AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

It's up to the son.

Ps. you don't need to be married to change your name.

I understand why you might feel sad but if you want to retain a close bond, I think you have to move on.

Context is everything.

I got married at 21 in 1988 and we’re still married now. So not everyone who marries young gets divorced!

Do not listen to people here. Yes, he is 23, but he is still your son. It is normal for a mother to get emotional at any stage of her children life, even when they are good for them, we still remember how it was and craving old good days. It is normal that you feel so. We know we will have to let them go at some point, but we are never ready. It is ok to feel what you feel, but looks like he is a responsible grown up man who know what he wants and he will be always grateful seeing your support, despite the tears you will cry when nobody sees. Wish them all the best and to you to momma.

I don't think that's young! Eighteen is young, maybe early twenties. I met my DH at 18, started dating at 20, married at 21/22. I didn't plan life that way but we just didn't see any reason to wait. Been married over 25 years now.

If they are happy then leave them be. It doesn’t sound like he is giving up anything to get married? They will be able to support each other and grow together.

I wasn’t much older when I got married and have been married 19 years in June. I had a mortgage by 21!

Get over yourself and support their mature decision.

@ItTook9Years 1990s, not in the UK

You can’t help your feelings I guess. But 23 does not seem young to me. I met my husband to be when I was 19, got married at 22. Still together 49 years later so we have spent our entire adult lives together. My daughter met her man when she was 18. They got married when she was 25. Still together (she’s 35 now). Another daughter is not in a relationship and my son - well! Took him till he was 40 to find the right woman. For the two who are married I’m truly grateful that they are with people who are good for them - that’s by far the most important thing.

I just imagined life a bit differently for them.

so they should live this different way to make you happy instead of making themselves happy? I would be really sad if my child felt obligated to change their life for my happiness.

I think you need to grow up.

Theres mothers out there who haven’t seen their sons even reach the age of 23 and you’re sad because he’s found love young (and he’s also clearly successful on a solicitor training contract).

Yes, YABVU. Maybe get some real problems.

Completely agree
OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel the way you do, I would be the same. But of course, its up to them and you must support them.
I hope it all works out for them.

Vomit. Women do all the hard work and DH is living proof that socks don’t fall off of wives keep their own names and pass them on.

happy to help.

Might sound mad, but my friends who got married young all had a dead parent - I think it made them seek some kind of stability.

you’ve raised a kind-hearted boy who is able to offer that to someone he loves - what a fab job you’ve done!

When was that?!

I am 59 and when I was young virtually everyone got married in their early to mid twenties. Some even in their late teens. 23 wouldn't have raised an eyebrow. I knew people who got married the very same summer they graduated.

You wouldn’t be saying that if she was changing hers!

there was me thinking the dinosaurs had died out.

You really are being unreasonable OP. I guess I can see where you’re coming from but with so much gloom and uncertainty in this world can’t you celebrate a young couple making a commitment to each other? Age isn’t an issue really - if it’s right it’s right.
And re changing re changing names, why shouldn’t he? Women have been doing it unnecessarily for ever!
My daughters (late 20s) have been to many many weddings in the last couple of years; a few women have taken their partner’s name, most have kept their maiden names and a few couples have constructed a new name honouring both their families.

We were 21 and 22 when we married and are still together , nearly 48 years. As are all of our friends from Teacher Training College who all married within a year either side of us. Even our daughters, 38, 40 and 42 married in their early twenties.
I don't think your son and girlfriend are too young especially as they have been together for quite a while now. Be happy for them.

Yes but what does it matter? it's just a name. If you only had daughters you I'm guessing you'd just accept that it ends with them getting married and taking their husband's name and shrug it off.

You should be happy for him and his new wife - hide your feelings well or you could lose both of them.

Oh leave them alone. They are young and in love. I think it's nice. So few people bother to get married now, at least not until long after they've already got children and a mortgage. There's something sweetly old fashioned about the optimism of marrying young and there is something modern and civilised about adopting a joint name instead of her having to take his name, or having separate names.

Lots of very young couples don't manage to go the distance in marriage, but honestly, loads do, so I wish them the very best of luck.

I'd be much more horrifed if any of my kids had children too young and with the wrong person. Marriage too young and to the wrong person is completely reversible.

Yabu. If he's happy, then that should be enough for any good parent.

YANBU. I always felt it's the sons who pass on the family name when they get married and yet he's scuppered that.

YABU, you'd prefer him bringing different ladies or men home every night? Or hooked up to drugs? Anything else as long as another woman does not have him "to herself" legally right?
If he's not too young to choose and chase a career path, he's not too young to legally commit to his love life.
I pray you work through your feelings, wish them well and support them, parenting is not ownership.
And to those saying they're likely to divorce anyways why worry. I'll say that's an evil thing to think and say.