AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

My brother and his wife got married at 23. Had kids in mid 20s, been lucky enough to take early retirement, kids flown the nest. They are both still in good health and living their best lives.
I think it’s the best way to do it!

Got married at the same age as your son, we were still both at uni. Started family shortly afterwards. When you know - you know, it is rare these days, in the age of fake feelings and online
distortion of all sorts - you should be happy for him OP.Life was tough at first, but at the same time it is so much easier when you are you growing up together. Our bond is unbreakable. The fact that both of our parents stood by our decision made us respect them more. We are in our early fourties now with established careers, lifestyle and do not have to deal with the stress of wedding, getting on a property ladder and small children anymore. Most of our contemporaries who married and started building their lives together in their mid thirties are under a lot more stress and pressure.

Don’t care how young they marry. But changing his name. Out of the question, especially if your’s is an old distinguished name and her’s is something like Pratt, Dick, Tosser, etc where people marry to get rid of their name.

I got married at 23, still very happy 25 years later. Sometimes you just find the right person early.

As for giving up his name - women have been giving up their name for centuries, are you equally upset about that? Would you be as upset if your daughter (real or hypothetical) gave up her name?

I think the name thing is a great idea. I often wish we had chosen a name that was not a patriarchal / inherited last name (but like having the same name for both parents and kids) without having to quadruple-barrel names. As for getting married at 23: it's the perfect age for being bonded to the love of your life. Will it end in divorce? Maybe. But that's true for all marriages whatever the age of the people entering into it.

They’ve been together a long a time. No reason they shouldn’t get married. I got married at 25 (husband 26) we had been together since we were 18/19. I wish we’d been able to get married sooner.

If It were a daughter changing her name would it bother you??

Just curious. Do your daughters have the name you were born with? If not snd they have their fathers name then not wanting them to change names makes no sense.

It is young op I think I would feel similar. However many people marry young and it lasts. I think I would be wary as I realise I did know myself when I married in my twenties. I would worry one of them may realise they have missed out on some experiences by settling down young. I would keep quiet and hope they have a happy marriage. The name situation wouldn’t worry me at all I think it’s quite refreshing.

It is very young to be getting married by current trends but they have been together a long time. I can see why you’re concerned but it doesn’t mean all fun and freedom is over.

Re the name, unless you’d be equally disappointed about a daughter doing the same then you are being extremely unreasonable. Do you still have your origin name?

I do hope she is legally ringfencing any financial contribution if she will be solely funding a property purchase in the future and her religious beliefs don’t stop her doing this.

You should be happy for them both. 23/24 isn't that young and your son obviously has a sensible head on his shoulders. Not many people get to choose their own surname, but there is no reason why not.
Be happy for them, you have done your job and it sounds like you've done it well. Now they get to choose their own path and you should respect their choices. For what it's worth I think it's a rather lovely idea.😊

My husband and I kept our own names and our kids have his surname and my surname in that order hyphenated .

Agree with you OP, we change so much over our lives and that can mean that relationships grow apart too. I think it’s ultimately upto him but I agree, I wouldn’t be getting married at 23. I guess it works for some though…

You’re not sad at any of these things really, what you’re sad about is the next stage of life - a bit like when they start senior school you mourn the loss of plimsolls and walking them to school and doing projects and all through motherhood there are lasts - there’s the last time they ask if they can sleep out, the last time you pick them up from college - all decisions are final and it feels like each step forward for them is a step away from you and many many of us feel this too - but now is the time to start thinking about the firsts …. The first time your son will become a husband you gain a daughter in law, their first home, possibly a first grandchild in time.
life isn’t ending its enlarging it’s expanding and there’s so much joy to come, it’s ok to feel sad but let your excitement rise !!! Good times are coming for you all.

It will be ok.

Haven't RTFT.

I met my DH at 17, married him when I was 21 and he was 24.

We're still together 23 years later and love the life we've created together. If our parents had voiced their unhappiness at our relationship or marriage it would have tarnished things for me.

It’s their lives, theirs to live.

No it’s not ! Her name is the one she was born with .

I got married a couple of weeks after my 21st birthday and my husband was twenty two and a half. We were married just short of 49 years when he died. It was the best thing we ever could have done. We grew together and developed as a couple and individually.

Don't worry. Almost half of UK marriages end in divorce. You can look forward to it.

This is meant in the kindest way. Maybe this is not exactly what you wanted for your son but he is happy and surely that is what is important. My son had a girlfriend at 16, they were together for 2 years and then she finished the relationship. He hasn’t had a relationship since and would love to have another girlfriend.

It’s a massive turn off

Yes, but that’s what the OP doesn’t like — that he’s tied himself down to a life of monogamy with the same person he’s been with since he was 15! That he has literally no basis for comparison, that he committed to the first person he ever went out with etc. I don’t think she’s unreasonable to have reservations about this. And I say this as someone who’s been with my DH since our teens.

DH and I got married when we were both 22. We are about to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary (and we were engaged after only 5 months of dating). Your imagination has nothing to do with the life they choose for themselves.

I think with the surname, I guess DS is my only son and I always imagined having the same surname as my grandchildren!

You've clearly raised forward-thinking young people so your daughters if you have them may keep your surname and share it with your children. Even if that doesn't happen you are still connected to grandchildren by blood, shared culture and family history and that's more powerful than a name.

@PippaToryFripp We only had 16 guests at our wedding, but if anyone had taken offence at the fact we were Mr and Ms HisName-MyName they wouldn't have been worth the invite!

I’ve seen a groom take the brides names and the brides father and brother went mad, they didn’t want another ‘Mr Their name’ and took it very badly, the more they drank, they more vocal they got!