverage · 06/04/2026 22:52

If he earns more he’ll just gamble more.

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:51

Credittocress · 06/04/2026 22:46

He needs to seek help for gambling addiction.

I advise him all the time that he should stop but he doesn’t get it.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 06/04/2026 22:51

Do not give him any money.

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:50

Butterflywings84 · 06/04/2026 22:44

So he earns more than you but you are paying the majority of the household bills and then he still wants money from you as he runs out. YANBU to not give him more money but you are unreasonable to have ended up in that situation- why aren’t the bills split more evenly between you in the first place?

Well, when we first got together he was covering all the bills because I wasn’t working/had a stable income. Once I got a permanent job with steady income he was still
covering some main bills (or so I thought) because we ended getting getting a letter from
court about unpaid council tax and I had no idea council tax wasn’t being paid which freaked me out and I spent ages trying to negotiate with the council and clear the backlog which I’m still trying to sort out.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 06/04/2026 22:49

Stop giving him any money. He is a gambler. If he wants more money then he needs to be more careful with his own money.

Shitmonger · 06/04/2026 22:49

whatever he does have left he uses for gambling

And you’re just… okay with this gambling addiction?

BarbiesDreamHome · 06/04/2026 22:47

I honestly cannot fathom living in that sort of chaos and not realising it's not normal.

Please, genuinely, don't see that as me sneering at you but as the honest to goodness shock it is that you are so accustomed to it that you even have to question it.

Heraldry · 06/04/2026 22:47

Just say no. You’re enabling further gambling.

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:47

Doggymummar · 06/04/2026 22:44

Of course you aren't, but he's not going to like it

I’ve tried having discussions about our expenses but he gets very defensive.

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 06/04/2026 22:46

You need to leave this marriage. He will not get better.

Charel2girl5 · 06/04/2026 22:46

Your life will never change being tied down to a gambler. He either gets help or you run for the hills. Would you spend your life with an alcoholic/ heroin addict? It’s exactly the same and gambling will always be a priority. So sorry you are living through this but it’s time for serious decisions.