AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

It is very odd, especially as I assume that OP has her husbands name so it’s not even her family name!
people need to step out of the dark ages and stop treating women like their possessions that need to be labeled with a name!

I got married at 23. I met my husband aged 18. I’m now 45 and him 51. From 20-27 we worked hard, travelled extensively and had an all round amazing time. First son born when I was 27 and second when I was 32. We still have a great relationship, our sons are 13 and 18. We have a great family life and plan on loads more travelling when our kids have flown the nest. Why worry?

Yes surprisingly. There’s more records that are accessible through digitalisation, no longer having to trawl through libraries and council archives is a huge bonus. But because of new GDPR rules and the laws regarding the time lapses between personal details on census’s etc tracing them in the future will potentially still be problematic but in different ways. For example, traditional naming patterns are currently a useful tool but with those patterns changing, more people not getting married, people living even longer (prohibiting the release of data for longer) and more stringent privacy laws, I predict it will be quite a task!
And, with everything becoming more digitalised, if the internet ever collapses, a mind boggling amount of information could be lost (although in that scenario, we’d have a lot more to worry about). Sorry, I’m just realising how nerdy my comment is.

Out in force?

The vast majority of comments on the thread regarding the name have been saying OP shouldn’t be concerned about it. It’s a 16 page thread and I think there’s been fewer than 10 posts showing concern about it.

Exactly, all the dinosaurs and mums of sons are out in force to moan about a MAN giving up his name when women have expected to do it for years!

Honestly if they've been together since school, got engaged last year what did you expect to happen? You're taking like marriage is the end, rather than the beginning of a lifetimes journey together.
Would you rather they split up be miserable and spend the next 10 years finding someone else to marry.

I think the name change is fabulous. I wish I hadn't taken my husband's name tbh and we'd gone down a different route name wise.
Make sure they know the easiest (and cheapest) way to change their names legally as I think you have to do it by deed poll in the UK you just cant 'pick a name you fancy' on the wedding day. There are legal practices to follow.

I got married at 23, would’ve been devastated to know my mum was doubting us. Slap on a smile, be supportive and happy. If, like any marriage might, it goes downhill, you can be there for him. Otherwise all you’re doing is permanently tanking your relationship with them and any future grand kids.

Different times though.

I really wouldn’t worry. Maybe ask if he’d keep his surname as a middle name and give it to his future children as a middle name.

From a genealogical point of view it will be a nightmare in the future trying to trace families back.

Is this true now, though, with records digitised and rather more sophisticated than the parish records of yore?

Just to add, reading your responses, you should be very proud of your son and future daughter in law. They sound like they have a fantastic work ethic, good moral values and a very bright future ahead of them.
I’d be over the moon if I were you. Share in their happiness, look forward to having more years to watch your family grow and thrive. Get excited for Grandchildren!

I don't think they are 'so young'. They've been together 8 years and are in their 20s. In addition they are clearly well educated and have a solid financial basis if he's aiming to be a solicitor.

We're not talking 17 year olds are we? I could not get excited about the name.

Totally agree, what a strange and negative comment!

YANBU, however personally I would prefer a double barrelled surname if that’s at all possible? It would be a nod to both sides then.

With my own DS’s I’d honestly have no issue with them taking their spouses surname (in some ways I’d prefer it as their father (ex-h is complete twat, but that’s a different story).

He’ll always be your son regardless and that is ultimately what matters. As others have said he’d be free to change his name via deed poll regardless of being married or not.

Wow 😮 what a negative comment!
Incidently why would his surname have to be “restored” in court proceedings, it’s easily done with a Deed poll.
Why do the kids have to have his surname at all, some have been expected to give up their names for years!

I don't think they are that young. At 23 most everyone I know has been out on their own for a couple years.
If they've been together since they were 15/16 why wouldn't they continue to be happy together. My middle son has been with his wife since they were 15. They are now going to be 40 this year.

Also I think it's nice they are honouring her mothers ancestry. I have known other couples that took the wife's surname as it would have been the end of the line for the family name otherwise.

It must be hard feeling like that, I’m sorry.
Getting married young wouldn’t upset me, they sound very committed and in love. What a joy!
However, I’m a bit of a traditionalist and also a keen genealogist, although a lot of people wouldn’t mind the name change, I personally would find that upsetting too. I’m not a big fan of picking and choosing surnames, it’s not something that would bother everyone but it’s quite important to me. From a genealogical point of view it will be a nightmare in the future trying to trace families back.
My step children have had four very random surnames and it’s caused no end of problems with passports and applying for bank accounts etc.

Aaaaand for what reason would 1) the marriage dissolve 2) would he want his old surname back 3) change the name of his children and 4) why would any of this have anything to do with OP to the degree that she should ‘make sure’ he does anything?

What’s this comment got to do with OPs post?

Not that young to marry considering how long they’ve been together.
Women are expected to give up their surnames all the time, what’s the big deal

I think him wanting to change his name is romantic. A different name that has emotional and cultural ties for her while allowing them to set up their own family unit is a lovely idea.

It is a sign that his new family will take precedence over the old. And that is as it should be. That doesn't mean shutting you out or loving you less, it's just a part of growing up.

I don't see what they are going to miss out on either. They don't sounds like the 'wild oats' type and they can travel if they want while they sort careers and finance. What other signifiers of youthful freedom are there?

I don't think logically there is anything to be sad about, beyond the usual reminder that kids grow up fast and no longer need you in the same way. And that is sad, of course it is, but it's also just the circle of life.

Believe me, if you had a son who will probably never have a relationship, let alone get married, you would be thinking very differently about this.

This marriage will dissolve. When it does, during the divorce proceedings, make sure he 1) requests his previous surname be restored by the court, and 2) requests the court add his last name as a hyphenated surname to his children's names so he is not erased.

It's no stranger than women changing thier names to thier husbands fathers name.

No, you’re not being unreasonable. It’s ok to be sad, to worry, all those emotions. Just keep them to yourself. You can’t change his decision, so share in his happiness.

Remember that they seem to be rushing it to you but to them they’ve already been together 7 years! As far as the name change, it’s not that unusual for young couples to start their new life with a new shared name. You never know, your last name may pop up as a grandchild’s first name.