AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

I’ve been with DH since I was 16. I’m 47 now, still happy together.

Just be there to pick up the pieces when he realises at 28 that he’s bored.

What's wrong with the man being submissive?

Everyone knows travelling with your soul mate is the best. I bet they have loads of great experiences together. Is that your only concern OP, or is there something else?

The surname thing is certainly unusual. I have often found it a little simpish and submissive for the man to take his wife’s surname but this is just odd

I don’t think 24 is young to be married. At 23 my DH and I were planning our first child. Your son has a good job and seems sensible not everyone wants to travel the world and wait till their 30s to get married.

I think any parent is setting themselves up for disappointment when they ‘picture’ what their child’s life will look like beyond wishing them health and happiness.

I have good friends who got married at the same age after being together for the same length of time. They're still each others best friends and they seem to have a lovely life together.

I think you're looking at it wrong op. Your son has luckily found someone lovely who he wants to be with forever and build a life with. If they make that work then that's a wonderful thing and doesn't mean he has to miss out on anything.

I would also say that as a woman who's divorced I absolutely loathe the fact women 'have' to take men's names. I had to pay to change everything the first time and then pay to change it all again when we split. Ex wasn't put out a penny in this regard. So I actually think it's great when couples now both combine names or similar so they're equally invested. And they've picked a name with lots of significance. I'd be so proud of him for being open to that.

I'd just be happy if my kids are happy. There's a lot of positives here too.

It’s very young but at least they have good career plans. Getting married at 22/24 with no career would worry me much more.

I can see why you're sad. It sounds like he's turning his back on his heritage in favour of hers, new religion, new name etc. But children have to choose their own path. You can be very proud of him pursuing what he wants, against convention really with the name. You'll always be his mum and he'll always love you.

If it’s worth anything, I’m not religious but my partner is - all the close couples we know seem pretty happy, including the younger ones. It’s not all doom and gloom, if it goes sideways they can always divorce.

YANBU on your feelings, I wouldn’t want DD to get married young either, but keep them to yourself. Fingers crossed they’ll be very happy together.

I think you’re being unreasonable but that is because both me and my husband were married when we were 18 and we’ve been happily married for 14 years now. I think I’m the luckiest person in the world to have found my life partner so early, I don’t see why this is a problem!?

Well if she's that Catholic - maybe they're doing it to have sex? On the positive side, if it's for that reason, they'll probably wait a while to have kids. These days most young catholics tend to get married but then wait until currently average age i.e. 30ish to have babies.

This is a good point. Becoming a grandmother at fifty-something or sixty-something is a whole different experience than becoming a grandmother in your seventies or eighties. My youngest child graduates from high school the year I turn fifty, so I’m hoping I’ll have a grandchild by age sixty and s/he can remember Grandma YankSplaining as a vibrant older woman, not someone who was too old and infirm to play or go places.

How absolutely lovely to take her DM's birth name.

They could still go travelling etc Me and DB both quit our jobs in our late 20s to do so together

I did :). Been together over 40+ years. As did our school mates who we are still friends with

I got married at 23, and we're still married over 20 years later. For us, it was nothing to do with wanting to start a family when we were that young - we were married for over a decade before having our son. We just got married because we knew we wanted to be married, and whatever life threw at us we'd be happier muddling through it together. My mum was a bit surprised at the news I guess, but if anyone felt sad about it, I'm glad they managed not to show it! It was right for us, and I very much hope it will be for your son and his fiancée.

I’d be more worried about the devout Catholicism to be honest. But I suspect the reglion Is part of this.

on saying that my friends child is getting married and is 23, she’s 21. They feel the same, neither are religious, but honestly they are great together, in it for the long term so my view is be happy for them.

I d be proud I’d raised a man who was not afraid of commitment, had a great career planned and was taking his soon to be wife very seriously with the name change.
Be happy! He’s 23 not 18.

They can have lots of experiences together.

What is it that you imagined for him? He would leave this girl, meet a lawyer and marry her in 10 years and she would take your name?

I married at 22 because we were from different countries and marrying while dh was studying in europe at 24 made it easier for us to return to uk under eu freedom of movement law. I gained my eu residence card when the uk voted for brexit but was able to gain settled status. In retrospect, it was good i did what i did as nigel farage wants to revoke indefinite leave to remain so if i didnt do it this way i could well be deported as my country doesnt allow dual citizenship.

I only had DS 1 year shy of my 10 year wedding anniversary so marrying early didnt mean having a child early, i was 32.

My inlaws got married at 21 and 26 respectively, having been together for 3 years, and will celebrate their diamond wedding anniversary this year. They're perfect for each other, really sweet together and have over 60 years' worth of memories created together travelling, hiking, camping and climbing all over the UK , Europe and quite a bit elsewhere in the world. They also managed to raise a good 'un that I've been with for over 15 years (married for 10).