AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

Did you change your name?

I need to ask my parents if they’re upset I married at 24 and took my husbands name..

You big Wally.

Of course it’s so hard when your little boy grows up but be proud of who he is and get busy pretending you are ecstatic. My in-laws weren’t and while they have many reasons to love me these days I couldn’t say we were close and that is their loss.

Is it because he’s taking her mums name by any chance? Is there jealousy? If he were taking your maiden name would you be upset?

Not a judgement on how you feel but wondering what you would have preferred for them both? Longer together but engaged? Or son having other relationships/experiences first?

I can understand the surname thing but suppose it is what mothers of girls experience all the time for centuries. It’s quite progressive.

Is it more about the relationship itself you are concerned?

You will most likely be a young granny so id look forward to that maybe?

i will be 90 if mine have kids ( don't think they will )

lots of blokes are changing their name to their wives name so no guarantees there

I think you would do well to reflect on every reason you have to be so proud of your son. He sounds amazing. Good job.

I would absolutely love for this to be happening to my son, who I doubt will ever have a relationship or get married. So on that basis, YABU. He is happy. He sounds like he is thriving in his career.

It's fine for him to change his name. And it's fine for a women to change her name. Both are fine as long as neither person feels pressured. I took my DH surname as its much nicer than my maiden name. And my brother took his wife's name for same reason.

DH and I both changed our names to my mum's maiden name when we got married. His first name didn't work with my surname, and my first name didn't work with his. We wanted a shared surname if we had children. We've been married 33 years now.

Same my parents got married in the 80s at 18 and 19 and are still together.

Can’t see the issue, if he’s happy and they’ve been together a good while. whats the issue with being young-ish (for today, he'd have been married at 21 or younger a few generations back) would you rather he wait till he’s 40 and then you’re too old to be an active granny? Look on the bright side OP!

The changing name is perhaps a bit outside the norm, but why not. Women do it every day. In fact, DH and I should have done that, my family name was well known and respected in our industry, should have got him to take my name, it’d have done our business a world of good!

We were 24 and 26, still married over 30yrs on.

YABU about the surname- it’s just a name, it won’t change anything

I agree they are young to get married by current standards- but my mum got married at 23 (Dad 25) in 1980 which was completely normal then, and they are still together.
Anyway if it doesn’t work out what’s the worst that can happen? Divorce isn’t a taboo these days

People saying they wouldn't want their kids getting married at that age what would you rather your kid to marry at 23/24 to someone they have been in a relationship with for nearly 10 years or for them to marry in their 30s to someone they've only been with for a year

They’ve been together for years. You changed your name @Cathryoi I’m guessing when got married

I think it’s a lovely idea to change to her mums name

dont push them away

I got married at just 24 first time round thought I knew it all. He’s an adult and if mistakes are being made then step up at that time and be there. Until then, enjoy his life. How wonderful he may have met his one true love so young, at least he’s not off gallivanting and sowing his seed all over the show. I hope you all have a lovely wedding x

Yanbu op, I took my dh’s name and only later thought it was so sad our name (my maiden name) was nearly gone. I’d agree be happy for him, chances are they’ll do the stuff you wanted him to experience together and he’ll be as happy.

Well, it’s nice to see someone challenging the patriarchy by not automatically expecting the woman to take his name for a change.

I don't think 23/24 is young to get married. Its their decision on their name and I can understand why she wants this to honour her late mum.

I think it’s very touching that they’re both taking on her late mother’s name. Clearly a lot of thought and love has gone into that decision.

I’m afraid it says a lot about you that you object to the name change, and possibly what you think about her. It sounds like you’re wanting him to sow his wild oats.

YANBU I’d be secretly gutted if my child got married so young.

However, divorces exist so it’s not like they’re tied to each other for life.

Plus there are a lot worse things he could be doing with his life.

He seems like he’s got a good head on his shoulders and this is what he wants to do with his life.
It might not be what you have chosen but that’s ok.

Be happy for him and be proud that he’s doing so well in life.

I’ve been with my husband for 23 years, been together since we were 14 and married at the same age as your son.
I’m a female and changed my surname.
Both me and my husband have careers in the public sector (I qualified as a nurse at 21 and he got his job in IT at 22, both of us worked from 16). Saved for our mortgage and got our home at 23 also.
Very happy in our marriage! He’s my soulmate and we have grown up together.
I feel privileged that I met my person at a young age.
Getting married at that age hasn’t stopped me doing anything I want.

The only thing I feel that has restricted me or stressed me is my career choice as a nurse!

I cannot understand why you would want something different for him. He is going to have a great job, he has found a partner who he loves and wants to commit to. He is clearly a respectful and considerate man in taking her mum's maiden name. He is doing brilliantly! It's sad that you aren't fully backing him and appreciating how great he seems.

Dh and I got married when he was 24 and we’d only been together 3 years, with 2 of those years being long distance, opposite sides of the world. I was also 7 years older than him! 30 to his 24 and made it very clear that the time for babies was soon because of a natural career break.

His family was very polite, but must have been slightly aghast. 18 years later, we are still very happily married with a lovely family life.

I think it’s lovely they are all changing their names though. I changed my name to honour Dh’s dad who’d passed away so our dc would all have his family name.

I don't understand at all why you feel 'sad'?

Your ds was lucky enough to meet someone and fall in love at a very young age. They've managed to sustain their relationship through some of the most challenging years (teenage into adulthood).

What did you imagine for thier life? That's they'd be fucking around with other people? Experimenting, breaking each other's hearts? Getting married at 23 doesn't mean anything different for the rest of their lives, except that they've made a legal commitment to each other. One that they seem well prepared to make. They may decide to start trying for a family as soon as they are married. But they may have had a baby anyway before being married. It is possible that their marriage may not last. But would your ds's heartbreak be any the less if they were unmarried?

What is the basis for your 'sadness'?

As for the name change. I think it is great that rather than fall into some kind of convention (she takes his name / they have seperate names [with all the complications that happen if they have kids], they have some complicated double barrel name), that they have thought about it maturely and are taking on a shared name that is important. Well done them.