AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

I got married at 23 too. People I barely knew advised me not to go through with it or that we should separate and live our lives for a while before we were ‘ready’. I never went back to that hairdressers again and it leaves a sour taste with the people I do still see now and again,17 years later. I’m glad no one I really cared about shared their advice with me if they had the same doubts you do. I hope your son and his fiancée live happily ever after and that these worries will be a distant memory for you one day.

Why is it odd when a man does it but not when a woman does?
I suppose it's just tradition, and people's heads "explode" when they try to get their head round a man giving their name up.
(I'm getting more liberal in my old age as I get where you're coming from as when I was younger I remember thinking it was weird when a female colleague and her husband got married and he took her name!)
Now though, I think so what? What's the difference?
23 isn't a child though to get married, I bought my own house and moved in with now DH at that age.

Hmmm I find these posts saying the son is being refreshingly progressive, standing up to the patriarchy, pretty weird.

Since when is becoming a conservative Catholic a gesture against patriarchy?

I didn't change my own name on marriage and I do find it a little sad when women change theirs. I would never say so to him, but DS has my name and if he one day said he wasn't bothered about it anymore, yes I'd be sad in my head. That would be a name I'd given him and what was on his BC, all his firsts using that name. Yeah, I'd be a bit sad.

Oh fgs

Yes my love. You are being wildly unreasonable.

Your son sounds like an absolute credit to you.

Bask in that.

This. It sounds like your lovely son has his head screwed on OP and is building a beautiful life. You're gaining a daughter - and you should be so excited for them OP!

I would be proud that you've raised a responsible man who is clearly focused on his career and settling down. Hes not 19, hes been with her for nearly a decade, and is considerate enough to understand her late mums name means a lot to her.
I wouldn't be anything other than proud.

@VillageFete sometimes couples pick a new surname on marriage, rather than each keeping their own, picking one of their existing names, or double barrelling.

If they both like the late mother’s birth surname, that seems a good choice, no?

Ges and his future wife are both changing their names to the bride to be's mothers maiden name.

I don’t understand why your son wants to change his surname to his soon to be wife’s mother’s maiden name. I find it odd.

I understand the soon to be wife wanting to keep her own name, or even changing her surname to that of her late mother’s, but can’t get my head around your son?

I understand OP. It does seem young in this day and age and you’re obviously quite surprised by their decision/decisions - but hopefully it all works out beautifully.

If you think they truly love each other, that should be enough reassurance for you imo.

Just because they’re going to be married doesn’t mean they can’t still have adventures together.

I understand where you’re coming from. I have more than one son, but the eldest announced he and fiancée were making a new surname out of both of their surnames. I’ll be honest, we weren’t happy about it as you see your family line disappearing and like you said, GC with different names. We did discuss it with them and they decided to double barrel instead.
I’m also aware that I was being a bit hypocritical because I was sorry when my surname disappeared when I married DH. But whatever the rights and wrongs, you’re entitled to feel a bit sad!

Isn't the tide turning with the younger generation with earlier marriages? It's weird for a lot of us who grew up in a time of protracted "youth", but I don't think it's a bad thing in itself.

Ummm, they're not that young, and it's nice to see a man changing his surname upon marriage.

YABVU.

I got married at 23 and changed my surname. I come from a small family whose name is dying out. Only difference is I'm a woman. I wanted my family to share a surname and preferred dh's. We're about to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary and have had a wonderful time together. Still in love and strong. Marrying dh was the best decision I made and I'd have missed out on far more by not doing this than doing it. I feel very fortunate

I’d be proud to have raised a feminist man who’s not afraid of commitment! (But I might try and convince him to keep our shared name as a middle name as I’m needy)

So he will be about to turn 24?
Whilst 24 is on the younger side nowadays I still think it’s a normal and okay age to get married.

I would say most people in my friendship group and wider circle got married between 27-28 which isn’t really that much older.

What do people think the ‘right’ age is? (I appreciate it’s very subjective!)

He's not your baby any more.

I think with the surname, I guess DS is my only son and I always imagined having the same surname as my grandchildren!

Even if your DS wasn’t changing his name, she might have kept hers and given it to the children (if any)

Not to pick on you specifically as there are others with this sentiment but…

I find the handwringing so odd. Here we have a young couple who love each other enough to want to commit through marriage. And the reaction is disappointment and concern? Why do we have to infantilise people like this?

As if having meaningless sex on dating apps and being ghosted is the highlight of people’s lives. Unless they were toxic toward each other it’s a bit much

The name thing is more unusual than the age, and I understand that combined with the religious conversion that might make you worry that you’re losing him?

How does he seem? Does he seem happy? Does he seem like he’s doing all the compromising and trying to make it work for her, or does it seem equal and like she’s trying just as hard to make him happy? Either way, as others have said, no good will come from expressing your concerns to him/her. But be ready to be supportive no matter what and let him know you’ll always be there.

Surnames don't really mean as much, women have 'given them up' for years. The idea that they are choosing a new name for their new family is a good one. It sounds very balanced. You however, seem to be acting over the top. He's getting.married, perhaps a little young, but he's obviously got a direction he's heading in, ambition and drive. There's a reason why he wants to start his own family, perhaps that he's just doing normal things and that is making you sad - he's pulling away from an overbearing parent by the sound of it.

Exactly this! My grandchildren don’t have my surname or my blood as they’re my DSD’s children. They’re still my grandchildren!

that's really mean!!!

What a mature young man you have raised! A solid career plan, a long term relationship with someone he truly knows, embracing commitment - many young men could learn from him and be happier for it! Give yourself a pat on the back and tell your son how proud you are of him.