AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

Yes, it is young to settle down. But looking on the bright side at least she’s not pregnant, now that would be a problem as he’d be tied to her forever then.

I’d be disappointed that he wasn’t keeping the family name. I wouldn’t stay quiet about that. If she wants to take on a family name it’s up to her, but she can’t expect your son to do it too.

My Son got with his girlfriend at 15. They bought a house together at 22 & had a baby at the age of 23. Married a year later which was 3 years ago & now have baby number 2 on the way. I'm so proud of them for al they have achieved. They both have good degrees, jobs & work hard. Please be happy for your Son & his wife to be. Just because they're young doesn't mean they'll miss out on life they'll just do it together. My Son & his wife are best of friends & have grown together making a life they both want.

The following year! Oops

My husband and I met on his first day of uni. I was a year older. Got together the following to, married when he was 23. Two beautiful children later we're still in love 42 years later. We've had a million adventures along the way.

You’ve really grasped there haven’t you? Pathetic 😂

Her mum has passed away, she’s very young to go through that. Maybe she wants to carry on her memory.

Would also be interested to see the name, some English names are pretty shit. Maybe they’d rather be called Rossi or Ferrari than Nutter or Picklebottom

The surname change is a lovely way of honouring her late mother and making her a part of the marriage. It is a very young age to marry but it sounds like they've been together for a good amount of time. I do get your feeling that you wish maybe he'd had more of a wild youth before settling down, just from a perspective of living a big life BUT - and this is a big but - his career ambitions and dedication to a decent job and commitment to a life with someone he loves is a huge credit to him as a stable, content human being. And the earning power he'll have in his chosen profession give me confidence that they'll have a good quality of life and have the option to travel and have lovely experiences.

My husband and I moved in together in our early twenties and first dated in our teens (not the whole way through though!) and we had our children young-ish in our 20s. Sure, I saw friends travelling, living abroad, having their wild times but now we're in our 40s with ours working, about to go to uni, being more independent, and we've got so much more freedom than those same friends who've just done the kids and home thing a couple of decades later. We're still together, still have fun. We married after a couple of kids but we'd been living as married that whole time.

I had friends at the time who were disapproving of me getting pregnant in my 20s, of "settling" for a guy I met in school etc. But he's my guy. We have a fabulous life. Our kids are bright and friendly and good people. We're close with family and have lots of amazing friends. We have fun experiences, go abroad, to festivals, enjoy spending time together and apart.

Maybe it's just different to what you had in mind but please embrace it and enjoy it.

🤣🤣🤣 it protects both partners.

Why do you need to point that out?

Marrying at that age, isn't the worst thing in life.

I can appreciate your feeling re his name. It's a big, unexpected change. Could he retain his own name, adding it to the MIL name? It's the norm in Italy for women to keep their surname after marriage

They both sound pretty great tbh. Let him live his own way, there are so many different ways to be happy.
If you changed your name when you got married then YABU on that front.

A) not necessarily
B) women own names as well as men. Her mother’s birth name was her mother’s name. You don’t have to go back to find whichever man gave it to her.

The extrapolation of this is that I should be perfectly happy to identify as related (by contract) to the world to DH’s father than my own. Fuck that.

I think the name was chosen because the mother passed, not to own the patriarchy?

I'm pointing out its not the feminist mic drop the daughter in law thinks it is.

You don't actually know that.

Are you just desperate to point out the male origins of names? We're aware of the patriarchy thanks.

And?

her late mums maiden name, is her grandfathers name.

I read a post last night where a 22 year old bloke was sitting up petrified of being forced to go and get his boots dirty in Iran.

Maybe be glad that your kid has an ounce of common sense and reality 😂

I wish I had met and married my DH earlier. We could have travelled a lot more together before we had Children and STILL had Children younger than we did which means we would have fitted a whole lot more life in together by the age we are now and would be looking forward to a retirement with independent children at a younger age.

To be honest OP, I think that you are being unreasonable.
It's very touching that they will both take her late Mum's maiden name, and it sounds like they are a lovely young couple with their heads screwed on.

I think this is a great chance for him OP. I’m in my mid 40s and divorced (from someone I met when I was 28) and it is very much my regret that I didn’t marry my first boyfriend.

Gross. I can tell you are one of those boy mums. I say this as a mum to a grown son too. I married at 22 and so was my DH. We’re still married. Get a grip OP.

YNBU, but then I get it’s ok to be a little concerned, since you always worry and hope for the best for your kids. But from what you’ve said they’ve been together for a while and he's starting a career. And regarding the name change that’s his choice. So he seems to be on a good path so what more could you want? I’d rather this than a son with no prospects who stays at home into his thirties. You should be glad and proud got his life sorted.

Not refuting what the OP is saying but you just can’t win can you?
•Women should change their name to their husband’s name; but
• They should also all keep their own names and give their children the maternal name as anything else is unfeminist
• Double barrelling is a good option
• Double barrelling is ridiculous as your child will find it too long and then what happens when they have their own children? how long will these names get?

At the same time,
• getting married young is ridiculous and it’s not 1950 anymore
• but also you need to make sure you’re not a 30 year old who is unmarried and lives with their parents, as this is pathetic
• people shouldn’t have children in their twenties as they are unlikely to be stable
• if they leave it too late it’s their fault if they have fertility issues

I reckon really, if they seem happy, like they have a vague life plan, go for it?

With the little you've shared, many congratulations to having a son and his soon-to-be bride who are on the path to success but are also all about family. I'd be so proud and do everything I could to be there for them as they need me to be.

It has protections for the partner with less money. Thank heavens it’s 2026 and nothing means this has to be the woman.