Am I being petty?

I’m sorry your feelings were hurt, OP.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday regardless. You are fortunate to have your family living close by so you’ve had the chance to spend plenty of time together over the years. I understand it probably doesn’t feel good enough right now. When the time is right I think you should tell your family you are disappointed how it all turned out in the end, give them a chance to make it up to you. Life is short, I’m sure they haven’t understood how hurt you are about this.
When my mum died many years ago, my dad had a significant birthday only days after. No one was in the mood (understandably) so we said we’d do something at a latter time. He didn’t say anything so we thought this was acceptable. 10 years later he told me he was hugely disappointed and disgusted that we couldn’t be bothered at the time because it would have taken his mind off things.
The circumstances were very different but if he had told us at the time we would have made sure to celebrate him, obviously.
Give your family a chance to set this right.

That would annoy me unless they’ve arranged a special
birthday meal, rather than an afterthought meal.

No I’d be pissed off too. The holiday was supposed to be for your birthday. Could have easily changed dates but just fancied the holiday. And it’s your 70th!

So reading all your posts and your name change post, is this right?

• your birthday is on April 19th
• the holiday was booked for May, but you pulled out because of unexpected health issues
• your health issues are significant enough that you can't go in on holiday but could go away for the weekend within the UK
• it would have cost £35 per person to cancel the holiday, so your family decided to go ahead with the holiday
• because it's cheaper, they decided to go away on April 20th at 3 am
• because they've changed the date, they can't go away to a cottage and can only go to a pub lunch

I'm with you so far. However, it leaves me with a few questions:

• were you planning to refund them all the £35 that they lose, or were you expecting them to all pay the £35 cancellation and the cost of the cottage?
• if you weren't going to go away until May, presumably you weren't expecting to do anything big on your 70th itself?
• given that they are going on holiday, were you hoping they would also pay for the cottage weekend to celebrate your birthday? Could they afford both?
• did you cancel because you had to, or because you didn't fancy the holiday with news of your health?

I can understand your disappointment but it does seem unrealistic to expect them all to cancel their holiday.

This nails it. I personally wouldn't care because the event could be celebrated another day if you wanted to have a big day, or in any case they've arranged to meet you for lunch. So they are still celebrating the day with you. What more fuss would you like ? I think you need to be clearer about your expectations

When was you going to make up your mind about what you wanted to do and how would this work with people needing to book annual leave, sort pets etc?

I understand that you must be gutted that you now can't go, but I don't think I would want my children to miss out on a holiday they were looking forward to and excited about because of my bad luck.

It's your birthday and yes it's normal to want a bit of a fuss, but I think it would be too much to expect them to cancel a holiday on account of it.

They will go away
So now you have to ask yourself… are you going to sit in a grump at your birthday meal? Or are you going to put this all aside and wish them a happy holiday and thank them for your birthday lunch?

I hope the latter

I'm not big on birthdays so my views my be skewed but my parents have always been away for my birthday since 16. We've always just done something a different day. I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on a holiday just for a birthday

Yes I did have a name change fail but it wasn't intentional. I couldn't read my post properly when I was writing it on my phone so I had to keep going back and must have gone back to my old user name for some reason.

Of course I’d be sad I couldn’t go and would probably have some FOMO, but I’d also be glad that everyone was getting together and having fun. YANBU to feel the way you feel, but there’s no point having a face on about it.

She is the OP, she's clearly got two MN accounts. @tillytoodles1 and @Mariets are the same poster.

OP, they arranged it around what suited you. It's no one's fault you have a health issue and can't go.

Now they've moved it to a more affordable and convenient time for all of them the day after your birthday. That's ok, they don't have to do without a holiday because you can't come. It's no longer a holiday about you because you aren't going.

They can still have a lovely meal with you the afternoon of your birthday and celebrate more when you settle a date that works for everyone.

Let go of the idea the holiday is about you. It stopped being about you when you had to pull out. Make a new thing.

Did you offer to refund them all as it’s such a small amount?

I don’t think they have done anything wrong, they were probably waiting for the OP to make up her mind about what she wanted to do instead and thought let’s go to wherever it is anyway.

It wasn’t for their convenience because they chose a date to suit Op which was more expensive, when OP couldn’t make it they changed the day to a more convenient a cheaper date.

But they've moved the date of the holiday so now can't celebrate her birthday with her.

They could kept the original date or pushed it back until a time the OP could go.

I'd be completely pissed off and telling them so clearly.

It's really unfortunate OP can't go on the holiday but tbh hurting OP's feelings and disregarding making her birthday special because they are too mean to pay a £ 35 cancellation fee each is pretty unpleasant behaviour.
It sounds as though even when they gifted OP the holiday it was more for their convenience and benefit than for OP's pleasure.

OP doesn't mention that they are gifting her something else instead of this holiday as far as I can see.

They aren’t buying the OP a holiday. They were going to but she can no longer go. It would be terrible if they still insisted the holiday was her present!

Your example is a rubbish one and not comparable, if Op was given a box of chocolates for her birthday and she couldn’t eat them right now they would be saved until she could eat them. A holiday which her family have paid for and they would all loose £35 each if they cancelled is not the same

Have you asked them not to go ? Or have you let them believe you’re ok with it all - and quietly seething on here instead ?

Whatever you do… don’t sit there at your birthday lunch in a dark mood!

Does that apply to all birthday gifts?

So if they had bought OP a box of chocolates , for example, for her birthday, it would be THEIR box of chocolates and not OP's? They could just sit and eat it infront of her because it THEIR'S because they paid for it ?

Sorry, who are you in the scenario outlined by the OP?!