AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

I guess! If you go to a uni where the campus is out in the sticks you don’t have a lot of choice.

I suppose if you only socialise with fellow-vets that’s going to make for a rather homogeneous friendship group?

I am a solicitor. I started dating my husband when we were 14, we were engaged at 22 and married at 24 when I was a trainee. I’m now 36 and a senior associate - and we’re still very happily married. I am so grateful to have found the love of my life at an early age and to have had his support through the early years of my career. Plus, to be honest, my work is so busy I’m not sure how I would have met someone and settled down if I’d been single when I started life in a law firm.
Your son is making the decision that he feels is right for him.

Must depend on the circles you’re in then. As I say, we were last, and we’re all professionals (vets)

Yes, he'll be at most a few weeks off his 24th birthday. That's solidly mid 20s. True that it's younger than average to get married these days, but he's qualifying into a profession, will soon be buying a property... there's a lot of adulting going on here already.

I’d be so happy for my son. Successful education, found true love young and didn’t throw it away, mature enough to make a wonderful compromise with his name which must mean a lot to his future wife. He sounds happy, what more could you want as a mum?

It’s very young.

I’m in Ireland where the average age for an opposite-sex couple getting married is 35.9 (women) and 37.7 (men), but even in England and Wales, which trend younger, it’s 34.8 (men) and 33 (women) from the 2023 statistics.

Im so sorry OP but I think you need to delve deeply into why this is bothering you. He and his partner are making reasonable decisions that suit them - and TBF they've known each other a long time. I think your response may have something to do with your attitude in general to this partnership of theirs, which they are affirming by getting married. I'm worried you will push them away from you.

They sound mature. At least she won’t be on MN in 10 years time saying he won’t commit, he won’t share the financial hit of maternity leave. Because everything was fine living together. It happens all the time here as women suspect there won’t be any commitment.

When I had my dc they were automatically given their father's name as we were married, that was the law. That is no longer the case AFAIK. Their names are their names, regardless of who they got them from, and I would hate them to change them, simply because they were getting married.

A bake by marriage means what now?

Someone who got married for the cake of it?

Whilst I think 23 is young now days, they have actually been together a very long time so it not a rushed young love marriage doomed to fail. Its their next step in adult life. I think its lovely she is honoring her mother.

If you changed your name, maybe your parents felt really sad about that too.

Eh 23 isn’t young? I got married at 25 (husband 24) 2 years ago and we were the last of our friends

I mean he could be 32, still living with you, and not planning to move out, like another poster.

Do you feel that you didn't 'live' much before marriage? Do you feel your life has been too 'quiet'? Are you projecting and wanting for him what you didn't have?

They can both experience the world while married, if they want to.
The thing stopping them taking off travelling right now is his training contract, not the marriage.
Children will be a massive commitment, but marriage itself is not an issue.

Hope you like your future daughter in law as it sounds its more about her than their age. I think its a bit too much changing surnames. Giving their child mothers first name is perfect but changing surnames a bit weird unless its a posh one andmore beautiful than yours ;)

Even then, it's STILL entirely fine, because it's his choice.

No . A bake by marriage has a significance and not a great one historically. So not the same at all

My son got married at 26 and he's still alive

Excellent point, that thought came into my head too. Doesn't matter what age you are when you marry, they could be in their 30's and divorce within 5 years. None of us can predict our future, we just roll with what makes us happy.

Exactly this and for such a lovely way to honour and remember her late mother who sadly will not be there throughout their lives.

Comparison of what? Kissing style? Sex? Why does there need to be comparison of things?

@Cathryoi YABU. They’ve been together for 7 years already. They’re not too young to get married. I was 20 and DH was 22. Married 25 years so far. Your DS has grown up. Get on board with that, be happy for him and get to know his fiancé better.

It seems you’ve raised a fine young man that anyone would be proud of. He and his fiancée have maintained a strong and loving relationship for a long time. The name changing is a bit unusual, but not unheard of. I think your grief is actually about the fact that your son is an independent adult and not just your boy. It is a loss and yet an achievement. To feel a bit sad is okay. But do NOT share that with your son and his fiancée. DON’T. Instead, be gracious, celebrate their marriage, encourage them in any way possible without being intrusive. You will still be very important to him. As the mother of an adult son, I promise that he will still need you, just in different ways.

I think with the surname, I guess DS is my only son and I always imagined having the same surname as my grandchildren!

Really, this is something you’ve actually thought about? I find that incredible and odd