To go to GP again about 8yo DD low mood?

I also really struggled with low mood and depression as a teen but had friends and did very well at school. It’s only as an adult I am on the pathway for ADHD and my husband is convinced I have AuDHD for a number of reasons. I don’t know if it is AuDHD or just the rigid strategies I’ve used to try and keep ADHD symptoms in check but hopefully my assessment will shed some light.

Some of the things you mentioned would fit Autism, the angry, she has friends but is difficult with them(social difficults). Hiding under the blanket in the morning(transition difficults). Autism is genetic so the fact your sister is.
Both me and my DD are autistic and present in different ways, DD is angry, where I'm quite and very competent. We are both high maskers I. That we dont obviously stim, my DD makes good eye contact, highly observant, empathetic, have a strong sense of justice, fairness. And special interests in Girls can be missed as it offen a common topic, animals, sports, fashion etc.

I'm not saying she is, as you know her best, but Girls often dont fit the typical profile,on the NHS website. Look at Autism in Girls.

Maybe your DD has AuDHD? Sometimes the autistic traits can mask the adhd and vice versa. For example those with adhd are often highly empathetic, and those with autism may follow rules and control their impulses so the overlap can mean one can hide the other.

Dsd was like this as a child, she was actually diagnosed adhd at 13, she also didn’t display any of the symptoms you read about online

My DD was/is similar in much of what you describe. She has ADHD. School see very little and would never have raised any concerns because it was all coming out at home. We ended up seeking a private assessment after having paid for a few sessions with a psychologist (part with us part with just DD) who thought she could see the possibility of ADHD. We paid extra for a school observation and they were able to pick up subtle signs missed by school. She is academically fine and has friends but when she has friends over to play it's hard work as she wants to be in charge/decide what to play etc. so much of what you describe is so familiar, DDs emotional regulation has been so slow to develop but now at 10 we are finally seeing a change. She isn't medicated at this point but I am thinking it might become necessary once she hits year 6/7 and hormones start to really kick in.
Might be worth you having an initial private session or two with a psychologist to get their view on whether any ND, particularly with family history. Good luck x

Also to echo previous comments my DDs primary school completely dismissed my ask that she maybe autistic one teacher actually laughed “oh no we don’t see any of that”… 2years later she was diagnosed aged 10, and adhd diagnosed aged 14. Medication has made a big difference in how she is now coping in the world.

www.abebooks.co.uk/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=32392514618&dest=GBR&ref_=ps_ms_391307717&cm_mmc=msn--uk_shopp_textboook--naa-_-naa&msclkid=01c0e8686d321306bebe81bc710cba40

Can't believe the school said that so dismissively. They should be listening to your concerns. But I get it, both my DC are ND but also both social and academic. DS does struggle with school more. DD holds it together all day and needs huge amounts of downtime to recover from the effort of masking and concentrating all day. Which often results in her being very angry and moody at everything and everyone.

When you say she doesn't stim? Are you sure? DD hair twirls and completely zones out. It's a self soothing thing she's done for years. Both DC also have to constantly fiddle with things. DS was allowed his lump of blue tac at school because the teacher realised if she took it away he'd keep wandering off to find something else. What I'm trying to say is stimming can be really subtle and often we don't realise that's what it is.

It might be that your DD is very emotional and going through some changes but I would say don't rule out ND just because school dismissed it.

Her age is also when a big hormonal changes start happening. My youngest DD always struggled emotionally but it ramped up a lot aged 8-12. She has since had ASD and then ADHD diagnosed when she’s extra anxious she monologues or blows up like a volcano, Her cycle for her period also has a big impact on her feelings. I can’t reason with her then but every single time after it’s blown over we talk it through. This has helped to lesson the length and frequency of the angry patches. Plus recognising that trigger stacking is happening. She can cope with lots of things through out the day but when her energy is depleted it can be one small thing that just pushes her over and the default emotion can be anger / sadness when really she just can’t cope with processing one more thing no matter how small as she’s used up all her emotional energy. Modelling how to deal feelings, naming them and apologising if as an adult you get angry too. Some kids do just find it harder to process emotions and they don’t get it instinctively it need do be taught. “The Explosive Child” book is often recommended by Greene.

Have a look at AuDHD symptoms. When a child has autism and ADHD together it isn't just a bit of both - it presents quite differently often. For example at age 8 my AuDHD child didn't really have obvious special interests. But that's because they cycled really quickly between interests due to the ADHD. It's much more apparent now they are on ADHD meds which has slowed down that chopping and changing part.

Also have a look at RSD which is often a symptoms of ADHD. It can often cause low mood. Autism can also lead to black and white views so that things are great or terrible with less in-between. Play therapy rrally helped with this.

Stimming doesn't have to go with autism but bear in mind that it can also be internal. My son has a lot of internal stims e.g. songs or phrases repeating in his head etc. It's become much more external over time. He also has great eye contact and is very interested in other people's feelings (just doesn't always understand/interpret them well).

It wouldn't surprise me. Both my husband and I definitely have tendancies typical of autism.

If there is no trauma in your dd's past then I would strongly consider autism rather than attachment disorder. They can present very similarly.

This sounds very like my also 8 year old daughter. What helped us was a few months of play therapy. Had it privately, school were no help at all. Things still aren't great but much better than they were. She has serious attachment issues through no obvious reason. I hope you find something that works for you.

Agree with @CuppaTandBicky in that those behaviours alone will probably not meet the criteria for a referral. It might be a good idea to start keeping a diary of instances when these behaviours occur for future reference as this might be useful if she is, at some point, put on a waiting list. Some counselling might help her but in my experience, a lot of intervention needs to be done by the parent themselves so educating yourself may be more useful. Are there any drop-in services for young people in your area that offer low level interventions? ( Often run by charities).

Talk to her school about if they can offer ELSA support for her. If not there may be another agency local to you. It is very helpful with recognising and understanding emotions.
https://www.elsa-support.co.uk/

What kind of media is she consuming? My son was very emotional and angry when he was spending a lot of time on youtube last summer. Flicking through youtube shorts and i don’t know why or how but it was damaging his brain. Didn’t ever want to do anything but sit in front of a screen. We finally clocked what the problem was, deleted it off all of his devices and had a happy and engaged child again within weeks.

Have you ruled out any physical causes? Could be worth looking into, for example, enlarged tonsils/adenoids causing poor quality sleep and long term sleep deprivation. So no other advice, and sorry you’re going through this, just wanted to flag physical causes.

Does she have any friends? How does she behave with them?