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Original poster

DS wants friend to move in after attack - would you say yes?

82 replies

northroadmum · 06/04/2026 11:22

ds is 18 and in college, he has a friend he’s known since year 7. The friend grew up in care and is now living on his own. He doesn’t really have other friends and can be quite guarded.

Last year ds found out he was using drugs, pretty much anything he could get hold of. ds stuck by him and supported him and as far as we know he has been clean for a while now. He was with us over Christmas and was polite, kept himself to himself a bit but no trouble.

Toward the end of Feb he stopped replying to ds which was unlike him. It turns out he had been beaten up and had his phone and wallet taken. He ended up in hospital for nearly a week with a head injury. He is ok physically now.

He has told ds he doesn’t want to go outside at the moment as he is worried it will happen again. He lives in quite a rough area. He did speak to the police but it sounds like it was an ambush so nothing much has come of it.

ds has asked if he can stay with us for a bit as he doesn’t feel safe where he is. I feel for him, I really do, but I am not sure it is the right thing to agree to given everything.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Birdsongisangry · 06/04/2026 11:34

It's up to you who you have in your house, though I do feel for the kid, there's very little safety net for young people leaving care. Could you suggest you're ok with him staying occasionally but not living with you? You could frame it that you don't want him to risk losing his property for not staying there, or people clocking that it's empty and damaging it. Would you be ok with your DS staying occasionally at his friends to help him overcome the fear of going back there?

WhatNoRaisins · 06/04/2026 11:33

I would say no. I think that's a lot of potential chaos for you to bring into your own home and life. I'd try to be supportive but draw the line at this.

YerMotherWasAHamster · 06/04/2026 11:29

I would want to, yes but I would be worried that he had been beaten up for a drug debt and him living with me would bring dealers to my house. They dont care who pays them as long as they get paid.

If he is genuinely clean and no dealer is after him then yes absolutely I would, but you arent being unreasonable not to want to. You have to do what you feel is right.

SimonWigglesBaratoneVoice · 06/04/2026 11:29

I would say no, the drugs issue alone would be enough.

I would support him by helping him apply to the council for a house move, or going to the doctors to access support, or buy him a ring doorbell etc.

I wouldn't have a very recent, possibly still ongoing drug user, who has been jumped (could be by people he knows and related to debt) to live in my home.

Justnetballandcoffee · 06/04/2026 11:28

YANBU to say no.

INX · 06/04/2026 11:27

YANBU to say no.

You and your DS have no idea whether he was attacked or whether he went AWOL due to being back on the drugs.

Or even if the attack was due to drugs/dealers etc and that's why he doesn't want to go out.

Sorry but you and your son are not responsible for him, so if you want to help, I'd definitely do it from a distance and not from under your roof.

Poppingby · 06/04/2026 11:25

Yanbu to say no if you don't want to, and that's really true. I don't think it is the wrong thing to do though. You could change this boy's life by giving him a bit of support now. There are risks though, as you know, and if you don't want to take those risks you are completely within your rights not to because you're allowed to look after yourself too.

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