DS wants friend to move in after attack - would you say yes?

Could you and your DS support him more in his home to start with?

He won't be in his own tenancy if he's been there since 16, so there are likely to be rules about how long he is allowed to stay away from the property before he gets kicked out so I would not have him move in. You can offer him to stay for weekends occasionally, involve him in family meals, take an interest, give him leftovers to take home etc. You can be a big support without him moving in.

@northroadmum I have a good friend who did exactly this OP. She took in her son's friend who came from a dysfunctional home and who had been involved in drugs, fights, the police etc. Although her son and the boy were 16 at the time and not 18. It turned her life into a chaotic mess. The boy was not used to living in a "regulated" environment, wouldn't get out of bed in the morning so couldn't hold down college or a job, amongst a host of other things. God knows who turned up at all hours and eventually there was a brick through the window. It nearly destroyed her own family. Think very carefully OP.

@Birdsongisangry That's a good point; I hadn't thought that he might be in a HA flat. It may be an option to stay with the OP for a week or so (if everyone is agreed), until he's feeling more himself?

Does he have a leaving care PA you could contact, with his permission? The local authority have a duty of care for care leavers, ostensibly till they are 25 but it is more "light touch" after 21, when it is known as "keep on caring".
The leaving care team should be helping him a lot at this time although the way care leavers are treated in this country is nothing short of disgraceful and many fall through the cracks.

It might be difficult for him to move on from yours if he gives up his current accommodation. It would be very difficult to ask him to leave if it didn’t work out but he had nowhere else to go

I wouldnt let him move in but I would offer all the support I could. If he is in social housing then possibly supporting him into a move to a different area for instance. Possibly as the victim of an attack and a care leaver, he might get help with this from the landlord. Or a mutual exchange. It can be hard for responsible adults to navigate things like this, let alone a struggling young person, so that's where I'd focus my attention. Or if hes in private rented, helping him find a new place.

Letting him move in may seem the kind thing to do but its better to support him in sorting out his own life.

This.

If he's quiet & a nice lad, why do you think it would bring trouble to your door?

If you do agree to it, I'd set a fixed time for him to get a better place to live permanently. So that there's an end date you don't have to look like the bad guy kicking him out. You can always extend it if everything is working out well.

a reminder (via DS) that ANY sign of drug use will end the arrangement.

IF you really don't want to do if, that's your choice, but maybe you could find a way to help him get somewhere better to live?

Your son sounds lovely.

I would help in other ways rather than move him in. Don’t risk his tenancy.

Do you have other children at home?

It's ok not to bring him in if you feel that strongly. Nobody would know what's going to happen - it may be the best thing for him, having a stable, safe unit to recover in. Or it may go terribly wrong.

I'd support him in his own place. Take him shopping, help him clear up, see if he wants to come out with you guys now and then to build confidence getting out the house, make his home more homely if needed and perhaps see if there is any list he can be on to move from the area he is in now. His confidence has taken a battering, not just his poor old body.

Are you absolutely sure he is clean? Does he have debts or is anyone likely to turn up at your door looking for him? You need to know what you are getting involved in.

Appreciate this is well intentioned, but if the friend is living on his own it's likely he's in a council flat or HA flat, which he would have got priority for as a care leaver - but if he moves in with the OP, he could lose the flat. At this age he's likely to be on a starter tenancy which includes a responsibility to be using the property as his main address, and if he's getting any benefits to help with the rent they will also be on condition of him staying there the majority of the time. If he were to be seen as giving up his flat, he wouldn't get the priority for housing a second time and that's a big risk for the kid without a safety net of family to go back to.
There are ways to support that can be a middle ground (I wonder also if the kid knows OPs DS is asking this, he may not want to move in though it's lovely that the DS is wanting to help his friend)

It's a lot taking on another young adult who may or may not still be using drugs. If you're as certain as you can be that he's not, and you have room, I think I would allow him to move in. How awful to be in hospital for a week and have no one to care whether you're alive or dead. If you do allow him to move in, think very carefully about what house rules your son and his friend must abide by, how long you're happy for the friend to stay, what will happen if the rules are broken etc., then discuss it with your son before you both broach it with his friend and see if the friend is happy to live within those rules.

Your son sounds like a lovely human being, you should be so proud.

I dont know... Could you do a trial, so he moves in for a few weeks and you all evaluate and have a chat about how its going?

I absolutely would... A supportive family could be the difference between him having a positive future..
Or a very short life.

Just to add, I'm aware you said he'd been clean for a while now, but it doesn't take much to relapse.

Id say yes for set period of time but he does weekly drug tests for you.

Drug users are poor souls but their illness makes them lie and steal, and they often keep dangerous company and find themselves compromised.

I wouldn't want him living with me, but I think I would for others was to support him.

I’d say no but try and offer him more support - visit more often, offer to help with going to shops, getting support, taking him for short outings to build his confidence

I have experience of this in my family and it would be an absolute no from me, particularly as you are not responsible for this person.