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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to cancel our holiday for baby shower?

111 replies

magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 14:53

hey

My partner & i booked a long weekend with friends last September and we have now been informed that his eldest daughter is having her baby shower that weekend. It's the first grandchild on his side of the family and I have been "told" that the baby shower is more important than a holiday.

AIBU because I don't want to cancel my holiday? The in-laws help heavily with them (they stay a 3 hours drive away) so the date picked would be suited for his side of the family rather than hers. It was messaged the other night that the date of choice (but it "probably" will be) is 6 weeks away.

Whilst I understand the excitement of the first grandchild, I feel my partner & his family are never considered in dates and I have to drop everything to rush there too.

Was just needing to get this off my chest before there is an argument.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 06/04/2026 16:11

Most people would check that their parent did not have a conflict before setting a date for an event.

Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 16:08

Iloveacurry · 06/04/2026 15:48

Look at it this way, did they check if you were available before they booked the baby shower date? If not, then don’t worry about it. Go on your weekend away.

Nah, it was a "here is the date it suits X who is helping us". This is another point I will be using, as if it were my child, they would have def said along the lines of "these are possible dates that suit X can you make any of these as I'd love you be there"

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 06/04/2026 16:07

You booked your holiday months ago.

If your attendance was so important, they should have run the date by you first.

You're not even married to her father.

It's an invitation, not a court ordered appearance.

Send something on their registry or gift list.

I'm in the US and while baby showers were traditionally a way to outfit a nursery for a first time mom with the family living on one income, they've become overbearing, incessant gift grabs and I don't go. I didn't have one.

WinterSunglasses · 06/04/2026 16:06

magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 15:31

No it's ok, I maybe haven't explained very well. Her dad has been invited and I am his partner :) I believe all family has been invited but the SIL family are the ones providing all the support for them due to living closer (totally get that btw).

I think it is more the presumption from my partner that we will be going without taking my thoughts in to consideration or at the minimum discussing it? I mean, this holiday we booked he has been looking forward to it. I don't want to deny him going as I would go on the holiday lol

Show quote history

Tell him he can stay behind to go if he wants then and you will see if a friend wants to take his place with you on the holiday. All the other admin that any (re)arrangements might involve - his job. So if he wants to see if it's possible to rearrange the friends' weekend away, then he can be the one who asks your friends about that, looks up options and costs and so on. Similarly, as he'll be going alone to the baby shower, it'll be his job to buy a present, get and write the card and all that. You'll be on your holiday 😀

Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 16:05

honeylulu · 06/04/2026 16:01

I would say go if you want but I'm going on holiday, see ya.

My husband doesn't get to tell me what I can and can't do (though he tried a couple of times in our early relationship and I pushed back firmly) and vice versa. Sounds like he's expecting you to go to the baby shower, miss the holiday, plus deal with the admin of cancelling and explaining to your friends they are being let down. Erm, nope.

Absolutely this, I will be standing my ground on this one as it will set a precedence of plans changing to accommodate them.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 06/04/2026 16:01

I would say go if you want but I'm going on holiday, see ya.

My husband doesn't get to tell me what I can and can't do (though he tried a couple of times in our early relationship and I pushed back firmly) and vice versa. Sounds like he's expecting you to go to the baby shower, miss the holiday, plus deal with the admin of cancelling and explaining to your friends they are being let down. Erm, nope.

Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 16:00

Spirallingdownwards · 06/04/2026 15:50

Does your partner even know what happens at a baby shower?

this is gold and will be my first question😂

OP posts:
RobinStrike · 06/04/2026 15:58

Isn’t it better that you are away when they have the baby shower but back when the baby is born and you can help? A baby shower is such a pointless event really, and as others have said, normally for female friends and relatives. Always seems a bit like a hen do to me and similarly OTT. I’d go on holiday. Your DP can go if he likes.

MutherTrucker · 06/04/2026 15:56

“oh no, gutted, we are out of the country. I would have loved to have come, what a shame. Can we treat you to a nice lunch one day to celebrate together”

NavyNorris · 06/04/2026 15:52

I absolutely would not be cancelling my holiday for this. It's a baby shower, not a wedding. It's not like you're missing the baby's first birthday?

If he really wants to go then I'd pick out a thoughtful gift and write a nice message in the card and let your partner go and you go on the holiday still. If he thinks YABU then show him this thread.

