AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

I was married at 21, too young but it lasted and we remained friends long enough for our children to grow up and succeed in their lives

@Laurmolonlabe My husband db'd along with me when we married. Not a chance I would take just his and give our daughter just his either!! I'm also a Ms.

Hes found the love of his life and getting married. If he had only known her a short while, then I could see youre worry but theyve been together years. As a mother of two sons, I would be so happy for mine to be in stable, happy marriages at that age.

Taking your husband's name has always just been tradition- it has never been a legal requirement. I have only ever heard of husband's taking their wife's name if theirs is embarassing or compromised in some way.

Yabu.
They're not too young. Really should be happy for them. I hope you haven't voiced this aa it will be at the cost of their relationship.

23 isn't young or am I out of touch? I married at 20, 53 years ago, still married.

No funny enough I am watching Dr Who

@JonnyHotShots Have you time travelled from 1920?

Totally wrong keep the family name I know two people who have taken their wive’s surname just weird! The world has gone mad

I got married at 21 to dh who i met at 17, he was 23 when we married. We faced a lot of backlash from both families. Wveryone was telling us we are too young and we wont last etc.
Proving everyone wrong and still happily married almost 20 years later. Many of my friends got married late 20s or early 30s and are already divorced again now. You never know how its gonna work out, but just because they are young, doesnt mean the marriage has to fail.
Also just in case it doesnt work out then he will probably still be young for a second try. 😄

But your son told you exactly why he wants/feels the need to change his name, so it's the same as his wife's and potential future children. Very straightforward and probably the most common reason anyone changes their name when getting married no?
Fiancé feels strongly about keeping her Italian heritage, I imagine as well for future children's sake, you son isn't bothered about what their surname is as long as it's the same, good for them.
Tell it to a therapist OP and get over yourself.

It’s not unreasonable to feel a bit sad, but it would be very unreasonable to tell him. I would worry about my kids marrying so young, BUT he’s an adult and it’s his life. It might be a mistake and it might not be. I’m in my 40s and people who seemed well suited to each other, who married at the ‘right’ time, are now getting divorced left, right and centre. As for the name, this wouldn’t bother me very much.

I got married at 23 in 2012 and still happily married now. Have faith he’s making decisions that make him happy and are right for him.

Dont damage your relationship by vocalizing any of this. I hope they have a lovely life.

I think you should feel a real sense of pride in having raised a thoughtful, family-oriented son who is sensitive to his future wife's wishes OP - he sounds lovely. Several of my friends married young, to their first or second partners, and the overwhelming majority are still happily together. I don't think that there is any intrinsic value in having a succession of unhappy or unsuccessful relationships before settling down, and many couples I know who married young have been perfectly capable of adapting to changing circumstances and each other's needs as they have got older. They will have plenty of time to see the world together, from what sounds like a secure financial base.

And possibly worth bearing in mind that the parents of girls very often have different surnames to their grandchildren, and that nobody bats an eyelid at that!

Classic MN post.

I'm glad it has worked out for you and I wish you 25+ more years together

I didn't meet my dh at school, we worked together from age 15. Only started going out together at 16. 25 + years later we are very happy, but I'll be sure to let him know you consider our marriage less than ideal.

But you are still that bit older and more mature even in the first year of Uni than you are at 15/16.

I still personally think marrying someone you meet at school isn't ideal but it's just my opinion & hopefully the OP's son and fiancee with be very happy together & will stay married for the rest of their lives.

I had zero boyfriends at school and met my husband in halls of residence in my first term. Come to think of it, quite a few of our friends did the same and when we got married in our early twenties, about 4 of our friends all did too and they are also still together. We then had a big gap before the next round of friends started to get married.

Surely the main point is that the age tou neet doesn't actually seem to make much difference and shouldn't be a reason to/not to marry. Many that meet young have long succesful, happy marriages, as will many who meet later. These two are happy that this is the right choice for them.

But why do you wish you had met earlier? If you had met at 16 there is a good chance the relationship would end in your middle years.

There are so many posts on here with posters being shocked when their husband/wife they have been with since they were teenage has up and left them when they hit their 40s, 50s.
These sorts of posts are almost a daily occurrence.

And plenty of posters on here who are saying they met in their teens are still together "years later" haven't hit those milestones yet because "years later" when you met at 16 still isn't that old.

Meeting at Uni is totally different to meeting as young teens at school.and then getting married at 23 having never had any other relationship.
Your experience is entirely different and you are missing the point.

I wish I had met my husband that young! Didn't find him until I was 36!

Yes I am curious when people think is the ‘right’ age to get married? Most people in my friendship circle met at uni then married between 26-28ish. OPs son will be 24 or about to turn 24 which isn’t that much younger really?

I can’t believe people think 23 is a crazy age to get married, especially if they’ve been together since they were 16.