AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

As someone who married at 21, I don’t think YABU. Marriage lasted 2 years.

I don’t think my xh is a bad man and we’re still civil but in hindsight, we were both too young. He was older at 26.

I do look back and think had we married older, we probably would have stayed together longer.

I would hope my dc don’t follow my mistake.

Got married at 22, it’s our 40th next year!

I get you OP and I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I married young (around the same age as your son) and although we’re still together, I often wonder what if…? My parents were religious and insisted on marriage, they would have gone ballistic if DH and I had lived together.
We all worry about our children, even when they’re adults, but part of being a parent is cutting the cord and letting them make their own decisions. Who knows whether your DS is making the right decision, but I’m sure you’ll be there to pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong. I can see what you mean about the name change too. I think we all (as parents) imagine what things will be like when our kids grow up…but sometimes those well-meaning fantasies don’t become reality. Harsh I know (from experience), but true. Take care x

Well, to be fair, pretty much everyone of my generation got married at that age! And most of my friends of my age are still married to those they wed in their early twenties.
Had my DH not died, we'd just have celebrated 47 years together.

My sibling has been with their partner since they were 18. They married at 30, but were as good as married at 24 (bought their first home). Both doctors. Both now in their late forties. Very happy. So YABU, some people find their person young and don’t want to play the field.

YABVU about the name thing. How sexist. I bet you’d be fine with her changing her name to his. All these “family names” are equally meaningless. At least they’ve found one they both love. Stop being jealous.

There are a lot worse things your DS could be doing! And a lot worse women he could have decided to get involved with. I get why you think they seem too young but hopefully they will prove you wrong.

Young? 23 isn't young. Granted many if at all, arent getting married until late 20s, early 30s, however I don't see what your problem is.

They been together 7 years so it's a natural transition. It's hardly as it they are irresponsible and don't know each other. How old were you when you got married?

It's a name too. It doesn't matter. They are happy, healthy, and in your lives.

I think your more likely in living grief as to "where have the years flown" than anything.

The alternative is? It isn't worth thinking about or bearable. Enjoy and get web touring for your mom of the groom outfit.

I had great fun with that making a Pinterest board of my likes, and putting outfits together for my two sons weddings

If she had changed her name by deed poll, would that name not be her name?

If she had been adopted as a child, would the adopted family’s name not be her name?

If she leaves her driving license at the scene of a crime, can she say to the police, “no, that’s not me, my name’s Jane Smith, here’s my birth certificate. I’m afraid my husband Mr Jones isn’t home just now.” Will that fly, as Jane Jones isn’t her name, despite all official documentation that says it is?

Are you, perhaps, on glue?

Don't be sad, be happy for them. They have found their person in life, they are just lucky to have found it young. I was married at 23, and by 24 I was married with 3 kids under 3. That was 14 years ago. 😊

No different to me and DH picking any name and both changing to it. His wife to be wants to use that name and he wants the same name as his wife. Wouldn’t matter if she chose Smith, Bowie or Banana-Hammock.

I had a baby young and have been with my dh since the age of 18, and would find it very odd if someone felt sad for me.

I met my now husband at 15 , bought house at 18, became a mum at 19 and married at 20. Still together been married 24 years 2 adult DS and a gorgeous GC. I know my DH would have taken my family name if I had asked. But I love my married name.

Hang on s monute he's obviously happy, healthy, going places.. content and changing his name not his personality. What on earth is there to be sad about? He's still your son to be proud of.

As someone who married young (21) he was (23) and has been married 23 years, the age doesn't matter however why is your surname more important than her mums? As long as they're both happy, would this be an issue if your daughter was getting married?

I was 26 getting married and told DH that I would change my name if he did and it would have to be unrelated to either family. He didn’t want to, so neither of us changed our names. Married best part of 25 years and zero regrets. DD has my name and his as a middle name.

I thought you were going to say late teens! 23 isn’t bad at all and it’s his life. Can you try to be supportive of them rather than miserable?

I am quite puzzled by how many people are talking about “would you expect her to take his name- if it was your daughter would you feel this about the name etc”. He isn’t taking her name (which despite all the commentary would in itself be unusual), he is taking his dead mother in law’s maiden name. That is quite weird.

Is she estranged from her father?

Do you get a uniform to be a cheerleader for the patriarchy?

It isn’t, and absolutely shouldn’t be “out of the question” at all. Your attitude belongs in the 1850s.

I have a friend who is with her boyfriend from school. They have children and are now late thirties. They seem very happy. It sounds like you’ve raised an impressive young man.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel sad about your son marrying so young and changing his surname which is quite unusual for a guy to do I would have thought. Perhaps this is a modern thing that more men are doing now. I would imagine these are natural feelings and without knowing all the information there might be lots of good reasons to feel this way. I hope he will be very happy, and try to remember there’s a lot worse things he could be doing. He sounds like he is a hard working and very committed young man. I hope you are able to accept his choices and enjoy the wedding and supporting him as he follows his own path. I regret changing my surname as I later divorced and I do wish that someone had talked me out of it. Professionally it was a bit of a headache charging my name back again. I was 25 when I married and looking back I was very young. I’m not sure if your son will feel the same way or if he will be glad he changed his name and married young. If he is sure it is what he wants then I guess you cannot change this. It’s ok to feel this way and I hope talking about it has helped.

My MIL was upset when her son registered at the same GP practice as his wife and child and left the one where she was registered.. And people are surprised you're upset about surname change.

I understand it's a huge change ❤️

I got married at 21, my husband was 23 & this year we celebrate 44 years married. I know couples who got married in their 20s, 30s & 40s - some are still married others have split. Commitment & tolerance are needed in abundance whatever age you marry - having had their independence for a long time & being unable to compromise caused a split after a couple years with friends who married in their late 30s.

Christian marriages are among the most successful, and they often get married very young (by today’s standards).

I married at 23 and we’re still together nearly 26 years later. YABU to assume it will fail.

Nobody bats an eye when women say this is why they are taking their husband’s name…….. Good for him.