AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

Yeah I read it and my question stands, what’s that got to do with the OPs issue??
Going by your theory, no one should post anything as there’s always “someone worse off”!!
and FYI my daughter has autism and learning difficulties and will never marry or live independently, have a relationship, kids etc, but guess what, it has NOTHING to do with this post!!

It’s really unpleasant!
Im old, I’m 57, and I double barreled my name and so do my daughters.
One is very disabled and won’t be changing her name, the other will obviously have to choose what name she has, but either way I’m not fussed.

I have teen DDs but I do know if they told me they were getting married at twenty three I’d feel the same as you. Their brains aren’t even fully formed until they’re twenty seven! As for changing his name … I wouldn’t be so bothered by that. I never changed my name. My DDs had their Fathers but have opted to use mine instead … they feel more of a connection. I think it’s quite cute that they’re both taking her late Mothers name 💕

Perhaps they’re the most indignant and vocal that their precious little Princes want to change their names when they get married!!!

YANBU in my experience.
I married at 21 to my now ex husband, who was also 21, having met at university.
I look back now and can’t quite believe how everyone went along with it. We were far far too young to make such a huge commitment.
I have two amazing sons (22 and 19) from the marriage and I would be as upset as the OP if either of them were to say they were marrying so young.
There will always be exceptions and some will go on to live happily ever after, but I believe it’s far too young to marry. I want my sons to live and experience life before making a life altering decision.

I understand why you feel sad but I think you already know you cannot say or do anything about it. Changing his name shows your son is not bound by patriarchal assumptions (well done him, and well done you indirectly!) Fwiw, I did not marry young because I knew it would not be approved of by my family/friends, and I spent much of my adult life regretting that decision. Who knows if it would have failed, or what heartaches I shielded myself from, but not following my heart took its own toll and somehow affected my sense of agency over my own life. I became a different person after that. So yes, I think you need to let him make his own decisions, even if they turn out to be mistakes, and let him know you've always got his back.

I knew a lot of young Christians who married immediately after university. Many are still happy together 20 years later. Some aren't, for a multitude of reasons. Some regret marrying young.

I "lived", travelled a lot, broke up with my first love in a brutal way, didn't meet DH until I was 36. But I sooooo wish we'd met younger and had more years together with the chance for more children. I was traumatised for a decade by my breakup in my 20s and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I have other friends who were single in their late 30s, so sad to be alone.

I'd be really happy if DC met someone lovely to share their life with and married young! There's really nothing I've done in life that I couldn't have done with a husband. Marriage doesn't have to be a set way, mortgage, kids immediately.

I know someone who married at 18. They emigrated to the Caribbean, had an amazing time and didn't have kids for 10 years.

I don’t think it’s at all dictatorial to be mildly, privately disappointed that your child is trying themselves down to a decision made when they were in their mid-teens, out of a complete lack of life experience. The OP isn’t telling her son not to do it. She feels how she feels.

Don’t be sad that they’re young. What’s the alternative? That they live the exact same life just unmarried or have a heartbreaking split?

I’ve been with DH since 18 and we married at 29. I wish we’d done it far sooner! We were together either way.

The surname thing is unusual and I get being a bit sad but they’re forging their own way and will be a happy married couple. Far worse things happen at sea than having a successful son marry his childhood sweetheart.

No mother should care about their son’s body count though, no way😂

The whole point of having children is to raise them to be happy and functional people not dictate how they live their lives

It’s seriously weird.

Imagine hearing about a happy couple about to marry and your first thought is to gloat at the idea of divorce.

Said by someone, of course, much older and wiser than the newlyweds-to-be.

The bitterness is crazy.

So what?

Imagine being the kind of parent who just fundamentally can't accept their kid being happy.

Well if they divorced tomorrow he'd have decades to find another more suitable partner.

I take it you don't like her much else I don't see why you wouldn't be delighted that their sweet young romance seems to be becoming permanent?

I think this kind of post is missing the point. This is exactly the kind of life the OP doesn’t want her son to have, marrying the only person he’s ever gone out with, probably his sole sexual partner, a decision made when he was 15 or 16!

You can’t help how you feel, but on the basis of this post you’ve raised a great young man.

I think you are being unreasonable. I met my now husband of 11 years when I was 16. Married at 25. Both professional careers. Happy. We’ve grown up together and continue to grow together.

I don’t think I could get upset by this ( my DCs are similar age) your DS is old enough to know what he wants, living his best life and has a future all planned out. Your job is done and you’ve done it well. Be happy.

My parents were 20 and 22 when they married. They celebrate their 60th anniversary this year. YABU

Did you not read it? There's probably many mothers of sons on here who will never marry at all, which is more concerning than marrying young imho

Exactly. It’s just entitled Parents thinking that their adult kids must pass on THEIR family name with no regard for the other side of the family!
I took my husbands name, had my first child and then when I needed a new passport I decided to go double barreled.
Then had second child who has same double barreled name as me.
Happily my eldest requested to go double barreled too, in her mid teens!

I agree. But your earlier post seemed to imply that male surnames should be passed on. As the legislation you were subjected to wasn’t in the UK it stuck out somewhat.

We all probably have hopes/expectations for our dc when they are little based on the skills, character etc they appear to demonstrate. I felt quite disillusioned during both my sons’ teenage years as a result of this! However, once they become adults I think we need to let go of the notion that we can decide what’s best for our children but instead trust in the values and love that we tried to teach them and let them figure out their own way in their lives. (Yes, I got married at 23 and am still with my husband at 48 years old. My sons are now 23 and 22 and have not decided to marry anyone yet. That’s fine because it’s their life.) Neither of them have followed the career path I would have expected them to despite their obvious abilities. I am not disappointed because they are in charge of how they want to live their lives, as was I when I made my own choices.
I think yabu for being proud of your son for taking steps towards a major career choice so young but not for making a decision in his personal life.

In this particular case, it’s certainly not a traditional change on marriage!

What difference does it make? My dd's name is their name, they received it at birth (it makes no difference if it came from their father or their mother imo) and changing it on marriage for no better reason than tradition is outdated and silly imo.

Exactly we don’t need to know the reasons for using the Mothers maiden name, it’s their choice