AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

Well unfortunately there's a huge chance they'll be divorced in 5-10 years, and he can take his family name back then.

What’s wrong with marrying your first and only partner? It’s worked out fine so far for me and DH. Been together over 27 years, married for 25 years. We were 20 and 22 when we married in our final year of university.

But you change much more from your teens twenties until your middle aged years.

And the OP's son didn't meet & get with his fiancée in his 20's but when he was 15/16 - that's the issue not getting married at 23. Everyone seems to keep missing this and focussing on him being 23 rather than the fact they are each marrying their first and only partner.

I am struggling too. Everyone changes all their life. We don’t reach age 35 and stop changing. So I am also strugglng with the rationale that says someone is too young to marry because they will change and that this change will definitely mean they won’t love their husband or wife anymore.

I’ve changed too (married at 22 still married to same man at 68) - so has he. Still no regrets about marrying the man I met when I was 19. We’ve grown and changed together - and sure there have been tough times but we have got through them. I’m really struggling with the idea that adults at 23 are too young to make this life choice.

Well obviously but thats the point- it’s 50:50. No reason at all to suggest that someone at 23 is in any way too young to get married and is likely to have a worse marriage outcome than someone at 33 or 43. It is just chance whether you grow together or apart during your lifetime.

Same risk in any marriage though.

I married at 23 to my then boyfriend from the age of 16.
We have been married 46 years this year and I changed my name 😃

I’ll get torn to shreds for saying this but, say something to him tactfully, OP. I think you might regret it later, if you don’t. I’m getting major ‘appeasing the woman he loves’ vibes from this though of course, I hope I’m wrong.

Both are possible.
My parents married early 20's, still happily married in their 70's. My 2 friends who married early 20's are now both divorced, they changed and grew apart

Well that’s great for you but it’s not the same for everyone! What I’m saying is that what & who I liked 20 years ago, is nothing close to what & who I like now and I imagine the same would apply to men!

Why? I am a different person to who I was at 22 but so is my husband - we aged together. We grew closer together not apart

Presumably so they have a 'family name'.
DH wouldn't have minded taking my name, or me taking his. But it was very important to us that we had the same name as each other and as our children

My surname from birth isn't very nice, both my brother and I got bullied for it. Neither of us wanted our children to go through this, so I changed mine to my husbands and my brother changed to his wife's name.

No, you met the societal expectation because you were born with a vagina. Good girl!.

I think those of us that push back at such sexist traditions would be burned at the stake were it still allowed.

No I’m with you, OP. My mum got married at 22 (back in 1967) and whilst their marriage did last until my dad passed, she absolutely thinks she got married far too young.
I’ve changed SO much since I was 22/23. If I’d been married then, I’d almost certainly be divorced now regardless of how in love we were as I’m just not the same person I was back then.

You’ve missed my point. Doesn’t matter what name she chooses for herself.

I could call myself Lightbulb, Tulipsniffer or Murgatroyd and nobody has any right to an opinion on that.

Because he loves her? And it’s about time we swapped the nonsense back to not only keeping the male surname?

Would you say that to a daughter? My maiden name didn’t particularly mean anything to me and was happy to change it

Presumably she already is using her mother's name if she wants to change it to her mother's maiden name?

I think the name was chosen because she thinks it will make them more interesting.

I'd be more upset at my son telling me his name means nothing to him than the changing of it to be honest - that is incredibly hurtful.

Can you confirm when we will consider names to belong to women in the way they apparently do for men, please? Had expected it would be far before 2026 but it seems not. This decade, do we think? Is it that we can’t be trusted with them or something? Is it not time to let this sexist bollocks go now?

The name thing seems daft-I get challenging the patriarchy, but keeping a name/taking a mum's maiden name, well that was still a male name carried down the male line until then.
If she was known (professional/Lady something etc) maybe that's different, but otherwise I don't think it's a big deal.
Marrying young? People used to, and it worked out better. Plus you're more likely to be able to be involved with your grandkids, if they have them, so as long as she's nice, this I's celebrate.

When I divorced (twenty years ago), my children asked if they could take my name. The problem was that I was totally bushed (divorce) and said that it was something to deal with at a later date. They still have his ridiculous surname as do I. I wish that I had made the change, but it was a step too far then.

Are they putting something in the water in your local area or what?

Any one of us could choose a different name for any reason or none in the next 5 minutes because we feel like it. Snarking about a young woman who has faced a significant loss choosing that name as her own is pretty disgusting.

And your comment about cultural appropriation is so far off the mark as well. The son wants to share a name with his wife. He doesn’t care what it is, but it is important to her to use her mother’s name. So that’s what he is changing to.

sounds like she is doing it to have a cooler more interesting surname than her current surname.

Could be argued your son changing his name to the Italian one is cultural appropriation.

Seems to me like a the relationship is her way or the high way, which id be slightly worried about.