AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

I find it fascinating that so many people think 23 is so terribly young! They're adults, not teens.Perhaps not marrying stunts people's growth when they go about life thinking of themselves as 'too young' to marry and that's why we have such ridiculous influencers and reality tv shows. It's only in the recent past that 23 became 'young', so most of human history tells us that it's fine to get married then. Why wouldn't you want an adult to behave in a way that is fully adult?

Yes, because they’ll just be hanging around waiting for you to make up your mind, won’t they? Assuming we are still talking about people not consumables.

Nothing stopping you going back to the first one if you find you prefer it, once you have some basis for comparison.

Not every young person is immature. Not every immature person makes bad decisions. If two people genuinely love and like each other it can work. There are a lot of things I’d change about the decisions I made as a teen/young adult. Staying with my DH isn’t one of them.

Shame if you taste the other wines and realise you preferred the first one…

If you wouldn’t settle down with the first person you’re with, that’s absolutely fine. But it works for some people. It’s weird to assume that grown adults with proper jobs aren’t able to know their own minds about these things.

Or two immature people make a bad choice because of inexperience, smother each other’s development and discover they’re very different people, really.

But if you love the bottle you have, you never need to bother tasting any others. It doesn’t matter what it cost or what anyone else thinks of it.

If you get married young, you get to grow up together, forging a stronger relationship. If you wait, it’s a lot harder to meld two separate lives together.

It’s the analogy to wine that falls a bit short.
Partners are not commodities to be consumed.

You can know when you have a life partner without going through a bunch of rubbish partners first.

Just like you can know your partner is abusive without having already been a victim of domestic abuse before.

You can know a good friend from a bully without having experienced either one before too.

If you’ve never tasted any wine but one, then you can’t possibly have the slightest idea whether your one wine is a plonk for a fiver or a vintage Côtes du Rhône.

I always feel sad when someone gives up their name on marriage, male or female. I could never imagine giving up my name..other than that I don't see what there is to be sad about.

And? Still struggling to understand the reasoning. Why do you need to experience a relationship with another person if you hit the bullseye the first time?

I don’t need to sample a bottle of £5 wine first to appreciate a bottle of £200 wine. I know when something tastes good.

This… dh and i have been together since uni, married at 24… my “bff”( or as I thought )was derogatory and awful, constantly saying are you sure?! Is this it for you? Even on our bloody wedding eve.. we’re now hurtling to 40.. she’s still single as no one has ever made the grade for her… she always wanted minor landed gentry/army officer/dr/lawyer… never happened

So you think it would be better to shag around, get to age 35/40/older and wish you’d stayed with your first partner?

A good relationship is worth it, regardless of when it starts.

Because you haven't experienced a relationship with anyone else, your experience is limited to one person.
And you will both grow and change a lot over time and you may well grow apart.

But I have been on MN long enough to know that big age gap relationships are always perfect as are relationships that began when both participants were teenage.
It's part of MN folklore.

You can think that, but long term studies have shown that young couples in their first marriage are no more likely to divorce than older couples in their first marriage. The risk of divorce goes up with each successive marriage.

Why? I don’t get why you would be more likely to think what if at that point if you have a happy marriage.

For all those posters coming on and saying they met the love of their life at 15 and are still together that's great, I'm glad it has worked out for you.

I still think, however, that if you do settle down with your first teenage boyfriend/girlfriend there is more likelihood of one or both of you getting into your 40s/50s and wondering what if? Or possibly before that if you have kids & those years are tough.

Why do I need to compare when I've found someone who loves me as much as I do them, treats me incredibly well and is just an all round fabulous person?

I don’t really agree. I think Ive changed very little since I met my husband at 17. I still hold exactly the same views about almost everything, still like the same music, still have the same political views, and my husband is much the same. If you meet the right person, I don’t think it matters how young or old you are or how many previous relationships they’ve had - if you’re lucky enough to find the right person for you, the age doesn’t matter

That’s not really true. You have a basis for comparison in terms of ideals and what you have been taught are hallmarks of a healthy relationship. You also have the comparison you can draw from the couples around you and their relationships.

You don’t need to fuck around to find out that you have found your person.

Because you’re committing to someone you’ve been with since you were fifteen or sixteen, with no basis for comparison.

What is the issue with marrying your first and only partner?
To me they have been in a successful long term relationship for at least 7 years. That is more than enough time to know of you want to marry or not.

What on earth makes you think she just wants an interesting name? That's so dismissive.

Do you think women who change names are saying that thier previous names mean nothing?

If you meet young, you can grow together. It's not a given that they will grow apart as they get older. My parents married at 21 - they had 55 wonderful years together. I met my dh at 18 - we've had our ups and downs (as does everyone) but have been mostly happily married for 26 years now.
Anyone can grow apart from a spouse, whether they marry at 23 or 43.

If it ain't broke don't fix it!

We are definitely not the same people we were as young teens or mid twenties. We’re in our mid/late 30s now.
Still very much in love, sex has got better in our 30s!
We often say to each other that we are lucky we found each other early on! It’s a positive rather than a negative! We’ve grown up together! Our relationship isn’t hard work, we don’t have baggage from previous relationships.
We have our own group of friends and some mutual friends.

We’ve got friends who are late 30s/early 40s who are still trying to find their person and I really wouldn’t want to change places with them as it’s tough!