AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

I was 22 when we married, DW was 21. We celebrated our 30th anniversary last year. Wouldn't change it even if I could turn back time. Be happy that they're happy.

23 isn't that young to be getting married. Nothing wrong with marrying at that age either. It's not like he is jumping into a new relationship, they've been together ages. Why do have problem with him changing his surname?

They are not that young and so what if he changes his name on marriage.

Did you keep your surname OP?

The name wouldn’t bother me but getting married at 23 to someone been with from school would

I know a few couple they hit there 40’s and one of them feels they’ve never lived and missed out on late teenage early 20’s life experiences and the marriage hits the rocks

How do you actually feel about them as a couple? They've been together a long time, are they well matched? Some people do just meet someone they can happily spend all their life with earlier than others. Please don't let him know how you feel. We got married at 23 and 24 and my mother in law cried and told everyone how my husband was ruining his life and I was trapping him into marriage when he was too young to know what he was doing, he then didn't speak to her for 5 years. Her only issue with me that we could tell was he moved away from home to be with me (I had a permenant job, he did not and his area was struggling more economically so it made sense he be the one to move) and our age. Still happily together 18 years later and married longer than she was, but her feelings about us caused a lot of issues in their relationship for over a decade. She has since apologised but life would have been better for all if she'd at least pretended to be happy for him. Your feelings are valid, you're entitled to feel how you want, but process them away from him.

I was 21 when I got married , been together ,40+ years he's an adult , be happy for him

I feel for her (your son's partner) in losing her mum at a young age and not being able to have her at the wedding. I hope you'll step up and and be a nice mother-in-law for her.

Marrying around one's 24th birthday is not really young. We need to get past this extended Peter Pan-isation of things. And people changing their surnames when they marry is hardly unusual. Granted, I can see why one might be less likely to expect this in a son, but we live in a society where we're all better off not getting disappointed about that kind of thing.

I was pregnant and married at 23yo. Which I was perfectly happy about. Still married 25 years later. Your life doesn’t end when you’re married. Surnames are just a label. Changing it means nothing.

My parents got married when my dad was 22 and my mum was 24, they celebrated their golden anniversary last year, I went to school with a couple who got married when they were both 19, they celebrated their silver anniversary 3 years ago.

24 isn't young.

It's lovely they are choosing a new name together. He sounds great.

I know quite a few married in their 20s, including DH and ai. When you know you know. Good luck to them both.

He’s working, they have been together a long time. Engaged over a year it sounds like a good point to marry.
Due to his professional life he’ll be aware of differences of marriage v cohabitation (maybe just where I’ve worked over years but I’ve usually found solicitor colleagues opt to marry not cohabit)
I would wish them well and enjoy the wedding.

They sound like nice young people to me

DH and I were married when we were just 24. (he was 24 the week before our wedding). We've been married nearly 40 years now and together for 45. Looking back on all those happy years together, all the adventures and the ups and downs of life, all I can say is that it's a privilege to have so long together and I would do it all over again.

It's a good thing OP. They can experience all their lives together. When you meet someone you love isn't that all you can wish for?

He’s not that young!
He has a good job, he’s been with her years. I can’t think of a reason why they shouldn’t marry. I got married younger than your son. Still very happily married.
And taking a new surname is no big deal at all.

All children grow into adults who leave home and live their own lives. My adult children included. Your son has got a great job, a steady relationship that’s about to turn into marriage, life is good. The name change is what it is, it’s something they’ve decided together. They’re at the beginning of their journey, be happy for them, we were all young once. The only reason I can think of that I wouldn’t like a name change is for the family name to live on through children…we have all boys and my husband is rather proud that his family name lives on….but if that’s not issue , then I can’t see what difference it really makes. Sure it’s his history and name with you, but he’s embarking on a whole new family and history. I’m sure you’ll get used to it all , best wishes to you all 💐

There's nothing sad about building a stable relationship and choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone. 23 is not especially young to be getting married and, if anything, perhaps the marriage will allow them to support each other as they both develop and grow.

I genuinely don’t know anyone irl who has stayed with their partner since they were 15.

Wayne Rooney and Jamie Oliver are the only examples I can think of 😂

What is his fiance studying - also law?

My husband & I married at 27, still happily married 14 years later. Your son sounds like a lovely man with his head screwed on. Good job, long term relationship, happy getting married. Why should they be waiting?

Can’t see what the problem is. He’s an adult. I was engaged and married within 2 years. Both of us were 23. Been married almost 40 years. As for changing his name, that’s personal choice.

Will he keep his original surname for his professional title ? Loads of women do
If he's doing his solicitor training his current Law qualifications will be in his family name ?
Maybe his fiances mothers name will dwindle out if they don't carry it forward
Or he could double barrell .

23/24 is young but they sound solid ,

He sounds happy and successful. Why exactly do you have a problem with that?

Weird to be sad that your son’s happy.

He’s almost 24. He’s not a bloody child.

You feel how you feel but highly unreasonable in my view to take issue with him changing his surname. Was it fine for women to change their name to reflect their status as the property of men for hundreds of years? Would you feel similarly sad for her if she changed her name to yours? I doubt you would somehow.