Can you take another friend with you? Since you're going with friends it wouldn't matter if it was just you I'd imagine.

Definitely go and enjoy your holiday though- especially if you wouldn't get your money back!

Spirallingdownwards · 06/04/2026 15:50

Does your partner even know what happens at a baby shower?

Iloveacurry · 06/04/2026 15:48

Look at it this way, did they check if you were available before they booked the baby shower date? If not, then don’t worry about it. Go on your weekend away.

AuntyBulgaria · 06/04/2026 15:47

I would be so relieved that I had a holiday booked so I didn't have to go! No way would I cancel my holiday for such a ridiculous reason.

Mauro711 · 06/04/2026 15:47

No way would I cancel a holiday for this. For my own child I would contemplate it if she really wanted me there, but not for someone else’s child.

Catcatcatcatcat · 06/04/2026 15:43

Tell him he can lose his money if he wants but you are still going.

Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 15:40

UninitendedShark · 06/04/2026 15:17

Thank god baby showers didn’t exist when i had my kids. Don’t get me started on gender reveals. All utter nonsense.

I feel the exact same!

OP posts:
Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 15:38

arethereanyleftatall · 06/04/2026 14:55

Who told you?

my partner, i mean, lets discuss it first before you make my mind up for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 15:37

thepariscrimefiles · 06/04/2026 15:12

Would you get your money back if you cancelled your holiday?

You wouldn't be unreasonable to say no because you booked the holiday ages ago and they didn't consult you or your DH to ensure that they didn't book the baby shower on a day that you aren't available.

What would the reaction be if you said you couldn't attend due to the already booked holiday?

TBH I don't think they are bothered, they understand and they don't want to leave it to close to due date to have a big party.
It's more my partner that seems to be worried on missing out. I totally understand but we won't get our money back and omg we need a holiday due to recent health issues!

OP posts:
Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 15:35

JackA · 06/04/2026 14:55

YANBU - I’m not a huge fan of baby showers so I would calmly but firmly say that you have had a holiday booked for 8 months and you can’t move it but why don’t you arrange a date for you to take her out for lunch or something before the baby is born.

I love this idea, I am not a fan of huge gatherings and that would give her more time with her side of the family too.

OP posts:
Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 15:33

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 06/04/2026 15:29

I’m confused - men don’t normally go to baby showers, are they inviting everyone?

Id say if it’s a shower that men go to and he wants to go to his child’s event more than a weekend away, I’d see if the weekend away could be moved, and if not, I’d go without him.

We are going with friends abroad and this has booked for months, if it was a UK holiday I would contemplate changing it. However my thought is he goes to shower and I go on holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 15:31

WinterSunglasses · 06/04/2026 15:21

Plus it's a holiday with friends so you're disrupting them as well if you cancel.

Are you actually invited? Don't mean that unkindly but AFAIK a baby shower (they were not around in my day so not an expert) is for her friends, sisters, mum and other female relatives. Would her dad and his partner need to be there?

Show quote history

No it's ok, I maybe haven't explained very well. Her dad has been invited and I am his partner :) I believe all family has been invited but the SIL family are the ones providing all the support for them due to living closer (totally get that btw).

I think it is more the presumption from my partner that we will be going without taking my thoughts in to consideration or at the minimum discussing it? I mean, this holiday we booked he has been looking forward to it. I don't want to deny him going as I would go on the holiday lol

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 06/04/2026 15:29

I’m confused - men don’t normally go to baby showers, are they inviting everyone?

Id say if it’s a shower that men go to and he wants to go to his child’s event more than a weekend away, I’d see if the weekend away could be moved, and if not, I’d go without him.

Original poster
magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 15:26

Credittocress · 06/04/2026 15:13

What does your partner think? Would your response be different if it was your child rather than step-child?

He is of the opinion that his daughter is more important, we haven't discussed anything in detail yet but I know I will be the selfish one. We have dropped a few plans over the years to see them (they really don't visit her family down here, people need to visit them).
If it were my child I would be saying the exact same thing.

Can't exactly afford to throw away a the money for a holiday as we certainly wouldn't get any money back.

OP posts:
Jeschara · 06/04/2026 15:26

No definatly not. Who do they think
they are. I hate baby showers, so unesasarry.

HideousKinky · 06/04/2026 15:21

I would not cancel a holiday for a baby shower