AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

I got married age 24 during my training contract! I qualified at a top city firm and have now been married for 12 years this winter. We have two kids and a good marriage! I disagree that 24 is too young - let them make their own choices!

And you’re a know it all so we’re as bad as each other : )

I got married at 23 and just celebrated 11 years married (12 years altogether) a few days ago. Times are tough and marriage with two kiddos can be very hard, but have never once regretted getting married at that age. And while I can understand the surname change being difficult- it's his choice! I mean how often do you really call your son by his full name, so much so that it's bothering you this much? ( Not meant to sound rude btw) I went against the cultural norm with my last name and lo and behold 11 years later, noone gives a furry crack of a rats behind what my name is these days lollll

I couldn't have cared less about the name but I do think 23 is far too young to get married, I'm afraid. I wouldn't want my daughter to get married until she's at least 30.

I know it's not a popular opinion on here but I think you don't know your own mind at 23, and being yoked to another person who will limit your growth at that age is to be avoided.

Having said that they are adults and he's chosen to do this. And he sounds sensible and like he knows his own mind. So you have to make the best of it. Who knows, it may work out and it sounds like they are giving it their best shot.

Maybe she dislikes her father so doesn’t want to enter married life having his name. That’s the reason a lot of women give for taking their husbands name.

I find worrying about a 23 year old never having had a relationship is just as weird as OPs concern.

Well of course you think that. You’re a misogynist.

Well my friend got married at 19 and has just celebrated her golden wedding! 23 is really not that young. I’m more worried about my DS who’s 23 and never been in a relationship. As for changing his name, you’re being ridiculous sorry. Women do that all the time.

My husband is one of three brothers, all of whom married at 21. Two of them have passed their golden wedding anniversary and the youngest will reach it next year. He and his wife were teenage sweethearts too, having started going out together at 16.

I completely understand OP. In my opinion they’re both too young. By the time they’re 43, they’ll be sick of each other and they’ll realise they have no experience of love or lust or sex with anyone else and be hankering after something new.

Changing their names to her mothers maiden name is also odd. I understand not wanting to change your name - but why not keep their current names?

Everyone saying their parents married at 20 and are still blissful, I get it, my parents are too. But the world is a very different place to what it was in the 70s and 80s.

YANBU. You're entitled to feel the way you do. You love your child and have concern.

To me that is quite young to get married. But I have seen plenty of marriages succeed from that age and equally I've seen plenty fail when the partners marry older. To me, I'd want them living life, exploring the world first before massive commitments of marriage, mortgage, babies. There is time for everything but not all at once. In saying that your dc sounds level headed and sensible. If you show negativity about this marriage you may lose him. So no more than; are you sure, you both have plenty of time?

As for the surname. That's weird to me. I would use the late mother's name for a baby, first or middle, depending. And I guess he is in love so wants to make his wife-to-be happy. I'd probably explain to him how I feel but reiterate that you respect his choice. Slap that smile on your face with gritted teeth! Think, it's no different to a daughter changing her name for marriage.

Be happy for them and try to focus on the good stuff and there is plenty!

Would you be upset if your daughter changed her surname? I honestly don’t see the issue with them being married young. If they know they want to be together long term I see no issue. I know plenty of people that married somebody they met in their teens / at uni.

He sounds like a lovely and sensible young man! You’ve done a great job.
He’s on the path to a great career.
Getting married to his long term partner at a sensible age. Perhaps old fashioned, but a lot of people do ‘settle down’ quite late now. I think early 20s is a very sensible time to get married. Best for women’s fertility etc which declines a bit at 30 and quite rapidly after 35.
Sounds like he’ll be a great husband if the first step into it is saying no to the patriarchy.
I’m really not sure what your issue is? You should be very proud!!!

They’ll just experience things together. If they are suited and happy and religious then I can’t see any reason not to marry.

I suppose I meant in the last couple of decades. It was more common in the past. I think it’s still pretty common in bible belt USA.

We’ve been together since 17&18, married at 23/24, first child at 27. It’s a case of grow up together or grow apart. I can think of several couples who’ve been together for similar length of time (16 years now). Depends where you’re based as well because from what I’ve heard getting married that young in London is unheard of.

I know this is rage bait but still, I was a bit sick in my mouth reading that

My DH turned 22 the day before we got married, we are the same age. Married 26 years this year. Even more unusually, he proposed 3 weeks after our first meeting and we married only after a few months. Best decision ever.

What can't he experience if he is married? I mean he can't sleep around with multiple people unless they have an agreement. He can still go abroad. He can still go clubbing. He can have shots to the point that he throws up. He can get an internship in different city. He can have lads holidays.

If that is something he wants, he can do that. If he wants to get married at 23, I doubt he is looking forward to living single life. Marriage doesn't have to be a prison. They can do stuff together or separately.

Oh goodness he sounds like a wonderful young man OP! I understand your worries but a life of travelling the world isn't for everyone. And who is to say he won't do something later on with his wife?

The husband taking his wife's name or the wife just keeping her own name isn't that unusual now tbh - and the circumstances of their name change are just so heartfelt and emotive - it's a wonderful tribute to her Mum. Like I said, your DS must be a wonderfully supportive man to support his fiance this way.

I have grown up DCs and I have had doubts about their life choices at times (and relationships!) but they need to figure things out for themselves. It's hard when you want the best for them but your best isn't always what theirs is, if you see what I mean?!

If you like her, unless you are hoping they will break up, what is it that you really want? You think he should break up we ith a lovely smart hard-working person to sow his wild oats? That's a bit yucky.

If they are committed to staying together long term, and making joint decisions about career, housing and such, which is likely the case now that they are moving out of the first part of their education, then it makes sense to get married. That commitment is fundamentally the point. And if they don't want that they shouldn't be making such weighty decisions together.

That's because you're riddled with misogyny :)

They can experience the world together. And if they split in future so what? It's not necessarily worse because they will be married.

If they get on well he's going to get more enjoyment from experiencing the world together than apart. Marriage doesn't have to mean slippers and songs of praise and immediately having 2.1 children, they can still travel, develop and explore and in so many ways it's a lovely feeling to have the security of having your best friend and person beside you through all those experiences. There's nothing he can't do married that he could do before except the obvious bits of dating other people.

Quite a lot of our trainees and newly qualified lawyers in the past few years have been in long term relationships, engaged or married. I thought youngsters were meant to be leaving it later to settle down but that’s not what I see around the office. I had a few pals that married their high school boyfriends after uni. Wouldn’t have been my choice but not unheard of and 23 is young but not exceptionally so. As for the surname, I wouldn’t care. I changed my name when I married and my parents weren’t upset. My daughter and son can do what they want in that regard, as I did.